Bipolar Depression

As the subject line suggests I am concerened about my husband. When we first started dating he was so wonderful. Very romantic and attentive. We were married after 10 mos of dating due to unplanned pregnancy. Right away things started to change. He became very moody and depressed. He dropped out of school and I supported us for a while until I could not longer work at which time he got a job. He didn't stick with it long and was soon unhappy and looking for something else. He landed a great job but within months it was not going well. It was always someone else's fault that things were not working out for him. He decided to quit his job at one point and go sell RVs. As part of the job application he was required to take a personality test which did not come back favorable. It described him to a "T" Non empathetic, controling, lack of concentration, not a good manager because he need direction and task orinetated jobs with very specific and clear job responsibilities.
During all this we had another child which added more stress. He would not sleep unless he fell asleep in front of the TV. All kinds of excuses for not coming to bed with me. Complaints about not getting enough affection and sex from me, however, refused to take some responsibility. Would come to bed some nights at 3 in the morning and lay on top of me and wake me up, and would become insenced when I told him I was tired and to please let me sleep. (children up all night, etc wore me out) Eventually I quit trying to get him to come to bed. It was easier and less stressful. When he did come to be he would expect sex and if it didn't happen it was my fault. I have delt with contant verbal abuse and sarcasm. He does not respect me at all. Everything is about him. He has many family memebers are diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Both parents were alcoholics, and cruel neglectful people. He at one point told me he first noticed he was depressed when he was 10 yrs old. He also sufers from hypothyroidism and has since age 10. However, refuses to take care of himself and does not take his medication regularly and has even gone so far as to blame that on our nurse practision. I have become completely stressed and unhappy over the last few yrs. I have tried couseling through my church, however I can only pray so much. I could use any advice anyone is willing give. He refuses to see a physician because he doesn't want to take medications. He refuses to take me with him to see a physician because he thinks I have a skewed view of his behavior and that he is the happy one in this relationship and I am to fault for everything. He is parinoided that I will tell them something unflatering. However, when we are with his friends he jokes about being bipolar.
Help.....

Forgot to mention the obvious. His mood swings are giving me whiplash. I never know what will set him off. What he will find to be cruel about next. Whether it will be that I didn't run to the car fast enough because he has to pee and didn't tell me or any other countless events..

Hi Kelley,
It has been quite a few months since your last post, so I'm not sure what situation you are now in with your husband however I read this post and a lightbuld went off for me.
I am 25 and married to my best friend from high school. He is so wonderful and I love him dearly however when we first started dating about 5 years ago, I noticed he had very bad mood swings. Apparently he'd had them all through his youth and multiple members of his family are bi-polar. These "moods" got worse and worse through the years, and have now become so horrible that he constantly threatens me with divorce. He is on zoloft and seeing a doctor, however whatever medicine he is on is clearly not working. He gets very defensive when i'm trying to help and doesn't let me "in." He has left me, come back, yelled at me and apologized and even went as far as to ask me for my engagement ring back.

I am at my wits end because i am SO torn. I love him to death and about 90 percent of the time he is the sweet and honest man i married, however 10 percent of the time he hates me, resents me, leaves me and I just dont know what to do. If anyone has any advice to offer, suggestions, etc, it would be most appreciated.

Many many thanks.

Hi kelly and torn, I have had bipolar for about 4 years although did not believe it in deniel. Just about 1 month ago i realized i do have bipolar. It got so bad i thought my wife was having an affair. I wasnt taking my lithium regulary. Very moody and depressed. Thought my wife didnt love me because she kept dening me sex.Now on lithium i feel much better. Ithink some guys like me need the affection from their spose more than you know. Remember you need romance guys need touch to feel loved or at leased thats how i feel. I found out that i need lithium ad if you can believe this exersize to help me deal with the regection. It actually works wonders. I think they do have bipolar from what you said so my advise is exersize together and try to get them to see meds are not bad. they do help. Please help me help you as i need help also. thanks tom.

I am answering a lot today. I have to say..this needing/demanding sex and feeling unloved any time the word 'no' is said..gets very very tiring. threats of divorce unless one gives in to the demands for sex are also not a real turn on. It is disrespectful, even though the bp person does not see it this way. Untreated BP is not manageable. It is not possilbe to expect a happy time with a person who takes no responsibility for their problems..health or otherwise. This is a serious illness .. you have a right to peace. Try to get your spouse on the right meds, and remember you have a right to respect and peace. I am also hoping for the best with my recently diagnoses husband..and I understand that it is too soon to know if it will work out. Maybe, if he stays on the meds? But old hurts, no matter why they happened, still hurt. It takes time to heal...