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Posted
SINCE NO ONE WANTS TO GIVE ANY ADVICE. I WANT TO GIVE SOME WHEN SOMEONE HAS HAD ENOUGH OF PEOPLE THEY ARE GOING TO END UP SNAPPING AND IM ON THE VERGE FROM THAT. I HAVE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT HUMANS MOST OF THEM ACT LIKE ANIMALS WHO HAVE TO EAT OTHER ANIMALS TO LIVE BUT WITH HUMANS THEY "EAT" OTHER HUMAN BEGINNINGS FOR THERE OWN SELFISH INTENTIONS. AND BEING BIPOLAR AND HAVING SO MUCH RAGE I FEEL SORRY FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS TO MESS WITH ME BECAUSE THIS STRUGGLE IS HARD ENOUGH AND I HAVE BEEN HOLDING ALL MY ANGER AND FEELING IN THAT THEY ARE GOING TO COME OUT AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY. SO WATCH WHAT YOU DO AND TELL PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY WILL TELL ANYONE WHO WILL LISTEN. SO THANKS FOR THE NONE ADVICE!!! AND KARMA IS A BITCH PEOPLE
 
Posts: 26 | Location: PA | Registered: 02-07-2007Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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You said you wanted advice and no one has given you any and now you are angry because you feel like this thing has happened to you, you don't think you deserve it, it is unfair, and no one around you gets it.

You have expressed symptoms of mania and this rage in capital letters only expresses it more so. You are afraid of the stigma of being mentally ill, you don't want it, and you didn't ask for it to happen. You are afraid it will expose itself.

If I were to tell you to go see a psychiatrist to see if they had any meds to take to help calm and quiet the anger and rage, would you go? Probably not. Why, because you want a quick fix and there is none.

The only advice that can be given and it is given quite often on this site and others is : GO TO A PSYCHIATRIST, GET SOME MEDS, GO TO THERAPY, TALK WITH SOMEONE TRAINED, KEEP ON THE MEDS, KEEP ON THE THERAPY. IF THINGS ARE TOO OUT OF CONTROL - CHECK YOURSELF INTO A HOSPITAL WHERE THERE ARE DOCS AND NURSES AND THERAPISTS.
 
Posts: 114 | Registered: 07-28-2006Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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I am sorry but I have to say something on the matter. i AGREE with Kate, because I am the same way. I hide a lot of my feelings as well, and dont say anything until the VEEEEERY LAST MOMENT, like a tea kettle that is about to boil over. yes its hard, and most people dont understand. Kate has every right to be angry...so do I.

But Marie, you are right as well...i am scared to go to a psych because i dont want the stigma of being a total nutjob. I hide a lot of my emotions and anger, trying to play it off by acting "normal". I want that quick fix too, but in all seriousness, like you said...there is none. I know i will need meds myself, but for some stupid reason, i am scared of just going before a psych, and telling him/her "i am fucked up, could you help me??". I know what i have to do...i am just scared to do it.

Forgive me for my rambling.
 
Posts: 8 | Location: Federal Way, WA | Registered: 02-09-2007Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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I never said she didn't have the right to be angry.

One of my mania symptoms is intense anger and rage. When I am feeling "itchy" and wanting to "scratch" everyone I know to take the med for it and/or go somewhere quiet, cool, and dark until it subsides.

The point is, she needs to see a psychiatrist, explain what is happening, and see where it goes from there. Or, she can continue doing as she is doing and allow the fear of the unknown to consume her which will undoubtedly cause the anger to grow.

Some get angry not because they are angry but because they are scared.
 
Posts: 114 | Registered: 07-28-2006Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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I have a lot of rage but its what I have been though in this life. I experience so much at a very young age and I have been betrayed and I gont really trust anyone. And I thing I have a right to be mad and angry. But for the first time I havent acted on it!
 
Posts: 26 | Location: PA | Registered: 02-07-2007Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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Kate,

I felt the same way as you. That my anger was caused from my childhood but that being pissed off at the world feeling is not normal. It is part of bipolar. It took me awhile i needed help, but now i am so happy to tell people that there is a reason for the way I am and it's not just me being cruel and angry. It's ok to admit that you have this illness. It is truly a relief to know that I am not crazy and there are others like me.
 
