Bipolar Depression

Here is a email that was sent to me by my older sister. You've read where my family is of the old south regarding mental illness. Well... this has now somewhat inched me closer to the edge for "it is all in my head" apparently.

email is free. Avail yourself.
As far as the Lithum goes--- the month before you were officially diagnosised with this horrible thing-- how did you feel?

If you had never gone to Dr Burgert and started this, thus never having gotten Lithium to begin with--how did you feel? Do you feel better or worse with the lithium? Since you can't take the antidepressants which are the mood stabilizers--is there any point in taking the lithium?

Where do you think your life would have been if you had never gone to Dr Burgert and started this process? In years past, you had some good weeks and some really bad weeks/months but you always came out of it some how or another.

You didn't take drugs and didn't weigh 200 # and were still employeed. Have you had any good weeks since this started?

My point is, it seems to me (an outsider looking in) that you haven't had more than 3 good days since this started and before you would have good weeks at a time.

People's subconscious minds hold on to things. Adults always had more nausea/vomiting and side effects of chemotherapy because they knew about the side effects and were expecting them. Children seldom ever had the same side effects or at least not to the same degree that adults had them. They had no preconceived notions and didn't know they were supposed to be sick.

Please don't take this in the wrong vein and think that I am saying that you are doing this to your self. I am not. I am just pondering a thought. You seem to be much worse off with a diagnosis and all this medicine.

Did you have the screaming, crying, ranting rages before, because none of us remember them, or did you hide them better?

Try not to scream at me, I also am venting and wondering how to talk to you without making everything worse..

Marie, I know this is old postings but this is so I&^%&^T%#*I&^T&*^(*&%$^%$(*&. I hope im not gona make this worse tell me if i do and I wont rant on your family ever again cause i dont want to upset u. Questions for "sis" Did you ever really notice how she was feeling? If no one wanted to hear about how Marie was doing Im quite cetain she DIDNT TELL YOU!! "Sis", until you can walk a mile in Marie's shoes dont try to tell her how and When she should feel stuff. Thanks Marie for letting me vent i hope i didnt upset you. You have helped me tonite cause im not crying now. :-)
I hope we can chat sometime.

Phoenix

Im not real sure what That guy meant, maybe he took too many benzodiazapines, but these mssg boards kinda stink.I left a really long, intimate post which I thought would initiate some responses from people who could relate - hell, maybe even people who wanted to talk about symptoms or meds or something! I mean isnt that what these message boards are for? I got 2 - I repeat ONLY TWO - lame and somewhat condescending replies. Thank you my fellow ( And OH So Fucking SUPPORTIVE ) bipolar humans. Hello? Are you people that medicated that you cant be stimulated into a conversation about issues? Or are we all just hibernating? I have seen one active post, someone's partner is symptomatic and they are enabling....these folks arent even the bipolars, they are the significant others. and only the sane can post blogs here? everyone knows those blessed with pressured speech blog better! This site must be All In My Head...

janislovinggodess:

I have found where responses to posts here on this site do tend to take several days or longer. A lot of folks read the posts but few actually answer any except for Lynne and well.. it appears myself lately and I am not one of the main individuals on this site.

The last time I replied was because a SO stated her husband - during an extreme manic spell - beat her and allowed someone to rape her - basically told me I was a bitch for basically suggesting she need to leave for a while until he got managed in case something worse happened next time.

Yes, I went a bit over the board but was horriably concerned and well.. anyway it has left a bad impression on me and I don't have the want to reply to any other post, except this one.

If you want something more readily replied to - you need to check out Pendulum.org. There are hundreds of folks that will reply to you, some within 24 hours of your post.

