Bipolar Depression

I just found out that I was bipolar and my mother just doesnt get all the emotions I go though but she says she is going though it to and it angers me because everyday is a struggle. My father doesnt believe in any of this so he doesnt get it. I try to talk to them about my feelings and they always refer to how they're feeling and it hurts. This is the hardest battle I have ever had to go though and I just want to give up. Im 23 soon to be 24 and I just feel no one understands anything. Im a senior in college but I havent gone back since I found out because I dont want to have an episode. I feel so alone. I look back at my life and ask God was I that horrible as a person, maybe I was maybe I deserve this unhappiness!

My mother, who is gone now, was Bipolar but didn't get treated for it cause she didn't believe it. My father, doesn't get that there is something medically - yes medically due to the chemical inbalance - wrong. If you can't see the bleeding hand then you don't believe the hand is bleeding.

I've also struggled for years and begging God to please tell me what did I do wrong to deserve all of this? So far, he hasn't shown me anything specific. So I still wonder.

All I know though, when my reasoning mind is clicking, is that I didn't do anything to get this illness and I've done nothing to continue having it.

You are young, you didn't deserve this, and you have no control over having it. You do, though, have control over how to manage it. See a therapist, see a pdoc, try the meds - who knows you may find one that works really well. It will take time, I'm afraid but, if you can find a good combo of treatment it will be more manageable.

Come here to vent, there are folks here that have been there and get it. Go to Pendulum.org - there are even more folks there that get it. You are not alone.

I have been taking Lamictal for the 6 months and I also have ADD and Panic Disorder So I take meds for them. And Im just so tired of my parents not understanding. Like the past few days I been manic and I havent slept in a few days Im irritable my thoughts are racing so much Im having difficulty concentrating and last night my mother just didnt get it she told me to take a sleep aid that wouldnt have worked because I had all these thoughts going though my head. Im having a hard time excepting myself and I need there support but they show me none or if we are talking my mother will say she going though it with me because she has to live with me she has no idea what I go though. I have a son becausse if I didnt I wouldnt live here. What do you think I should do?

Kate I just posted in regards to your struggle. I just read through your other posts. I am so sorry that your parents do not understand. But as you should ask them not to get angry at you get angry at the illness you should do the same. Do not get angry at them get angry at the illness and educate them so they can start to understand. All of you go to a support group I think one is BPSA and also NAMI. I will get you the websites to find meetings in your area. I went as a family member of my husband who I believe to have bp and in denial.See my other post. I learned so much. So much pain and hate towards him was relieved now that I know a little more. You and your family/friends can never learn to much about this illness. Don't give up on yourself or the people around you. Just as much as you don't feel you understand yourself, your family members are living it through you and don't understand at all and are scared. But knowledge is power and truly healing. Keep talking about everything. My husband of 10 yrs. fought the struggles that you speak of and tried to protect me and the family. As a result- our marriage is over and everyone is more hurt than if we had all went through it together.

My parents dont understand and they never will. I am angry Im angry that I have to deal with this Im mad that now I have to deal with my mother having lung cancer Im so tired of being so angry. I just wish I could understand this. I dont understand anything anymore.

Kate -- Please go finish your degree. I am bipolar and was since I was young. Getting my B.A. has meant so much to me over the years and always means better money for a temp job if you get worse. And, I am sorry to say, this usually gets worse. Fortunately, you are young and better treatments are being developed. Do anything to get your degree, then collapse for a year or two. You will have more respect for yourself and others will respect you more ALL of your life. People who understand bipolar will be impressed with your ability to get a degree despite disability... note - register at disability office -- you can then take longer to do everything without incompletes or other letters showing up next to your A's.

And be glad at least you have parents who HAVE emotions about you!

Realize you are sounding a little irrationally depressed thinking you deserve to feel this way. I found one reality check useful -- check how long a rapist is held in jail for... and then how many years you beat yourself up. Did you rape anyone? Do you deserve to feel worse than a rapist?

Bi-polar depression is the worst depression - I find the acute phases worse than child birth and I did not use drugs... it is BAD. You don't deserve this, and you do deserve sympathy and help. I learned to get that from my parents by not talking brave but complaining all the time like they do. So even when I feel okay - I say well okay today, but I am worried I will get sick again. Listen to how they talk about their emotions, mirror them sticking your problems -- at least you will be speaking a language they understand.

Good luck,

sorry I can't REALLY help - but I know how you feel.

quote:

Originally posted by Kate:
I just found out that I was bipolar and my mother just doesnt get all the emotions I go though but she says she is going though it to and it angers me because everyday is a struggle. My father doesnt believe in any of this so he doesnt get it. I try to talk to them about my feelings and they always refer to how they're feeling and it hurts. This is the hardest battle I have ever had to go though and I just want to give up. Im 23 soon to be 24 and I just feel no one understands anything. Im a senior in college but I havent gone back since I found out because I dont want to have an episode. I feel so alone. I look back at my life and ask God was I that horrible as a person, maybe I was maybe I deserve this unhappiness!