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It took me several years but I recently ended the relationship with my bp husband. I tolerated a lot of abuse for many many years because I really thought I could help him. Just last year I found out he was bp which explains alot of his behavioral patterns. Because I was with him so long I realized that there was a cycle he was on and I could tell you the months out of the year he was manic and the ones where he was severely depressed. After receiving a diagnosis from pcm he went to psychiatrist once and didn't want to follow up with any of her suggestions or be tested although he displayed all the symptoms. I had to end the relationship because it really was awful. When I first ended it he was harassing me and then threatening me. Over the last few days I haven't heard from him. Does that mean that he finally accepts that things are over? I'm planning on getting a divorce when he is not manic, which if my memory serves me right should be around January or February. Why do some people with bp choose to abuse people they claim to love rather than go to therapy and take meds? How is it that people with this condition can shift back and forth between wonderful to being awful in a matter of months. Why is it when you tell them that you are fed up with the abuse and that you never want to hear from them again that they cry and act like they can't understand why you feel the way you do?
Because they can't understand it. Not they don't want to or don't care, but because they can't.
It seems like you don't have kids.
stick to your guns, but if you want to do this, don't put it off. There are always reasons to delay. don't let him dictate to you. You be in charge of your life.
That, and also, they are master manipulators. I have read that all the time you are thinking of them, they are thinking of them also. They seem to have little concern or regard for others feelings, only for their own. So, when you have finally had enough and throw them out, they aren't thinking about what they did to cause it, they are thinking about how they can get back to their comfortable situation with someone to take care of them and so on. That's my feeling anyway having been married to a BP for 15 years. I have been separated for two years, he does the same thing. If he has a girlfriend, everything's OK. If he doesn't he is crying, wanting to get back with me, but hasn't once asked what he can do to change things so that I would want to get back with him.
I too have been married to a bp spouse for almost 15 years and I'm at my wits' end. He just refuses to take his meds and can't see for himself what he is like without them - manic, short-tempered, and downright exhausting! We have two children with autism, which just raises the bar for stress, but I try to handle most of the tasks with them - he hasn't been to a school meeting in at least 4 years - and only ask that he love them. I will say that he does, and that he has never physically hurt any of us, but it's the constant emotional and mental drain. He wants sex all the time, but I have a lower libido and do not get the emotional connection that I really do need to have a physical one. He uses his diagnosis as an excuse for many of his behaviors, which makes me crazy, but then he refuses to take his lithium (this is the only med that appears to work). We separated for 9 months seven years ago, and have been on the verge of another ever since. Yesterday morning I discovered his bottle of lithium was filled to the brim, and it's fill date was 1/23. I know he was out of meds when he had it refilled. Last night I asked if he was going to please start taking his meds again. He told me flat out, "no". He feels that if he takes them, he cannot keep up with the two online courses he just began as well as his full-time job. He self-medicates with marijuana when he is not at work, but for some stupid reason, he will not take the damn pills. I told him last night that if he does not restart his meds, he will have to find another place to live by the end of the week. This is not a decision I made lightly - I will be the sole parent to two special-needs children, and I work 40+ hours a week myself. So far, he has not taken his meds and I don't think he will. I put the cards in his hand though, and I guess I just have to wait and see how he's going to play them.
Posts: 1 | Location: northern new york | Registered: 03-01-2008
My ex bipolar girfriend never had hit me, but almost "begged to hit her" :
- Abussive language towards me - Emotional abuse - Always blamming for all that goes wrong - During sex/love , stops and says that i'm forcing doing this or that and then cries(happened a lot of times), stopped almost every time after her pleasure, and didnt cared if i've had any. - Wasted all her money and mine on "nothing" without asking - Allways controled my every move - I've said one thing and she understanded other - Lies after lies, giving her mail or phone number to strangers on the web - Talked a lot, on a discussion she was abussive, dramatic, and didnt let me talk at all, abussive on the phone too and on messages - In the begining of the relationship, she already wanted to have a house or mary me - I camed to the conclusion that i couldnt say anything more, she would explode on anything - She couldnt stay too long on a job, she would be fired - After almost 2 years, she said that she needed time for her, to find herself...than said that she doesnt loved me anymore, than came back to me again saying that she loves me but she felt like that because i've hurted her( i didnt)
Conclusion, i left her after another language abuse, i couldnt take it anymore, her dramatic and blaming..and because she still phoned the guy that she was having an affair via webcam chat, and she didnt care, saying that she believed that he loved her and i dont( and she was promiscuous to other guys).It was too much for me, to my own sanity, i was with a depression because of her, and she was on manic stage or mixed, and she didnt care at all if she hurted me ...she DIDNT CARE, i was begging her to help me that i was depressed, i needed her support and she didnt care, instead put the fault on me, that she couldnt help me because she was angry with me, because i hurted her feelings(i didnt), she would lie...and lie...
Been a month today that i ended the relationship, i'm still recovering from the shock....
I don't know why this forum wont let me send private messages, but i find a lot of support on other people stories, so if anybody that need to talk a little(i need) you can add me :