Marie

Hello, Iam one of the wives of the BP who post here. My husband will not participate in these forums and I find they really help. So I do and I keep him up to date with what you all say. He just cannot show his emotions very easily, which is a problem too. I hope I am not an enabler, I want to help my husband but I do no put up with abuse.

hey marie! High Five! you shouldve told her that if she was gonna tell off people who were trying tohelp her she might as well just go stand outside naked with a sign on her ass that says "free piece". I mean, geez she was raped and she was cool with that? you were waaaay behind the line sweetie, you did good. Bipolar is not an excuse to just go around causing anarchy. if it was I wouldnt be sitting here typing right now, Id be much closer to ol' dubbya, if ya know what I mean hehhe, but seriously if that chic cared about her ol man she wouldve had him arrested or commited at least. Thanks for the tip about Pendulum, Ill try it out. I used to chat in a room on AOL, but it got wicked.
and as for you, wits end, "hello there" enablers dont try to keep up with latest info and communicate it to patients. They usually go buy them beer and sit around agreeing with them when they say stuff like "meds dont work" and "you are the reason Im always fuckin up, you lazy bitch" (haha, funny ) ( ok, its true, but I was being funny) Seriously, though, I dont think youre one of the enablers. its cool you support your ol man and check out the boards for him.
I appreciate yall replying I was beginning to feel pretty left out.I always sign with my email so ppl can chat me up anytime. I believe the more we all communicate, the more we will learn about bipolar and how we can cope.So I am on this stupid keyboard everyday searching links and resources and tring to find ppl to talk to. Pretty lame, huh? Yeah, so Im gonna go paint now cause I learned that wives can be really smart or really stupid, and some people are too polite

Janis.. i think its great you and marie and everyone else posts because i read and learn. i learned that i was once again being an enabler (i was once before with an alcoholic father), and that i needed to either stop or change my behavior or he would have no reason to change his. i moved out, and it worked. he hit the bottom with a thud and has been on his med schedule ever since. i see him daily now and am on the verge of moving back in. if it works great, if it doesnt, then i'll have to go again, but at least i know that now. i guess i probably do tend to whine here...and in the beginning all i could do was sit here and type and cry and i know that must have come out on the page. but i didnt know what else to do and i certainly couldnt tell my immediate family. they all want me to dump him anyway. This forum has since become my place to vent and to read and learn. i know its really REALLY strange to say that i dont feel alone sitting in the dark with only the light of the computer screen lighting the way, and i know that im reading black letters on a white page, but it does help. thanks for the honesty. without honest people like marie and lynne, i'd still be sitting in the corner cringing and wringing my hands not knowing what it was that i did wrong. now i know that its not my fault and i do not have to take bull. thanks to all

Marie,


WOW, i thought i was all alone on this one. AND hey i'm in california talk about a flip from old south. MY best friend is pulling the same act on me. It sucks, it hurts and since, i've made a choice not to tell her ANYTHING anymore. SO, it is what it is. Family, friends, doesn't matter, people don't like change. AND their scared to death of mental illness.

Unfourtunately for us, we have no choice. They, think we are battleing a disorder , or aren't, doesn't matter or change the fact that YESSSSSSSSSS we're in need of help.

Some how, don't ask me but people don't view mental illness as a legit diease.

Your sister mentioned Cancer and chemo side effects. And the suggestion, of a side effect,will magically make that patient sick from the suggestion, not the chemo.

UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

My mother had colon cancer three years ago. They cut it out and resectioned her back. She was on chemo for TWO YEARS, and the ox had NO major side effects, sick and flu like sure, but not throwing up for 48 hours after.

Your sister is a victum of miss information. You fortunately are no longer a victum of your illness. Which is very REAL, you know it.
Your medication side effects are real, but, are they as powerful as the illness?

Do you think for one moment that you would like to go back into the side effects of Bipolar without treatment? I know i wouldn't.

I never want to go back into hell, and let me tell you no one else goes for you. YOU feel it. Not them.

Tell them NOTHING any more. They don't have that right to know. NO MORE. SORRY they blew that chance.

Now, its family. AND darling that hurts like no other, i understand. BUT, does it hurt more to be ill? Its not in your head, this is a real, valid, serious illness.

