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I am sitting here in the Psychiatric Ward of Benefis West, and I am looking forward to getting out tomorrow at 12:30.
The thought of going home, gives me anxiety as my 16 year old son sees me as being weak and lazy. I tried to explain about bipolar, but he just said, "Oh, it is all about will power!! And you don't have any will power so you are lazy and weak. It nearly breaks my heart to see us having this kind of relationship. Erik is a good student, who does his chores (two times a week) without ever having to been prompted.
A week ago, he said to me "I can understand, now, what my friends meant when they said they hated their parents. He said, "I am beginning to understand why they hate their parents, and he gets this dark look in his eyes.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this, once I get home tomorrow? I don't think I will sleep very well tonight. But hey! Hearing from some of you fine folks would definitely help me out.
Thank you very much for any suggestions you can give me.
Remember that your son wants to love you, and he wants to be loved. Remind him as often as you can through both actions and words that he is loved. Ask for his help. Let him know that as long as you stay on your medication, you should be ok going forward, and the medication won't change you but help you be the best person you can be without having to go through the intense highs and lows. Do things together - cook, walk, go to a movie. Establish a routine with him he can count on and support each other in keeping the routine. Pray.
Good luck.
G
Posts: 28 | Location: New Jersey | Registered: 11-01-2007
As usual I strongly agree with G's advice - kids need love and care. I will add an observation from from my own situation. My ex wife is BP and has done a lot of damage to the relationships she has with our two children. From my observations this is largely a result of her focus on herself and her lack of ability focus on them and their lives.
Teenagers like to have the focus on them. They expect it and can't really imagine why their parents, teachers, coaches, and pretty much everyone else in the world is not totally focussed on them.
For my BP ex this was a recipe for disaster: BP mom demanding their attention to her problems while they expected her undivided attention to their lives. As a result they kind of wrote her out of their lives in many ways. She behaved in a self centered way in several of their settings that demanded attention be focussed on them. I don't really know if at those moments she was capable of focussing her attention on them and their accomplishments and activities - but it surely looked like that was the beginning of the end of their relationsships.
If there is any way you can make sure that your son is the center of your life as much as possible, you may have some luck. That you are just present in his life in an undemanding way matters. Even if he is ignoring you at the moment, he will notice. I think bringing your attention to his life and interests is the key to rebuilding. If your illness is in such a state that you can't do this, step aside and don't be a distraction to his life or an "embarrassment" in front of his friends. When you are doing well, step in and be a supporter. It may take a while but I think kids are pretty forgiving over time.
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