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I could not find a local support group for spouses of bipolar sufferers, so I am glad to find this forum. I hope that in sharing some of my experiences with being married to a bipolar woman that I can learn and help others at the same time.
Here'e the first case where I need help . . .
My wife took a trip to Hawaii to visit her sister - a trip that she agreed to during a manic episode. Her sister, even against my pleading request, had my wife agree to pay for a ticket out there. My wife and I had agreed that we could not afford it and the matter was closed - but her sister changed that.
Her sister has a long history of infidelity as well. My wife is not stable and she tends to feed into that, taking advantage of it and manipulating her. She is also quite likely to be bipolar, as all of my wife’s siblings are.
So, my wife goes on this trip without me and doesn’t even ask if I wanted to go. She is mad at me for not sharing her excitement and I feel worried the whole time about what she and her sister will do. Wife is on Seroquel and was advised by her doctor not to drink at all due to risky side effects. Before she leaves, she promises me that they will not be drinking or visiting bars and that she will not be party to any inappropriate behavior on her sister’s part. On the last night she is there, they go out to dinner where my wife orders a Screaming Mia Tia – a 64 oz drink – and has a couple beers after while waiting on her sister to get a tattoo. They then proceed to go to a bar across from the military base where they two of them are 2 of the 3 women in the bar. Men are buying them shots and drinks, flirting with them, trying to get them in bed and they are flirting back.
The next day my wife calls and starts a fight, it’s the day she is to come home. She did not take her medication that night and is hung over to boot. I could tell something was wrong, but she won’t share anything. I ask her specifically if she did anything she shouldn’t have and she says no. I ask her if she drank and she insists that she only had a drink with dinner. She later changes that and I ask her why she lied. She says it was not really a lie. She then gets angry at me, saying I don’t trust her. The phone call ends with a hang up.
Her flight gets in a midnight and she gets home around 1 am, straight to bed, not a word. I go to work the next day (it’s now Monday) and she calls me around lunch to relate the above story. She says she is sorry, but says she really didn’t do anything wrong. She says she is more worried about why she did it than the fact that she did. She expects me to believe that nothing happened, to just believe her. She says that it is my fault, that she is unhappy in our marriage, that it is too much work, that I don’t trust her and that I invalidate her feelings. She insists that we consolidate to one checking account (she is already on my account and I am on hers) and that I have to change, that nothing is wrong with her.
I feel as if she cheated on me. She purposely and intentionally sought the attention of other men. This makes me physically ill just thinking about it. As we discuss it, she states things like “I didn’t do anything wrong” or “It could have been a lot worse, I could have gotten laid many times over.” She continues to attack me and demean me. She refuses to talk to her psychiatrist about the possible effects of the Seroquel (she just started taking it 3 weeks ago, which is also when the depression set in) and is hesitant to go to a counselor with me. She doesn’t want me to speak with her psychiatrist either and he won’t speak to me without a signed consent form. I am tired of this. All I ever wanted was to have a family with a wife who is my partner and who shares the same goals and priorities in life. I honestly feel as though if we did not have a child together, I would have to leave to protect myself.
Advice? Words of encouragement? Am I totally overreacting? Should I worry? If she is totally rejecting me and abusive, should I stay?
Hi there. I am new here too. I saw your post from a couple of months ago and I hope you are doing better. Here is an organization that hold support group meetings in local areas. Just google the name and enter where you live. It should give you a list of groups in your area! Sorry this is a little late but better late than never.
"Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance" or " DBSA"
Or you can contact "NAMI" and they could help find you a support group.
