Bipolar Depression

Dear RHB,

I think I may owe you an apology. It didn't occur to me that you were entirely serious, but depressionobsession read your posts from a different perspective and saw that you may truly be in pain and suffer incredibly low self esteem.

Please let me join with depressionobsession in telling you that you are a valuable person and deserve happiness and a fulfilling life. You need therapy and help beyond what we can give to you on this board, but we are here to support you.

G

Hello Again!

I was very glad to see that someone other than me responded to the post, in which the woman (is it RHB?) puts herself down very blatantly and seemingly, honestly, while writing about her experiences being married, with her having bipolar. Any loving husband would be so enamored of you that, even if you weighed 180 pounds, he would still love you - even more, do you think? All that extra softness that a man can get very relaxed or turned on for.

Bipolar Spouse - you are a wonderful human beings, who also happens to have some quirks about herself. I don't know of any woman who doesn't have some kind of quirks.

And why do you feel you always have to be the caregiver in the relationship and then for him to toss you aside like so much trash - why is it only your responsibility to get things for him? Or, if he takes you out to dinner, you pay him back double what he spent.

Again, I wish you well. Carry on with you life as usual and when you least expect it - there will be a wonderful partner - just waiting for
you.

Best of luck and warm wishes,

Kay

My husband was diagnosed with BP last Aug 2006. He has been taking his meds regularly and been seeing the doctor regularly.

Lately, he has developed SleepWalking. This is it is scaring me because he always touches me when he is sleepwalking. I am scared one of these days he'll just strangle me without even knowing it.

It is really hard to live with a bipolar person. He has become a completely different person. I do wish he is the same but he isn't. I also have some commitment problems already. I feel like I am just living with someone that I do not know.

I love my husband so much. But at the back of my mind, I want him out. I am just being honest. Our daughter, he ignores because he has some pc game to finish or some movie to watch. I am afraid this will continue and will hurt her as she grows up.

As much as I can I want to stay in this marriage. But I am really afraid that one day he will just strangle me to death while he is sleep walking. I am so terrified as of the moment, but at the same time hopeful that he will not hurt me.

Greetings and Salutations once again. I guess you could say that I am one of the self-medicated people out there. Did it work...seems to have, yet the good Lord has blessed me with a caustically analytical mind that looks under ever leaf, or tries to and thus I write everything down and review it. In doing so, I help myself as well and learn to heal and counter any moods that may begin to effect me. On a positive note, my wife has returned, though we are not yet on par with one another, things are progressing(I found some books to read that helps to actualize truth). I see a bright hope for the future. I can now discern which voices are speaking to my person and know which are real and which are fake. There was a lot that went into becoming better, not just supplements, but also books, the bible, God and an urgent and strong desire to not be diseased and intense self examination. So far, things are brighter, I am healthier, stronger, and for the first time in 18 years, I can actually feel emotions(this was something denied me due to a traumatic accident). I would have to say that the number one thing that actually brought anything about was a faith and a belief that God is good to His word and will help those that call upon Him. Am I better, all those that know me remark on the changes that have been made, that are evident. Is this just another progression of mania, who knows, I only look at the past and compare it to the present and see a difference that has never been there before, and the biggest thing I can see is that there is now love in my life as never before, not the superficial things I thought was love before, but a deep, soul touching healing love.

WWWG,

Glad to hear you have got it all together now. I sincerely hope you do.

As the ex SO of a BP pardon me for being skeptical but I have heard various versions of this story for what seems like a million times in the past few years. "Finally making progress" "Finally turned the corner" "Got a new Dr" "Can finally recognize what the problem is" "Finally see what I am doing that is a problem for others" and on and on and on.........

Write again in a couple months or whenever your next depressive cycle starts. If you still have it all togehter then, maybe one of us who have experienced life with a bp will believe. As for me, I am permanently skeptical - I am sure miraculous cures happen; I have just never observed one.

Take care and, very sincerely, good luck.

I shall write and tell when the next depressive cycle comes on as it has been trying to do that for the past two months now. I can certainly understand the skeptism, nor should it not be there, yet for myself I carry faith, hope and love and I look forward to living a normal life as these have become the root of my being.
I can also understand about having "spiritual episodes" as there are referred to as I have had a few of these in the past. I know also that the propensity to 'revert' back to a BP state is there, yet I also see that circumstances in life can cause a person to change and the symptons 'reappear', yet one can know the difference between what is real and what is imaginary and the tools to combat these swings are there.
Can I change the way that I am, no, not in a lifetime or two, because to change the way that I am requires the entire self to change and that is nigh of impossible, yet there is something that can change my person and that is the power of the Lord, to submit myself to Him, that is what changes me, for that is a power that cannot be overcome and that is the faith, the hope and the love that I hold. Nothing I have done of myself will accomplish what I desire, yet it is the Spirit working within me that changes me.
It is not easy, like I said before, it is a constant battle, for the pride of the self resist and resents everything, but still I do not give up.
One story that keeps me going and gives me hope is this; the person that was overcome with legion and yet he was delivered from his condition. A cure for the BP disease it looked to be for me.
So take care and I will keep you poted.