AND for some reason, the moment we start treating it, a bunch of insane prairie dogs pop up with their dynamic medical opinion, EVEN THOUGH THEIR NOT #$#$^%$!@ DOCTORS!!

It would make even the calmest of persons want to ripp their hair out. BUT we're not gonnna are we? Because we know MORE than they do, that its not in your head, its your head having an illness.

Ok, so some advice. DO NOT READ ANYMORE EMAILS from anyone who gets in the way of your recovery. I'm sorry this is happening to you with family. But you need to stay on your meds, you need support from people who know what your going through.

AND most importantly, YOU deserve to be a healthy person, no matter what. If the lithium is troubling you, then talk to your PD , discuss what might be a better system at attacking this VERY REAL diease.

OH, you know i have a book i read when i was first diagnosed. I had trouble accepting this illness, untill of course i started to feel a million times better. ITs called...

"Bipolar Disorder Demystified: Mastering The Tightrope Of Manic Depression."
BY Lana R. Castle

Please read it, i mean i was stunned. Its sooooooooo full of info and guidence. AND its not cold, like most books are, about an illnesses.

Ok i've babbled enough. Remember at the end of the day its your mind you have to live with, not theirs. Keep doing the hard work at healing it, i promise its not in your head.

Many prayers

I'm brand-new to this site, and I couldn't even read all the replies to your message because I'm crying so hard. You all just may be my salvation. I was diagnosed last year after years of hell. I've tried to accept this condition, but then someone makes a stupid comment like "are you doing this to get attention?" and I feel so ashamed that I go off my lithium and get REALLY out of control!

I live on an island in Alaska and feel completely, totally alone in this. Thank you THANK YOU for showing me there are people like me. I think I'll go take my meds now.

Hi. New at this. Not very computer savvy. However, don't have any other means of support right now. Family seems to think I can magically make this all disappear if I just think more positive. Husband offers support but I feel he doesn't try hard, or maybe not at all. He won't read anything about this disorder or find a family support group/therapist or anything. He's just concerned about getting me on meds. I am on meds. I see a doctor regularly. But everytime I get a little symptomatic, he gets irritated and acts highly disappointed in me. I tried to tell a friend about my disorder for support. She is not only my friend anymore, her choice, but she joined up with someone who doesn't like me and they texted me things, calling me names, making fun of my disorder. I eventually changed my number, but not I am so embarassed by this thing that I avoid going out in public. I worry that people see it, that I wear it on my shoulder. I have no one to talk to about it, so I sit here with my self trying to cope alone. I know that having support is crucial. So I don't know what else to do right now. I can definantly see how one could feel so much despair that suicide seems a much welcomed answer as opposed to this. I was only diagnosed 3 months ago and in the midst of trying to find the right med and dose, the right doctor for long term care/observation, and building a support group... I am still left with just me. I am sick of hearing my family's opinion that I'm too emotional, and that I don't need meds, that it's all in my head. That echos like a broken record: Just get over it, it's all in your head...

Ballet girl,
Can you believe that someone could actually think we would do this all for attention? They must not know the pains that this causes physically, emotionally, mentally... they don't seem to hear us when were screaming for help, something, anything other than to feel this way. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Attention?! I can't even begin to tell you how much I hate it when someone says that. My only solace is to remind myself that they are just uneducated and flat out ignorant to this disorder. Kinda makes me feel good in a sense because we know more than them about it.

Three Stars,
Can definantly relate to TELLING NO ONE anymore. All the experiences I've had with it have bombed. In my opinion, if your friend comes to you with a crisis, (and this is in every way a crisis), you should do everything you can to learn about it and help them through it. At least that's how I was taught, and it's what I'd do. Anything less, than I guess the person wasn't my friend in the first place. It sucks, and it hurts. And right now my friend count is ZERO. I often worry if this thing will destroy my whole life. Is there ANY one out there who could at least try to understand and offer support? Or are all people just a bunch face value fakes?! (sorry, just feeling a little mad right now)