:Just a quick note to the BP's who might take offense at some of my posts ..
me>I'm going to try and keep this short. But G I have taken huge offence as I am sure other "BPs" would too.
Excuse this post if it sounds short in mood but its best I put this down as concisely as possible;
Mr/Ms G,
>just the term "sympathetic/sympathy" (which you say you are)
..is condescending and judgemental..
us bad-BP people are in desperate need of "empathy" and not "sympathy" - there's a huge difference and it is a valuable lesson to learn for anyone dealing with BP's or even normal people.
>you certainly don't understand (us) at all if you think "we bad-BPs are able to be normal" and I further truly cannot believe that you are advising anyone to drop a BP-relationship cos it just isn't worth the mission?!?!
I mean I am shocked that you generalise and make a blanket statement.
>I am on meds (have been through many (med) changes which have often made me worse), I see therapistS etc. and yet I still cannot control my rage/depression (which comes out of no-where, i even have real problems recognising all the "triggers").
Believe me, if I were able to control this, I WOULD (and I DO try with all my heart and might every day!)
>I have lost friends (out of my own choice, by rather shutting them out than letting them see my pain/anger).
>I struggle to keep a stable job (so I freelance where I work quietly (mostly) and don't get involved in office-politics and take off days (work from home) when needed ie manic/blue).
>I blown money, have had car accidents.. and yet through it all I have tried my utmost to remain in control.. to such a degree that now I am aggoraphobic because it is easier not to leave the house.. etc. AND THIS IS WHILE ON carefully monitored MEDS with therapy (psychiatrist and psychologist).
>Chloe, I really feel for you, (but from me) if you love him.. give him a chance.. don't tell him what to do and don't blame him (ie try not to judge)... just listen, don't agree but don't put him down. Let him have space to breathe/calm his thoughts.
True BPs do eventually see some logic and light and then calm.
However (big "however") I do feel from reading your posts (pls excuse me if I am wrong) that this boyfriend is young (ie you don't live together, etc) and immature and many of his reactions cannot purely be blamed on BP.. but are tempetuous/immature reactions to life in (can I judge

a person's early 20's?
He certainly does need help but you cannot blame the entire situation on BP.
G[quote]: ..and understand you did not choose to be BP, and are dependent on Non-BP's to help you.
>no i didn't choose this, but I don't necessarily need non-bps to help me (bipolar forums help me as much as my therapists).. / I'm not dependant on anyone mostly.
G[quote]:Our society is stuck in the 50's when it comes to perceptions of mental illness, and medieval in some ways with regards to treatment if you hook up with an unqualified doctor... There are dozens of contributing factors for not getting help....
>your opinion is also stuck in another era/planet. you sound bitter/your ego damaged.. were you hurt by a BP??..
Because I know, that I / they (BPs), LOVE and CARE to such a heightened capacity that they can really get under someone's skin.
I mean I have had people obsessed with me.. because i can be so loving and gentle and passionate and inspiring.
Yes I strive (each day) for more balance (and am sometimes better) yet people adore/d me for my fury and passion..
G, Did you adore someone for their passion and it turned into a fury you could not empathise with?
G[quote]: Now comes the "however" a BP's inability to regulate emotions and drive for emotional intensity causes complete havoc and devastation to the Non-BP's who choose to love them. While I undersand that there was no way a BP can control their feelings of rage and depression anymore than a diabetic can control their insulin production, the fact of the matter is that a Non-BP cannot be expected to manage that either...
..That's not a comdemnation - its just the way it is.
>again this is very judgemental and again an incredible generalisation!
one moment you say we BPs cannot control our feelings (ie like "diabetics") and later (below) you say ("BP's may be ill but are still entirely capable of making choices).
I'm not understanding your stance?
G[quote]: For the BP's here looking for help, there is only one way that currently works (most of the time) and that is to get medication & treatment from a qualified medical professional.
> I get the treatment (which is slowly bankrupting me) I work on this every day.. but still (what I call) "the fury and the fall" happens!
G[quote]: Unfortunately, the Non-BP's on this board are here largely because they cannot understand or cope with BP's ....
..It seems the only logical choice for a BP to sustain a relationship and not hurt others is to accept the fact that they are ill and get medication.
>I'm a classic example of one who accepts my disorder and has obtained all the help possible.. yet still I struggle!
(its really hurtful this label "BPs".. I am not a BP, I am someone who has a disorder. the disorder is not me)
anyhow.. as i said i don't want to ramble..
>What I need is less judgement/more empathy and more acceptance by others..
because as I've said my brightness is blinding and my darkness all consuming.
Note: I do agree that family/friends/lovers should seek advice/information etc..
But each situation must be seen in its own unique context.
>YES it takes a special person to deal with me.. but I have had a few who have managed.. through EMPATHY, not sympathy!
and they were STRONG people. very sure of who they were, who did not crumble when i raged and who would not get fearful when i was suicidal.
Emotionally-immature/egotistical etc people are not strong enough for me (speaking for myself).
>so NON-BPs all have their very own labels too.
and relationships work between people not labels depending on understanding and a bit of compromise and some kindness.. (you get the picture).
G[quote]: My experience is that BP's are generally content with being BP despite what they say.
>yes, your experience.
>mmmm I have spent hours and huge amounts of money on this/me/my condition.. I AM NEVER content with me when i lose control.
I am always searching for ways to better me and help me manage each day.
(good advice: meditation, yogo, chi kung breathing, heart-thumping gym workouts, etc.. because I need to calm and I also need to release energy.. so different types of workouts help at different times.)
>Chloe, i stopped drinking (alcohol) completely when i started meds, i watch my sugar & coffee (causes energy dips/peaks), I try very hard to have 8 hrs sleep a night (sticking to a schedule).. I try to eat well (no junk food etc)..
>These are valuable plans to put in place for someone with Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorders.. NON-BPs can help with this.
I had a boyfriend who used to say "enough coffee now", "stop chain smoking", "stop eating all those sweets", "you're getting nasty..you need some food.." etc.
That is what we need.. people who help recognise physiological triggers as much as psychological.. etc. (don't want to ramble)..
G[quote]: A BP's actions speak louder than words, and the rush that a BP gets from their rages and their delight in causing and inflicting pain is as powerful an addiction as crack and heroin - and it's not illegal.
>I am sorry G if you have (possibly - i am reading too much into your posts) been hurt irrevocably by a BP, I know it is hard, but I believe one can have "a" relationship when one is kind and caring and doesn't let the ego control them!
>the "rush" is true, however when we bump down below ground again... we KNOW that our rages have hurt us as bad as others. I have cried and apologised to one family member 1000s of times.. a non-BP can surely deal with this when (as my sibling knows) the mood will pass.
>she says she takes me "with a pinch of salt" sometimes.
G[quote]: BP's may be ill but are still entirely capable of making choices..
>not true (as per my comments above and your reference to "diabetes"), our choices are mostly/often irrational & illogical ones.
Logic can be beyond (us) at times.
If choices were "in our control" do you really believe I would blow money, sleep with the wrong people, get so excited people don't really understand me, scream, cry, hurt myself and then stay in bed for days hating everything but mostly myself???
Honestly .. as an intelligent person would i do this intentionally?
... hence there is little logic in your statment.
G[quote]: and the reason for my advice to Non-BP's to extract themselves from the situations they are in by choosing to leave their BP loved ones to their choices. Good luck. God Bless.