Bipolar Depression

i was diagnosed with bi-polar at 8 along with add and adhd...im 18 now i have two kids no family really, im engaged and my fiance doesnt understand me. i just had my son a month ago i have a two year old im doing all the housework i never see him cause he works graveyard and sleeps all day when we see eachother we fight. i tell him i cant do all this....i dont sleep but two three hours a day i dont eat anymore the only thing i can do anymore is cry and hate life... i cant smoke cause it makes me sick (i used to smoke quit about 3 months ago) i cant really cut anymore he looses it over that. theres just no relief anywhere anymore. im too scared to go to a therapist they will deem me unstable and ill loose my kids. last time i went to a therapist i was on several drugs and it didnt get better. my past is messed up my mom did drugs in front of me and my sis cut and drank. my dad lost it and tried to kill us. than my mom died in 98 and my dad got us. i was too much for him so he sent me to my 76 year old great grandma i was too much for her so she sent me back at 15 since then ive been on my own...i mean nothing has ever really been good for long. i just dont know how much more i can take the only reason i cant kill myself is my kids.

Poeticdesire,

Your pain is obvious, and I wish there was something I could say about this. Perhaps someone out there has experience in what you are going through and can give some advice. I question whether a therapist can use information you disclose against you in the manner you mention, but I don't know.

I will say that you aren't in this alone. While we can't fully comprehend your particular hell, many of us have looked demons in the face and walked away to later thrive and succeed. You are obviously an incredibly strong person, that comes through loud and clear. Your strength will bring about your success. Your kids feed your strength, that is also obvious.

One piece of advice I will offer up:
Take care of yourself. You can't care for your kids if you're not healthy yourself. Make this your highest priority. If you are well, everything will fall into place.

Stay in touch with us here and let us know how things are going for you.

Poeticdesire,

I agree with GJ about taking care of yourself. That comes first.

I was very depressed when my daughter was born, and almost left her with my husband. When she was 9 mos. old, I left him and took her with me, thankfully. We are now very close and she has two children of her own.

I do think there are laws which say that a therapist or other doctor has to keep what you say confidential unless someone's life is in danger. I really think you need to get help, and it often takes time to get the right combination of medications, and for them to work effectively.

Getting yourself healthy will be the best gift you can give to your children.

Good luck, and keep in touch to let us know how you're doing.

Lynne
Read my blog at Lynne's Bipolar Blog