Make a connection, ask a question, share a concern, give advice or just chat. Our message boards connect you with a community of people who understand where you’re coming from and what you’re going through.
It took me several years but I recently ended the relationship with my bp husband. I tolerated a lot of abuse for many many years because I really thought I could help him. Just last year I found out he was bp which explains alot of his behavioral patterns. Because I was with him so long I realized that there was a cycle he was on and I could tell you the months out of the year he was manic and the ones where he was severely depressed. After receiving a diagnosis from pcm he went to psychiatrist once and didn't want to follow up with any of her suggestions or be tested although he displayed all the symptoms. I had to end the relationship because it really was awful. When I first ended it he was harassing me and then threatening me. Over the last few days I haven't heard from him. Does that mean that he finally accepts that things are over? I'm planning on getting a divorce when he is not manic, which if my memory serves me right should be around January or February. Why do some people with bp choose to abuse people they claim to love rather than go to therapy and take meds? How is it that people with this condition can shift back and forth between wonderful to being awful in a matter of months. Why is it when you tell them that you are fed up with the abuse and that you never want to hear from them again that they cry and act like they can't understand why you feel the way you do?
Because they can't understand it. Not they don't want to or don't care, but because they can't.
It seems like you don't have kids.
stick to your guns, but if you want to do this, don't put it off. There are always reasons to delay. don't let him dictate to you. You be in charge of your life.
That, and also, they are master manipulators. I have read that all the time you are thinking of them, they are thinking of them also. They seem to have little concern or regard for others feelings, only for their own. So, when you have finally had enough and throw them out, they aren't thinking about what they did to cause it, they are thinking about how they can get back to their comfortable situation with someone to take care of them and so on. That's my feeling anyway having been married to a BP for 15 years. I have been separated for two years, he does the same thing. If he has a girlfriend, everything's OK. If he doesn't he is crying, wanting to get back with me, but hasn't once asked what he can do to change things so that I would want to get back with him.
I too have been married to a bp spouse for almost 15 years and I'm at my wits' end. He just refuses to take his meds and can't see for himself what he is like without them - manic, short-tempered, and downright exhausting! We have two children with autism, which just raises the bar for stress, but I try to handle most of the tasks with them - he hasn't been to a school meeting in at least 4 years - and only ask that he love them. I will say that he does, and that he has never physically hurt any of us, but it's the constant emotional and mental drain. He wants sex all the time, but I have a lower libido and do not get the emotional connection that I really do need to have a physical one. He uses his diagnosis as an excuse for many of his behaviors, which makes me crazy, but then he refuses to take his lithium (this is the only med that appears to work). We separated for 9 months seven years ago, and have been on the verge of another ever since. Yesterday morning I discovered his bottle of lithium was filled to the brim, and it's fill date was 1/23. I know he was out of meds when he had it refilled. Last night I asked if he was going to please start taking his meds again. He told me flat out, "no". He feels that if he takes them, he cannot keep up with the two online courses he just began as well as his full-time job. He self-medicates with marijuana when he is not at work, but for some stupid reason, he will not take the damn pills. I told him last night that if he does not restart his meds, he will have to find another place to live by the end of the week. This is not a decision I made lightly - I will be the sole parent to two special-needs children, and I work 40+ hours a week myself. So far, he has not taken his meds and I don't think he will. I put the cards in his hand though, and I guess I just have to wait and see how he's going to play them.
Posts: 1 | Location: northern new york | Registered: 03-01-2008