For a place that is supposed to be a support network, I see a lot of put downs of folks with BP (reading back). I'm very sorry for the spouses who have been hurt by a person with BP who didn't/couldn't get help, but coming here to take out your frustrations on people who are trying to get help is just keeping the cycle going for someone else.

Anonbp,

I am sure many people on this forum would like to be sympathetic to what you point out, and many non-bp so's have been compassionate and sympathetic to their bp so's at one point or another. It seems that many people are here because of the completely inexplicable, illogicial, and destructive behavior of the BP SO in their lives. They are trying to find explanations that make sense, unaware that there aren't any. So they tell their story and find that many others have stories in common. Venting is extremely therapeutic for them. I think if you study the posts of non BP SOs on this board and follow individuals through time, you will notice that they tend to mellow out after the first venting and, while generally not wanting to be involved with a BP again, they do develop compassion for their former SO at some level over time.

My own BP SO was extremely sensitive to any innocuous comment or action on my part. Pretty much anything I did was taken by her as some sort of put down, manipulation, or maliciously intended action on my part toward her. In fact they were generally innocuous.

I sense some of that in your post. And in fact, I do not see some areas of this forum as appropriate for both BP's and non-BPs. I think that probably both groups need their own space to share thoughts with others experiencing the same frustrations. I myself have not ventured very far into the areas of this forum that appear to be populated with BP sufferers partly because I fear that I will write negative responses to people who are in great need of help, support and encouragement.

I respectfully and compassionately suggest to you that as a BP there may be areas of this forum populated by non-BP SOs that you may not want to venture into - this thread may be one such area. But I would hate to see non BP SO's unable to share their feelings of frustration, hurt and confusion in order to avoid offending BPs who might be reading their posts. I think most of us have had enough "eggshell walking" to last a lifetime.

I sincerely wish you well in your battle with this disease. My own ex BP has gone from a succesful career, mother of 2 wonderful children, and life where she had many opportunities to do exactly what she wanted to a life involuntarily confined within a mental institution. From a distance I can see it as an incredibly sad and tragic story. From having experienced the process up close - seen her rage, felt the blame from her for all her troubles, felt the rejection by her, etc - I still cannot fully explain the hurt, confusion, and despair that I experienced. I expect I can never understand what she experienced. To this day, she has never once acknowledged that any action she took may have been a mistake. And in fact I fully expect that in her own mind she blames me for her current state of affairs.

Such is life, my friend. Some things are inexplicable. Some things must just be accepted.

I truly wish you well in managing your illness.

Take care and good luck

Innocuous? I have seen posts that universally refer to folks with BP as abusers, co-dependent, self-absorbed, manipulative, drama queens, incompetent parents, incapable of love and nurture, and other really awful things. I can't even begin to tell you how damaging that is. Perpetuation of stigma, stereotyping, and prejudice is not healthy for BP's or non-BP's. What if your children inherit this disease? What do you think they have learned from you about it? That they are inherently bad people? That they will destroy anyone's lives they come in contact with? That they are no longer worth anyone's compassion or love?

Venting about a particular spouse and experience can be helpful, I agree with that. What I disagree with, are posts that universally condemn and rip apart *all* people with BP. Posts that perpetuate stereotypes, prejudices, and discrimination should not be acceptable to anyone, especially on a board meant to support the recovery of people with BP. The world is harsh enough.

I am a very calm, rational, asymptomatic person because I'm perfectly well treated with medication and therapy. I am as capable of conversation as you are. I'm put off by your insinuation that I'm extremely sensitive because I have BP. I understand your experience has been colored by what you saw with your wife, but there are success stories, a lot of them.

Hi anonbp, I am sorry you are so offended. I don't think anyone on here thinks that there are not exceptions to the general bp behavior. But if you just look at the majority of stories on here and the behavior of the bp mates you can see that you are an exception. And I am sure there are others.But after anyone has endured years of desertions, broken promises, adultry and anger,you have to admit it is rightly termed abuse. Blair

anonbp

while wanting to be compassionate and understanding of BP victims, and having been very close to one for many years, I think I would like to respectfully suggest to you not to read these posts. They appear to be triggering a rage in you that I have seen before when suggesting treatment is needed.

While I certainly understand your sensitivity to stereotyping and unfair treatment, your apparent desire to stifle the discussion on the threads where SOs of BPs can attempt to understand what is happening is inappropriate. In addition, there is no universal condemnation of BP victims here. This is no fun and not helpful to anyone and I don't want to continue. Therefore this will be my last response to your posts - I will certainly respond to others if it seems I have something offer.

I congratulate you on your successful management of your illness and wish you well. Truly.

I agree with jsmith that the discussion seems to be particularly painful for you and add that you should have time to review your thoughts and the input you got and reach clarity.

