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I started a new job a month ago after being laid off for four. During this time I had a break down, was diagnosed with BP and put on new meds.
My new job is at a very busy firm and in a feild I have no previous experience in. I was upfront about this, but with my previous background they said they had the utmost confidence in me.(not so good.....I'm thinkin now) Some days I'm inundated with so much info I feel my head might just explode, I feel confused and sometimes I actually blank right out.
A couple of the girls in the office have said I'm catching on well for having no experience but I leave the job feeling confused, frustrated, stressed and over-whelmed. I'm learning multiple computer programs, procedures and positions within the office as well as dealing with clients without a knowledge base to go on.
Could it be that my meds have affected my thinking processes? I used to pick up things easier, but now I have to really work to focus and my concentration is easily broken. Now it just seems like every one talks too fast and I have to ask them to slow down.
Is it the nature of my illness? Am I just no longer able to work in intense, fast paced atmospheres? I'm very tired at the end of the day, especially cause I have my son to tend to as well, but I often lay sleepless stressed about work.
Or did I simply bite off more than I could chew and should admit defeat and move on?
First, I am not a expert or professional just another BP survivor and sufferer and just offering perhaps a suggestion.
I can relate. I had a job I had held for 2 years. It was high pressure, high paced, and with people's lives in the balance from time to time (worked in mental health crisis clinic, ironic isn't it?)
I ended up resigning this month. I simply wasn't able to literally function in what I used to run circles around other staff (trained all) and the therapists themselves.
I just couldn't function anymore due to the depressive cycle end and yet because I have a hard work ethic, I would show up each day. I just would sometimes sit, cry, and stare off into space, alot.
I am not on the right meds, I'm not on the right strength of the ones I have. I've had to switch providers again due to loss of insurance and here I go again through the process.
My former bosses knew about the BP and they were a mental health clinic. They gave me a very hard time about the lingering severe depression and my meds after being hospitalized for suicidal ideation this past March.
Your job is trying to work with you because you are a "newbie/fresh new guy" and according to your post, you seem to be doing okay in their eyes.
All new jobs take at least a month if not more to get used to everything. They are extremely stressful in the beginning. You feel stupid and inadequate and not in control because it is new and new jobs always take the energy right out of you in the beginning. Yet when you have BP or even severe depression, well we don't have much energy for it to sap out do we?
Talk to your Pdoc and therapist, they may have some suggestions or ideas in which could help you get through this period. The fact that you are trying under really hard personnal circumstances you should give yourself a hug for.
Talk to your professionals, see what they say. It could be you could adjust your meds or when you take them. But, talk to them before the stress of the new job causes more issues for you in the disorder realm down the road.
I know it is a bit jumbled but I hope it helps. Speak to your professional caregivers first, see what they say or can do.
The more stressed you are the more your child will pick up on -I know this from deep personal experience. So just talk with them.
It is a real concern to you just don't let them (providers)think it is not.
Thanks Marie...and your right I really should be talking to my therapist and pdoc who I have neglected to see because I have been working so much. Also been putting in extra hours to make up for time I had to miss to attend to death of a family member.
People on the outside always say I do good because I can put up a good front. That's why thery're always so shocked when it seems like I fall apart all at once...LOL! When I've actually been deteriorating for months.
Today the pressure got the best of me and I had a not so proud moment of a declaration of defeat to another employee, so I better take some sort of action now before I really go off the deep end.
Thanks for taking the time to give me some advice and support, I hope things are going better for you. Take care.
I think Marie's advice is excellent--talk to pdoc and therapist. Some medications, like lithium, may hinder your concentration and mental quickness.
If the people at work think you're doing fine, you should probably take them at their word. Your own standards are probably very high because you're used to doing things better than most people, right? I've had new jobs in the past where I felt very confused at first, and it was very unsettling. But if you stick with it, you'll probably become aclimated, especially if you can get your meds adjusted so that you're functioning well.
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