Posts: 2 | Location: Indiana | Registered: 10-16-2007Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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Hello all,
I'm sitting here at 2 am, trying to make sense of what has happened to me tonight. I am trying to build trust with my recently diagnosed bp boyfriend. I found out that all the work and progress I thought he was making was a lie. Now, he is out of control with anger and rage. I don't know if I backed him into a corner by demanding he prove he was following through with the rules we had agreed on or if his meds are pushing him over the edge. He has so much hatred and anger directed only at me now. He ask me to leave him alone for the night. I thought he may try to hurt himself or do something to someone else so I called him and things are very bad . I'm frightened of what he is capable of when he does this. I'm angry for the lies and deception and I'm hurt by the fact that I can't get through to him no matter what I do or say. Please share your thouhgts and what I can do to help him. I can't see past his betrayal right now to be kind and understanding. But I do need advise on how to talk about the ordeal when he becomes rational again. Could the fact that he has been caught and backed into a corner trigger this in him? Could it be his meds? This is the first time he has taken anything and he has only been taking them for abot 1 1/2 months. How can I help him when he wants to be alone and angry? Help me please, I am at wits end.
 
Posts: 26 | Location: PA | Registered: 10-04-2007Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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Dear Chloe,

As a person with bipolar, I can only speak from feelings. When I say I want space when I am mad or depressed I don't really. Its actually when I need someone the most; to just listen. My advice for you is to "go away" but keep the door open. Let him know that you are there to listen if he needs you to. That way his initial reaction on him wanting you to go away is there, but that he knows you are still there.

As far as your feelings are concerned I can understand. Now not only do you have to deal with everyday life concerns of a relationship you have to learn to work with his moods. Its easy to feel angry. And to want to give up. Please don't. Because he is newly diagnosed he will go through many moods and thoughts before he understands. And can cope with them. Understand that if you are the closest person to him you are his easiest target. per say. My best advice to you is decide if this is something you are able to overcome, if it is something you want to overcome. The more you learn about bipolar disorder the more you will be able to understand that he is not intentionally trying to hurt or deceive you. Even though I truely believe he needs you to be there for him now more than ever. There is no excuse for any kind of physical or emotional abuse. But it can happen sometimes. Really think things through.

I hope that helped. Maybe got you thinking about things. I have personally put people close to me through hell and back. Some stayed some left. It is up to you....but he will one day be able to thank you for being there from the beginning. Good Luck
 
Posts: 1 | Location: mddcva | Registered: 10-29-2007Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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I made it through 2 days of being treated like crap. It has gotten to the point that any question I ask turns to a violent rage . I finally ask him what he wanted and he said that he could not get better, I am the triiger for him. Oaky, is it wrong to question and want a normal adult conversation? I have went through many things in 4 years and I still can't get answers for repeated behaviors that are destroying me. He is constantly seeking out other women to replace me, and all the while trying to maintain a relationship with me. He says he is doing right by me but has continued all the behaviors that are ruining any conection that still remains. I have stopped any contact with him. He has not tried to contact me either. He refuses to see me as anything but the root of all the problems in his life. I am so afraid that I will get better and move on and he will call or show up. Why do I feel that this is all my fault? I am fighting myself every moment of the day to not go to him, probably to be lashed out at and belittled again. I found a therapist who has started me on my way back to good. But why am I so obsessed with fixing him in the meantime? If they had a photo of a codependent I would be sitting there smiling beside the definition!! 4 days is a long time without contact. I want to scream out and tell him "I'm here, like I've always been, why can't you see me"? I have deleted anything on my computer that I used to track him, I have avoided his street as much as I can but still catch myself driving by to check for his vehicle. I think the last 4 years have drove me to this. I feel like I have to know what he is doing to me before it sneaks up and bites me in the butt! Am I better than this, yes. Can I stop, I try. Will I go back? I pray that I can find the strenth to make it this time. But I sit here asking myself why doesn't he call? Yuk, I make myself sick. I have to stay strong, but it's killing me inside.
 
Posts: 26 | Location: PA | Registered: 10-04-2007Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
G
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Dear Chloe,

