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I think my husband is bi-polar. I'll try to highlight the points without writing a book.
We were married for 23 years and suddenly he went on a gambling spree, cashing in 401-k to gamble & almost ruined us financially. I kick him out of the house. He has always spent money like crazy. As soon as he gets it, it's gone. He will call me and tell me he loves me but he is on adult dating sites chatting with other women, emailing them and setting up dates. My youngest son who is 20 lives with him and he said his laptop is full of porn.
His mother has suffered from depresson for years and he has a niece diagnosed with bi-polar. Here is what I don't understand. To look at him, he appears perfectly normal. He is pleasant to talk to. He has always had moods but not any worse than anyone else. I don't see the hyer moods and the lows and highs that I read about re bi-polar. Here are some of the statements he has made:
Something is wrong with me and I don't know what it is.
I stay confused and depressed. I have problems.
I'm not right in the head.
He's hid these feelings since he was a kid. He knew as a kid he would be alone.
He wakes up fine and two hours later he wants to beat someone to death.
My questions:
Can bi-polar symptoms manifest in your 40's?
Are bi-polar people able to tell something is wrong?
Can a something major like me telling him to leave trigger this? He started acting really wierd after this.
I'm not qualified to say nor is anyone else over the net, but spending and mood swings could be rapid cycling BP. I do not believe BP people know anything is wrong. I was medication induced Bp, I didn't know anything was wrong and I thought everyone was picking on me. I was friendly and talkitive to everyone, not just women. I did spend a lot of money, but not gambling. I was in my 50's and the dr's would not admit Topamax caused it. Good luck.
Noticed that a lot of people read your post but you only received 1 response. Hard to say whether your husband is BP but he fits several symptoms in the BP profile: - Financial irresponsibility that is impulsive versus poor money management. - Sexual promiscuity that includes actual liaisons after a lifetime of responsible behavior - Family history of BP - Depression / feelings of unexplained rage - "Normal" persona in front of others (selective control of emotions)
On the other hand, BP usually takes many years to manifest itself, with plenty of sign posts along the way and progressive episodes of self destruction that worsen with time ("kindling").
A sudden brain cramp where he blew his savings & trashed your marriage could simply be a mid-life crisis or a case of being a situational idiot versus a lifelong struggle as a BP. Doing something collosally stupid does not immediately classify someone as BP. Being an occassional idiot is a human condition, and being a guy myself, we are prone to doing some goofy things at times.
He could very well be Non-BP and working through issues from a BP / depressed mother. Add to that the normal changes of an adult male in his 40's and you can get a situation that culminates into a "perfect storm" of stupidity that is not terminal. A full physical that checks his thyroid (TSH, T4, T3) as well as his testosterone level is a good place to start. A low thyroid level could be as likely as BP in a 40 yr old male. If he has had weight gain, dry skin, brittle hair that is falling out, unexplained lethargy, impulsive outbursts, and such that are recent, his thyroid could use a boost. Once the thyroid levels come back up, his testosterone will come back up, cholesterol will go down, and weight will come back inline.
There are plenty of terminal butt-heads out there whose bad behavior is simply that - bad behavior - and a BP classification could be a suitable "excuse" but not the actual reason. The thyroid malfuntion described above was one other possible medical condition to consider.
Without a longer history of impulsive behavior, and more information it's hard to say. You seem like the analytical type, and the fact that you threw him out immediately shows you know how to set up definitive boundaries. You may have been the stabilizing influence he needed to function as a BP, and not allowed yourself to get sucked into the drama that most BP's thrive on.
Sorry for jumping around a bit, but I've been coming back to type this while working and fielding some phone calls during lunch time and I don't have the time today to go back and edit/tighten things up. Hope this helps, and you and your husband can work things out. Take care, G
Posts: 28 | Location: New Jersey | Registered: 11-01-2007
A person who is bipolar can be diagnosed with the illness at any age, or never diagnosed. BP's generally manifest their symptoms over some period of time and there will most often be sign posts along the way.
The first question to ask would be if you have sought professional medical attention. And by that, I don't mean having a 5 minute chat with your general practioner or any of the self diagnosis tools on the web. Nor do I mean being prescribed an anti-depressant by a GP or a hurried mental health professional in a free clinic. If that is all you can afford you need to let them know that you think you might be bipolar so they have a shot of helping you.
It can take a qualified mental health professional multiple visits of 30+ minutes to make a proper diagnosis, and it's often just a starting point. A BP usually has a caldron of symptoms & problems that require medication, therapy, family therapy so they can support the BP, and behavior modification (sleep, diet, stress reduction, etc.). Medications must often be adjusted, tested, and tweaked to find the right mix for a BP, and then a lifetime of regular check ups, monitoring, and family support.
It is possible that you are BP if an antidepressant caused such profound behavior changes in you in such a short time. BP's can go absolutely over-the-top psychotic if given an antidepressant without an accompanying mood stabilizer (like lithium). An antidepressant generally takes weeks to take effect and stabilize the mood of a unipolar depressed person, but can spin up a BP in a matter of days and be the psychological equivalent of throwing gasoline onto a fire.
There a hundreds of other possibilities that could create a temporary pyschotic reaction. For your age group, blood thinners are often subscribed that can cause severe reactions that can stymie diagnosis by doctors who do not remain current in medicine.
So - the bottom line is to go find out for sure if you are BP starting with a full physical by your GP and a complete blood work, followed by meeting with mental health professionals who can help you find the best person to diagnose, and treat you.
If you get a clean bill of health after completing that journey, then rejoice with the knowledge that it's part of the human condition to make mistakes and go fix the ones you've made as best you can - starting with a few apologies to anyone you might have hurt.
If you are BP, then follow the course of action laid out by your doctor(s), and rejoice and enjoy life with the knowledge that you won't unintentionally put a loved one through hell.
Good luck. God bless.
Posts: 28 | Location: New Jersey | Registered: 11-01-2007
Thanks for your answer. I was on 400 mg of Topamax for migraines for 8-9 months. psychiatrist dx me BP. My family wanted me back, fired the drs and I quit taking everything. Drs all insist it wasn't the Topamax. Here I am 3 years later taking no meds for BP and I am just fine, just like I was pre-Topa. I'm even able to type and spell again :-)) the last few weeks!! I'm still wondering a little. I can only conclude the drs are sacrificing the patient to covers each other's hind ends. British Journal Of Med had a case of Topamax induced BP in the late 90's. There doesn't seem to be much admission about the down side of drugs by the FDA, Pharmas or DRs.
