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I just came across this site and have already read some helpful things in coping with a significant other who is Bipolar. Here are the basics about my situation.
I've been seeing a girl who I care about deeply and as time went on she told me she was Bipolar. Not knowing a whole lot about it I did some cursory research online and since she was on medication and was apparently "functional" I didn't think much of it.
Recently however her moods have been really changing. A few times upon having mild disagreements in conversations she will jump up, run out of the room, scream about how she can't take it, and leave the house. She's done this three times. Sometimes these outbursts are riddled with expletives and frankly it's scary.
She also claims that she gets into "spells" where she will completely black out and just need to crash. She uses this as the reasoning for why she will drop off the face of the planet, not return calls, and disappear.
Last night in a span of an hour she went from "I don't want you in my life, your better off without me," to "please let's work this out," right back to "I don't care, go away." Again these outbursts are flat out scary.
So for those of you with much more experience than me with this, is her behavior consistent with your experiences at all as it relates to Bipolar? If so, how in the world do you deal with it? I feel horrible for thinking it, but she appears so unstable that I really don't think I want to be associated with it because it's absolutely draining.
The word drained is really the best one to desribe it. I tried to shoot you a private message but apparently their is a permission thing or something with the site so I couldn't.
Suffice to say, I really do feel for you. I think more than likely that I'm going to remove myself from the situation with my GF as it's very hard to not get right along the roller coaster ride with her when she is going through the massive swings. I want to stay in and be strong with her, but the reality is, her swings, and frankly unstable behavior is toxic to everything around her.
I hope your situation improves whichever route you chose.
Like any relationship that has ties, it's always difficult to make a clean break. However with her it appears that any break is going to be a real challenge, only because she will literally turn on a dime with her attitude. I will tell her, we're done, this is to much for me and thirty minutes later she'll text me with a total lovefest type of message as if nothing was wrong. The onus is on me I guess, I have to just stop responding when she flips the mood back to happy/positive. What a mess.
My ex BPSO and I could never seem to have an adult-like disagreement because he would run away - All the Time.
I learned that our disagreements, or arguements, were triggers for him and he would try to avoid them at any cost. He would sometimes disappear for days to "clear his head". But when he came home (we lived together), he would always expect me to apologize. Many times I did just so the whole thing would go away. Not a good thing, though, b/c it was a toxic pattern. I was always apologizing and many times I didn't do anything wrong.
I was w/ him for 5 years. Been through two major mania's (one now that has him out drinking every nite, living in his car, etc.) and one suicide attempt. If I knew then what I know now, I would have ran away from him the minute I met him.
Know that he has also self-medicated (alcohol & pot) for many years even before being diagnosed. He is non-compliant about taking his meds, and has never truly accepted his disorder. He is financially ruined b/c of his mania aftermath's, and is incapable of managing his illness like an adult.
My only advice to you is to read theses and other posts alot. There is so many commonalities amongst us it's scary. You'll read posts from SO's that have been dealing w/ their husband/wife's BP for many years. Some seem to manage pretty well, but many do not.
One thing's for sure, you need to be prepared for a lifetime of learning about BP, being strong for them all the time, sometimes losing yourself in their illness, and a roller coaster ride that you'll want to jump off from.
Sorry to sound negative, but I've had a bad 5 years of drama & chao, financial ruination, broken heart, verbal and emotional abuse, and much more sadness than happiness.
Thank you for your post and your candor. I really appreciate all the feedback and information on this site.
You really hit home on two points. The first is that I'm amazed at how common the experiences really are of those who are SO of those that are BP. When I read some of the stories it's like reading my own nearly word for word.
Speaking of which, you hit the nail on the head in terms of arguments leading to triggering leading to storming out the room. I had never seen anything like it when I experienced this for the first time with my GF. I noticed that if even remotely challenged or even questioned her on an issue she would fly off the handle, grab her things, and hit the door. Of course this was followed hours later sometimes a day or so later with a total reversal which was always accompanied with how she is going to get more help with the problem, how badly she wants things to work and so on. However, when pressed on any issue after that, the same cycle began and off she went, running out the door screaming and completely in another place.
I have decided that I am indeed removing myself from the situation. I have seen far to many disturbing trends that accompany her outbursts and eratic nature that coupled with everything else are just to much to take. I desire a functional relationship not one that is a time bomb waiting to go off at any given minute.
Sorry to hear that you are still experiencing drama. I told my now ex-GF this morning that I was done. As hard as it was to do it, their is a strange sensation I'm beginning to feel again, peace. After a few days I think I will be feeling a lot better. It's just putting that initial distance between us and keeping it there that's going to make the difference. Tomorrow is a new day!
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