I am sorry for your pain, and truly understand what you are going through. You nailed it when you said you are codependent. In any BP/Non-BP relationship, it is hard to distinguish who the crazy one is after awhile. I know the word "crazy" isn't polite, politically correct or proper medical terminology for an illness, but it's succinct. Your BP's crazy making behavior is a key component of their symptoms & modus operandi. Stringing you along, prolonging the drama, and squeezing out the last drop of pain to feed their insatiable need for emotional stimulation is classic BP. It's a control issue that they have practiced a long time, are uniquely suited for, and won't stop until you are an empty shell. You are trying to rationalize something that cannot be rationalized and your post indicates that you are aware of the incongruency but can't stop yourself. Please - just stop. Get on with your life and cut the BP out of it. As soon as he realizes he is no longer going to get his emotional "fix" from you, he will move on to his next unfortunate victim. I know it is hard to except, but you will not be a thought in his head once you move on except to bash you when reminded of you as yet another "loser" who did not fulfill their needs any longer. It's horrifying to think of yourself as a figurative empty crack cocaine container, but if you can do it, it will help you visualize what you need to do, and break away. The fact that you are on this board and struggling to figure out what is going on is evidence that you are an intelligent, thoughtful and caring person and there are lots of guys out there who are more worthy of your attention and devotion. I posted a couple of things in the Friends & Loved Ones section on patterns of a BP/Non-BP relationship and think you will take some comfort reading it and knowing that you are not alone, and what you might expect if you continue in the relationship. There are an estimated 2,000,000+ BP's in the USA, and they directly impact at least one person, and most often immediate families of 3 to 6 spouses & children. Whatever the total might be, it's millions of people, and the craziest thing of all is that there are only a handful of boards like this to get help Non-BP's. You might try picking up the book "Walking on Eggshells" - it's for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) but contains useful strategies for coping with BP's. I'll close by again recommending you break free and run away as far as possible from your BP as fast as possible but understand that you will choose your own path. Good luck. God Bless. G
 
Posts: 28 | Location: New Jersey | Registered: 11-01-2007Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
G
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Just a quick note to the BP's who might take offense at some of my posts and have written posts to this thread. I am truly sympathetic to your condition and understand you did not choose to be BP, and are dependent on Non-BP's to help you. I also understand that going for help and medication has far reaching implications as far as ability to get insurance, jobs, and the burden of being "classified." Scary stuff and it should not be that way. Our society is stuck in the 50's when it comes to perceptions of mental illness, and medieval in some ways with regards to treatment if you hook up with an unqualified doctor. Add to the mix that 40% of the people in the USA are without healthcare insurance and its a genuine nightmare for too many people. There are dozens of contributing factors for not getting help. Now comes the "however" - a BP's inability to regulate emotions and drive for emotional intensity causes complete havoc and devastation to the Non-BP's who choose to love them. While I undersand that there was no way a BP can control their feelings of rage and depression anymore than a diabetic can control their insulin production, the fact of the matter is that a Non-BP cannot be expected to manage that either. Most BP's will not seek help until they hit rock bottom and the self absorption that is part of the illness does not allow for them to rationally consider the toll that takes on their Non-BP loved ones. That's not a comdemnation - its just the way it is. For the BP's here looking for help, there is only one way that currently works (most of the time) and that is to get medication & treatment from a qualified medical professional. Most of the BP's on this board will not get treatment and in that case, a Non-BP doesn't stand a chance of succeeding in sustaining a meaningful, healthy relationship and is doomed to suffer a lot of pain. My wish, prayers, and hope is that the BP's here will seek medical attention and lead healthy, joyful, and productive lives. I have the same hopes for the Non-BP's here. Unfortunately, the Non-BP's on this board are here largely because they cannot understand or cope with BP's and since the majority are dealing with BP's who are self-medicating (doesn't work), not medicating (definitely doesn't work), or are off and on medication - then the only possible option the Non-BP has if they want to remain sane themselves is to leave. Hard choices for everyone. It seems the only logical choice for a BP to sustain a relationship and not hurt others is to accept the fact that they are ill and get medication. I'm sorry if that precludes the BP from specific jobs and restricts healthcare and insurance options, but thats the same case for many other who have different maladies. My experience is that BP's are generally content with being BP despite what they say. A BP's actions speak louder than words, and the rush that a BP gets from their rages and their delight in causing and inflicting pain is as powerful an addiction as crack and heroin - and it's not illegal. BP's may be ill but are still entirely capable of making choices, and Non-BP's need to remember that they need to make choices as well. Some really tough issues to deal with, and the reason for my advice to Non-BP's to extract themselves from the situations they are in by choosing to leave their BP loved ones to their choices. Good luck. God Bless.
 
Posts: 28 | Location: New Jersey | Registered: 11-01-2007Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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G,
Thanks for the response. I had to take the cat to the vet today. I went to his apartment and it was dirty, smelly and empty of any character. Just like the last one. My question is, if he knows he is bp, takes meds now and knows he has a problem why does he not want to do the things to correct the issues in his life that make him so miserable. He devotes his time to laying on the couch,watching porn, talking to women on the internet and trying to reinvent himself for someone else to except him into their life. He is trying so hard to find someone who "likes" the guy that he gets to be in a new relationship. He refuses to see that by taking the baggage of the "real" him he is going to destroy any chance of him getting better or getting someone who will actually know him. He has told so many lies about me, told women that he has been great to me and I am just so horrible. When they find out that he's lied or they realize he is not what he says then they break off the talk or run for the hills.(Lucky them). I know that he will continue this because we had this happen over and over. Same promises, same lies. The same rage when he is caught. He says he can't give me what I need, but keeps drawing me back in. Why can't we get this over with? Why do I feel like I have to remain in the pain and anger that he call love?
I see my therapist again Wednesday, I feel so much better about this but I am still afraid of losing him. If you could give insight, please do. I correspond with another person who has broke away from a bp husband and I look forward to every post. Thanks for your support. This site has saved me from doing something I'll reget more than I can count. Thank You!