From my experience absorbing everything is a process and clarity takes time so give yourself what it is that you feel you need and the solutions would follow.

http://www.ourcatspictures.com/

I am just starting to go through this. What I have found is that if you don't take care of yourself and stay healthy than you cannot be there for anyone, ie: yourself, your kids our your spouse.

I knew my husband for 12 1/2 years. We will be married for 5 years on the 22 of this month. I seperated from him during his last manic episode. Sounds heartless doesn't it...but I couldn't do it anymor and I was not helping him. He was diagnosed 4 months after we were married and I helped make sure they had a history of the depression and mania that had occurred the previous 3 years that no one realized was bipolar, i nursed him back to health, wanted him to join a support group, get a therapist, but he had no insight,

I laid with him throuhg depressions and tried to do it all, I filed disability papers, argued with county lawyers, and fought for his job, I tried to make him take his medication and fought with him until he would take it, in teh past 5 years he has had 3 pyscotic breaks 2 of which required hospitilization and the last one that i had to help commit him for 72 hour hold against his will.

the last 6 months he has threatened my life mutliple times, has been off meds for over a year because his pysc said he didn't need them anymore, he told me how he would kill me, that my kids would know what it meant to be a submissive woman after he was gone, over the past 12 years i have been choked multiple times, one time 6 weeks after giving birth to our second daughter that had me knowing i was going to die, he has thrown objects at my head, put in me into 30 k of debt that my parents paid off and then put right back into 30 k starting two months after they paid it off because he started using tons of cocaine with my money

he refused to say he had bipolar and always said he would do better, he minimized everything and in turn so did I, i enabled his behavoir and was scared of him and didn't stand up to his illness and try to make him see what needed to happen, i shut down the past two months after more cash advances and more debt. i make 85k a year and i have to scrape food together for the kids or take free rides to and from work so we have some money to eat because he spent everything

he has slammed me into walls and said he would f kill me if i took the kids away

looking over the past year I realize he was rapid cycling and had at least 5 manic episodes and the depression were masked by the cocaine use - i kept waiting for the pyscotic break, hallucination and delusion to thinke he was manic - when that came, i spent 8 hours on the phone with therapist and support groups to try and get him to hospital - he went and i worked on myself

my kids witnessed the abuse, he put them in danger by driving at high rates of speed, he hs slept with multiple women without protection and put me at risk, i have plent of BP friends that take there meds and our good because they mange the illness that can take so much from so many

i have decided to divorce him, i did my homework, contacted DV places and put together a safety plan in case when he does come all to he is extremely agitated and follows through on a threat. but I beleive if he can follow on meds and NA and therapy he will get better and do better than before, but I canno stay in this relationship because it is a diagnosis for life and i can't do it anymore or let my kids think they deserve to be treated this way.

i want him to get better pray he stops cocaine and takes control of his illness but I can't be bankrupt and suffer from anymore trips to hospital via ambulance for tachycardia and panic attacks, gall bladder attacks and IBS.

it will be hard because i am walking away from a dysfunctional dangerous situation that was comfortable

but the uncomfort of leaving will become comfortable and it will be best for all of us - i am not able to be the person for him; he is unable to be the person for me, and we are unable to be the people living under the same roof for our kids.

Well, here is another update. So far, I have concluded that I really do not have BP(I do not take meds), my wife has decided to leave me for good and I feel like a great burden has been lifted off of me.

I am calm and rational, not in denial(hehe...denying denial...go figure), I have actually become convinced that it is my wife with the problem and not myself(not, I do not seek to not accept responsibility), while it is true that I did have a problem of a sorts, that is no longer a problem. Sure I get regular mood swings just like a normal person, but I think that the fact that I thought I might have had BP and I sought to do something about it should speak volumes. Sorry about rambling.

Am I really better, I like to think so. I do know that the ordeal that I have gone through helped me to grow and to become more mature.

But as to myself having a problem, not one of my friends, family or coworkers think so, they are all of the same mind that my spouse is the one with the problem. So it is not just my imagination.

All of these people also agree that I should divorce my wife.

This is not something that I desire to do, yet it is her desire so it shall be done, I will pay for it, but not initiate it.

So, I apologize to all of you people out there if I have led you astray in any way. It was not my intention to do so. Thank you for your ears.

P.S. Courage to survive - while the faith I follow states that divorce is not something to be sought after, there are exceptions to that such as adultery, and I firmly believe the safety is paramount as well. It sounds like your husband does not want to change and refuses to change. Heartless...?, well, you have put up with it for a long time already, sounds more like at the end of your rope.

WWWG,

Your comments and conclusion are very interesting in light of some of the messages posted several months ago by G. If I could paraphrase, he stated that after a long term relationship between a BP and non-BP, it was sometimes very difficult for even psychiatrists to tell one from the other and sometimes took a while for it to be sorted out.

Congratulations! And best of luck. divorces are never fun. But they do give you a new start on a new life with a (mostly) clean slate.

Take care.