Bipolar Depression

Hello, I have been reading for a couple of hours now and feel I have all the signs of bipolar. My mother had bipolar and also an uncle of mine which after several attemps at suicide was finally sucessful.. I am not sure where to go from here. I have lost several if not all relationships... I also believe my son may have this horrible desease as well. I feel ashamed to talk to my doctor because I was raised to just deal with it or better to ignore it all... This is so hard for me...

Hello confusedat40!

Welcome to the forum! If you feel that you have bipolar disorder, after reading for a couple of hours about it, then obviously you share some important similarities to those of us on this forum. First of all, let me say that you are not alone. There are so many of us out here with bipolar disorder. Secondly, you are not alone in having a child with bipolar disorder. My husband and I both have (had for my husband - he is deceased) bipolar, and I am always monitoring my 15-year old son for any signs of the disorder.

You may have bipolar, and you may not. Either way, you are welcome here on this forum, and I hope you will feel open enough to share your experiences, strength and hope with us.

I guess the first thing I would do if I were you, is make an appointment with a psychiatrist or some other mental health professional, who can either confirm or deny your suspicions. If you do, in fact have bipolar, there are many things you can do to treat the symptoms of it. Personally speaking, I take medication every day and I am currently doing very well on my drug regimen. I take Cymbalta for the depressive side; Lamictal as a mood stabilizer; Risperdal for anxiety and rage associated with bipolar; Ambien as needed for problems sleeping and Provigil (modafanil) as a "wake-up" drug for the excessive sleepiness I experience due to shift work and side effects of my medications.

Things like diet and exercise are important in the treatment of bipolar. Yoga and meditation can be very effective at easing the symptoms of both the mania and the depression associated with bipolar. There are other alternative methods of treating the symptoms of bipolar, but I am not familiar enough with any of them to talk intelligently about them on this forum.

I strongly encourage you to open up and share your stories with us about your experiences with bipolar. Are you married or are you raising your son by yourself? Do you have other children? Do you work at a full time job? What happened in your life that made you think you have bipolar disorder? Was it a combination of a lot of little things or was it something major that happened to you?

I am interested in hearing more from you, so that we can learn about you and what you have experienced. I hope you will feel free to open up and express yourself on this forum. Believe me; you are in the right place if you have bipolar disorder!

Take good care and write again, soon! Warm thoughts and best wishes,

Kay

Hello Kay, Thank you so much for responding, Yes I will make an appointment with my doctor asap... I was diagnosed years ago by my doctor with what he called depressive episodes and I was perscribed Prozac, which I was allergic to and from there I have been on every antidepressant from zoloft, wellbutrin to lexapro and others in between that I can not remember... The probelm I kept running into with the meds was I would get even more depressed with severe suicidal thoughts to the point that I would stop taking the meds on my own and just live deal with it... Please forgive me but I am so new to this that I do not even know the lingo... My mind was always racing especially at night which in turn caused me sleepless nights and all the while I thought (well this is just how I am, This is me) I have allways felt different, which I have read over and over again in here... I was always labled overly sensitive in my younger years my siblings often tell me now that being around me was like walking on egg shells... I believe I have been in denile of all of this for years. My mother was diagnosed and kept it a secret, never telling anyone in the family, we only found out after her death from cancer, when my sister and I came acrossed the diagnosis from her doctor years ago, that would explain her constant rages and her baracading herself in her room for days at a time and the constant dissapearing acts... This all so overwelming for me... I guess this really all came out when I met and started to date a man not long ago that was diagnosed bipolar 12 years ago and in recovery, he started to notice things about me that he felt were symtoms of bipolar.. I immediately felt ashamed and would get very agitated and say I dont have that disease. He would say that he thought that I needed to seek professional help and that would only anger me more... It was my rages that finally destroyed my relationship with him and devistated me even futher but like they say when behind every dark cloud shines the sun... I know I have bipolar and have put off going to the doctor out of fear, I watched what this terrible disease did to my mother. The one thing I can do different is get treatment... I have a son he is now 21 years old and I believe he suffers from this too. but his episodes are much different than mine,He has these bouts of extreme hyperness, euphoric, King of the mountain mentality one minute and then he will go into complete and utter dispair... even to the point of agony, its different all the time with him I mean he can be in this hyper state for a few days but then I have even watched him swich with in hours, it is the most heartbreaking thing for me to watch and all I can do is hold him... then there is the anger and rage...I did not start to experience rages until about 2 years ago, is that normal? I mean the rages just came on suddenly and its not me, its just not me. I have lost many relationships, friendships, over this , and now i just feel alone.. I am feeling really emotional and have a mild bout of depression (you know, its funny but I can tell when my deprssion is coming on and if it will be severe or mild) tonight but on the other hand I feel as though a weight has been lifted and a small sense of relief... Thank you so much.. You know when you have been in denile about something for a long time and then you finally face it...I know this is just the begining and I have a long road ahead of me...but I would have been to afraid to tell my doctor or anyone in person anyway about this, so when I stumbled across this site tonight it was a true God sent... Ok, I think I wrote a short story here tonight...(smile) Thank you again...

Sharon