Chloe
 
Posts: 26 | Location: PA | Registered: 10-04-2007Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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Dear G and Chloe specifically
and anyone else :

G
quote:
:Just a quick note to the BP's who might take offense at some of my posts ..

me>I'm going to try and keep this short. But G I have taken huge offence as I am sure other "BPs" would too.
Excuse this post if it sounds short in mood but its best I put this down as concisely as possible;

Mr/Ms G,
>just the term "sympathetic/sympathy" (which you say you are)
..is condescending and judgemental..
us bad-BP people are in desperate need of "empathy" and not "sympathy" - there's a huge difference and it is a valuable lesson to learn for anyone dealing with BP's or even normal people.

>you certainly don't understand (us) at all if you think "we bad-BPs are able to be normal" and I further truly cannot believe that you are advising anyone to drop a BP-relationship cos it just isn't worth the mission?!?!
I mean I am shocked that you generalise and make a blanket statement.

>I am on meds (have been through many (med) changes which have often made me worse), I see therapistS etc. and yet I still cannot control my rage/depression (which comes out of no-where, i even have real problems recognising all the "triggers").
Believe me, if I were able to control this, I WOULD (and I DO try with all my heart and might every day!)

>I have lost friends (out of my own choice, by rather shutting them out than letting them see my pain/anger).
>I struggle to keep a stable job (so I freelance where I work quietly (mostly) and don't get involved in office-politics and take off days (work from home) when needed ie manic/blue).
>I blown money, have had car accidents.. and yet through it all I have tried my utmost to remain in control.. to such a degree that now I am aggoraphobic because it is easier not to leave the house.. etc. AND THIS IS WHILE ON carefully monitored MEDS with therapy (psychiatrist and psychologist).

>Chloe, I really feel for you, (but from me) if you love him.. give him a chance.. don't tell him what to do and don't blame him (ie try not to judge)... just listen, don't agree but don't put him down. Let him have space to breathe/calm his thoughts.
True BPs do eventually see some logic and light and then calm.
However (big "however") I do feel from reading your posts (pls excuse me if I am wrong) that this boyfriend is young (ie you don't live together, etc) and immature and many of his reactions cannot purely be blamed on BP.. but are tempetuous/immature reactions to life in (can I judgeSmiler a person's early 20's?
He certainly does need help but you cannot blame the entire situation on BP.

G[quote]: ..and understand you did not choose to be BP, and are dependent on Non-BP's to help you.

>no i didn't choose this, but I don't necessarily need non-bps to help me (bipolar forums help me as much as my therapists).. / I'm not dependant on anyone mostly.

G[quote]:Our society is stuck in the 50's when it comes to perceptions of mental illness, and medieval in some ways with regards to treatment if you hook up with an unqualified doctor... There are dozens of contributing factors for not getting help....

>your opinion is also stuck in another era/planet. you sound bitter/your ego damaged.. were you hurt by a BP??..
Because I know, that I / they (BPs), LOVE and CARE to such a heightened capacity that they can really get under someone's skin.
I mean I have had people obsessed with me.. because i can be so loving and gentle and passionate and inspiring.
Yes I strive (each day) for more balance (and am sometimes better) yet people adore/d me for my fury and passion..
G, Did you adore someone for their passion and it turned into a fury you could not empathise with?

G[quote]: Now comes the "however" a BP's inability to regulate emotions and drive for emotional intensity causes complete havoc and devastation to the Non-BP's who choose to love them. While I undersand that there was no way a BP can control their feelings of rage and depression anymore than a diabetic can control their insulin production, the fact of the matter is that a Non-BP cannot be expected to manage that either...
..That's not a comdemnation - its just the way it is.

>again this is very judgemental and again an incredible generalisation!
one moment you say we BPs cannot control our feelings (ie like "diabetics") and later (below) you say ("BP's may be ill but are still entirely capable of making choices).
I'm not understanding your stance?

G[quote]: For the BP's here looking for help, there is only one way that currently works (most of the time) and that is to get medication & treatment from a qualified medical professional.

> I get the treatment (which is slowly bankrupting me) I work on this every day.. but still (what I call) "the fury and the fall" happens!

