Bipolar Depression

I live in Nashville, TN. My doctor just gives me the impression he doesn't know what he's doing. I'm trying my best to read up on things to learn about this disease, but the info is just overwhelming (BTW, I'm BP II and new to this group)..Also I am scared to death. I have no idea what I'm doing.

Anyway, I'm on :

Cymbalta: 60 mg
Lamictal: 400 mg
Topomax: 50 mg -just added for migraines
klonopin: 1.5 mg (been at this dose for over 5 years.

Misdiagnosed as major depressive for over 10 years until recent suicide attempt. I was on Effexor and klonopin. Had been on that forever...oh and 500 mg of Depakote for headaches....

Now I'm BP 2 and my life seems like a living hell. I'm losing family, friends, job, everything. I figure if I'm going to have to deal with this thing, I want the best doctor I can find who knows what they are doing.

I am begging for some help here. I feel like I'm barely hanging on...

Sorry for the drama, but it's just the way I feel.

Don

Hi, Don -

I was reading some of your other posts, and thought I'd respond. BTW - does anyone know how to get permission to "private message" in here? Or is everyone locked out due to the nature of the board?

Anyway - my situation is VERY similar to yours. Misdiagnosed w/unipolar depression for 11 yrs., 10 different antidepressants, until I was prescribed Cymbalta last year...don't want to scare you, but it precipitated a suicidal episode of monumental proportions. I literally had to sit on my hands until help arrived, so as not to proceed directly to my bedroom to blow my brains out. After that, the manic episodes began in earnest (rapid cycling), and my doc officially diagnosed me as bipolar II.

The first thing my doctor said when he realized I was bipolar was that I should never take another antidepressant. You said that you were on Effexor when you attempted suicide. I had a horrible reaction to Effexor when I tried it, although not as abyssmal as what happened on day 5 of Cymbalta.

I'm not a doctor, but I have a great one (he knows his pharmacology). I'm inclined to think that perhaps you're over-medicated. Perhaps the Cymbalta isn't allowing the Lamictal to reach its full potential. Or perhaps the Lamictal isn't effective for your particular disorder. Klonopin can also depress you, although I'm sure you know not to stop it abruptly. Anyway, what I'm saying is that it's hard to tell what's working or not (or working against you) when you are on a variety of meds. Topomax, by the way, can make you tired/depressed as well. It also depletes your potassium, so you should be supplementing for that.

I think you should check out this website: www.psycheducation.org
Dr. Phelps is a colleague of my own doctor. Check out what he has to say about the "antidepressant controversy" in particular. And definitely seek out another opinion.

I'm afraid that's all I have for you at the moment. BTW, I'm also a professional musician out here in L.A., and this disease is a career-killer. I had the "rash of death" reaction to Lamictal, and am currently trying Depakote...with lots of problems, so I don't know if I can continue. The story of my life (or at least the last decade).

Many of us are barely keeping our heads above water, so you're not alone. Stay strong, eat well, try to exercise, and see another M.D. as soon as you can.

Thank you brainstorm.

I read Dr. Phelp's book and my counselor bought it...I even offered to buy it for him. It was the only book that made any sense to me for some reason. I'm an avid reader, but many of the other books just didn't hit me like his did. I liked the passion and could relate to it. I just figure he's really done his homework.

The problem is I don't think anybody will take the time to read it. I remember one time fighting to get a simple thyroid test after doing some research. Turned out I WAS hypothyroid like I thought. I got a new doctor. Seems like I'm always fighting and now I'm just tired of the whole thing. They win, at least for now.

I had been on Effexor for 5 years. It seemed to work for a while, but I think it pooped out. The klonopin was for anxiety. I never felt really tired on it because it was such a small dose.

My GP knows my counselor and psych doc and he would have a fit if he knew how much I was on. He will probably recommend a new psych doc. I got him by default. Ny Gp was upset that after 3 months after a suicide attempt my counselot had not found me a psych doctor. He was trying to get me in to see somebody really good, but my GP said if was going to take 3 months to get in then he wouldn't be able to give me the proper time I needed and he wanted me to have somebody now.

The psych doc is nice, but he's young and too upbeat. He just hands out medicine like candy. I need someone who specializes in this field and can help me pronto.

I like the Lamictal...I didn't get a rash and didn't feel drugged on it, but the Cymbalta was giving me trouble. It was to lift me quickly out of my depression. I just hit bottom when winter came..I have that SAD really bad. I saw what Phelps said about anti depressants, but I'm so scared to go off them. The topomax was formy chronic migraines but I think it is causing some depression so I may have to go off and find some other means to stop them.

I'm tired of people not understanding. I have a great partner, but he can't fathom why I don't want to do out. I tried the other night, but I had to get a little drunk to do it. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I got through the night, but I paid a price the next day.

I'm just so afraid of losing everything. I have no work. Told not to go back to work and go on disability and try to make money doing something creative for supplemental income.

I can't accept that, but when I look for jobs in the classifieds, I just tremble and get the dry heaves. I can't hold jobs for very long and my yearly income has taken a steady dive since I was 35...now, I'm 50

Sorry for the ramble. I don't get to talk much...LOL I can give an email address if you want...I don't care.

Thanks for responding.