Bipolar Depression

I have lived with Don for the last 3 years and we have gone through the mania and depressive episodes. At the moment he seems to be depressed and has insomnia. I'm afraid to suggest things or ask him to fulfill my needs because it may hurt him. I don't know what to do. It's frustrating to see someone I love hurting and it hurts me too. His mom died last year and I think that has something to do with it. I'm scared for him and confused. Please help!

Sandy,

Read the posts on this board - especially those at the "friends and loved ones" section. You will find people there that are not bipolar and are/were significant others of bipolars. Your description is very brief. You may find posts that describe things similar to what you are going through. I particularly reccomend a post by "G" titled "BP-Non-BP Relationship Patterns from a long term Non-BP Survivor". It is an excellent description of what non-BP's go through when finding out about their BP.

My now ex-wife also had her father die about a year before her serious BP situation arose. She had some lower grade symptoms before but that seemd to trigger some very extreme behavior culminating in her movinng out unexpectedly, attempting suicide several times, losing her realtionships with our children and ultimately being relatively unable to live a normal existence. Much of my story is on the various forums here in bits and pieces if you have any interest.

But there are many other people here who have gone through various versions of what you are about to embark on. Its not pretty. You can learn a lot here but its pretyt scary when you know its true from having lived it yourself. There are many caring people here who will do there best to help. I find myself reading certain posts again and again - and it helps. Best of luck and take care.

Wow sounds like my life. We only found out last winter that my hubby was bipolar. his grandfather (who was like a father to him) died the summer before. I really feel that loosing his grandfather made the disease come out in the open last year. He is a landscaper and is off every winter. The previos winters he would visit his grandfather when he was bored. I really have no real good advise just to not push anything. Pushing has never got me anywhere. I suggest things to him once or twice. Then I find e-mailing him actually gets the job done. My hubby got fired about a month ago so I have been tring to be real careful how far I push him. He is still taking his meds as prescribed and seeing his doctor once a month. He just found out today that his unemployment benefits have run out and there is no more money to get until the new year. I think I pushed him too hard today. I was tring to explain that any job is more money than 0.00. I pushed too hard and am alittle afraid of what is at home waiting for me. wish I really had some advise for you though- just dont push.

I am so sad and confused and I really need some answers. I have been in a relationship with a man who has bipolar for the past several months. He is mainly good about taking his medication, though I don't know recently. Our relationship probably didn't start on the best of ground as he had recently divorced after 14 years and his mother had passed away in the same time period. He really never had much time on his own and my aspiration to be with him completely was probably a bit overbearing for him.

He broke up with me the first time, in what I now see was a manic phase but we worked it out in a few days and things were fine for a while again. The last couple of weeks of our relationship though, I really felt him pulling away which I didn't understand as we were in a monogamous, "I love you" kind of relationship. He broke up with me saying that he couldn't be with anyone right now, that he needed to be on his own and have some space, that it was him, not me. I have tried to respect that.

Then I found out some other information though. He has been getting together with men and women online and otherwise for some really depraved stuff. I know that he is a sex addict and understood that about him but I just don't understand how he could go in such a totally different direction on a dime. In the same couple of day period, he also shaved his head and eyebrows. ??

I feel like I've done something wrong. He won't talk to me or anything. I don't plan to pursue him just want to understsand as much as possible so I can be rid of this terrible sadness. Any advice would be appreciated.

I don't know if this will help you, but something similar happened to me last year. My guy had been married for 17 years when his wife left him. His divorce had only been final for two months (but he had been separated for 1-1/2 years) when I was fixed up with him. For 2-1/2 months he went after me with a fervor, resisting my attempts to get him to slow down and even subtly making me feel guilty for not "trusting" him.

He lived in another state and said he loved me, wanted to go engagement ring shopping and arranged for a realtor there to show me houses for us to live in together. While I was there on an extended 2 week visit to look at said houses and meet his kids (I had already met his parents and sister who live in my state), I noticed that things were not as he had represented them and I initiated discussions about it. This discovery on my part of his "true" self triggered something in him and he started becoming slightly moody and less affectionate and less emotionally intimate.

After I drove myself home back to my own state, he just completely disappeared - stopped calling and tuned out. One day he loved me and the next day he was gone! After getting me to trust him and believe in him and plan for a future with him. All he said was that he "needed his space". That was the first week of November 07. I have not heard from him since and he refused to answer any of my emails. My last email to him was November 24th, then I just gave up. A week after that he put up a profile on a dating site.

After much research, I have finally concluded that he is a narcissist/sociopath in addition to the BP-II. He has no empathy or remorse whatsoever for what he has done to me. I never saw him get truly depressed. I deduced that he was in hypomania when he met me, which explains why he went so "ga-ga" so soon. Then he just got 'quiet like he was off in space somewhere", but not really depressed. He never told me that he had BP, but only OCD for which he was HEAVILY medicated. But, two of his 3 kids have BP related mental disorders and from what he told me about his brother, the brother is BP-I. I have read that it runs in families, so I'm pretty sure he has it even though he is not diagnosed. He once told me that a psychiatrist once thought he was hypomanic, but a definitive diagnosis was never reached. He is capable of hiding symptoms very well as he is a genius and an M.D. himself.

At least your guy didn't blame you for his disappearance. Mine did. When I asked him why he needed "space" all of a sudden, he replied that it was because of my distrust and suspicion of him and that he needed to "work things through". He went from talking to me every night to not speaking to me at all and he never came back. He also disseminated lies about me to justify his reversal, because he had told everyone that I was moving there to be with him and work with him too. Don't ask .....

I hope you recover quicker than I did. I sent into severe PTSD and have just started to be functional again this month.

Good luck to you.