G[quote]: Unfortunately, the Non-BP's on this board are here largely because they cannot understand or cope with BP's ....
..It seems the only logical choice for a BP to sustain a relationship and not hurt others is to accept the fact that they are ill and get medication.

>I'm a classic example of one who accepts my disorder and has obtained all the help possible.. yet still I struggle!
(its really hurtful this label "BPs".. I am not a BP, I am someone who has a disorder. the disorder is not me)
anyhow.. as i said i don't want to ramble..
>What I need is less judgement/more empathy and more acceptance by others..
because as I've said my brightness is blinding and my darkness all consuming.
Note: I do agree that family/friends/lovers should seek advice/information etc..
But each situation must be seen in its own unique context.

>YES it takes a special person to deal with me.. but I have had a few who have managed.. through EMPATHY, not sympathy!
and they were STRONG people. very sure of who they were, who did not crumble when i raged and who would not get fearful when i was suicidal.
Emotionally-immature/egotistical etc people are not strong enough for me (speaking for myself).

>so NON-BPs all have their very own labels too.
and relationships work between people not labels depending on understanding and a bit of compromise and some kindness.. (you get the picture).

G[quote]: My experience is that BP's are generally content with being BP despite what they say.

>yes, your experience.
>mmmm I have spent hours and huge amounts of money on this/me/my condition.. I AM NEVER content with me when i lose control.
I am always searching for ways to better me and help me manage each day.
(good advice: meditation, yogo, chi kung breathing, heart-thumping gym workouts, etc.. because I need to calm and I also need to release energy.. so different types of workouts help at different times.)

>Chloe, i stopped drinking (alcohol) completely when i started meds, i watch my sugar & coffee (causes energy dips/peaks), I try very hard to have 8 hrs sleep a night (sticking to a schedule).. I try to eat well (no junk food etc)..

>These are valuable plans to put in place for someone with Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorders.. NON-BPs can help with this.
I had a boyfriend who used to say "enough coffee now", "stop chain smoking", "stop eating all those sweets", "you're getting nasty..you need some food.." etc.
That is what we need.. people who help recognise physiological triggers as much as psychological.. etc. (don't want to ramble)..

G[quote]: A BP's actions speak louder than words, and the rush that a BP gets from their rages and their delight in causing and inflicting pain is as powerful an addiction as crack and heroin - and it's not illegal.

>I am sorry G if you have (possibly - i am reading too much into your posts) been hurt irrevocably by a BP, I know it is hard, but I believe one can have "a" relationship when one is kind and caring and doesn't let the ego control them!
>the "rush" is true, however when we bump down below ground again... we KNOW that our rages have hurt us as bad as others. I have cried and apologised to one family member 1000s of times.. a non-BP can surely deal with this when (as my sibling knows) the mood will pass.
>she says she takes me "with a pinch of salt" sometimes.

G[quote]: BP's may be ill but are still entirely capable of making choices..

>not true (as per my comments above and your reference to "diabetes"), our choices are mostly/often irrational & illogical ones.
Logic can be beyond (us) at times.
If choices were "in our control" do you really believe I would blow money, sleep with the wrong people, get so excited people don't really understand me, scream, cry, hurt myself and then stay in bed for days hating everything but mostly myself???
Honestly .. as an intelligent person would i do this intentionally?
... hence there is little logic in your statment.

G[quote]: and the reason for my advice to Non-BP's to extract themselves from the situations they are in by choosing to leave their BP loved ones to their choices. Good luck. God Bless.


>very harsh of you.
Again, G.. I am sorry if you have been hurt and had (things/life/family etc) destroyed by a BP!!

I know that there are many (of us) who do NOT TRY to work on their issues, I know that many are very damaging (I have a friend who dated a BP and she is still shell-shocked)..
However pls know (and take this from my post) that my main concern with your post/s is the manner in which you generalise and it is very hurtful to those of us who are working very hard (every moment of every day) at "being better than bad"-BPs.

Chloe, and other "non-BPs",
There are times to walk away and there are times to give us a chance.
There are also times to try and see what is the "disorder/illness" and what is pure simple relationship-incompatibility...
I really feel for you, I pray you are doing well today. (your posts are from late last year and I do want to know if you got through Christmas/New Year etc ok!?
Pls post a response.

We (all - labelled and unlabelled) need to breathe, eat well, sleep well, keep schedules, have security, take responsiblity for our time here, etc and without that we are all able to tumble, some to lesser degree.. and others to a whole 360degrees.

BPs - Our light is as beautiful as our dark is not.
Much cyber-care to both of you.
 
Posts: 1 | Location: southern africa | Registered: 01-23-2008Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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