Bipolar Depression

I was married to a bipolar woman for 20 years and have been separated/divorced for 5 years. My experience was similar to most everyone here and can be summarized by simply stating it was hell for our sons and me, and continues to be difficult. What I have to add to the forum is that the wounds scar over, healing comes, & will continue for a lifetime.

I am religious, took my oath very seriously, and fought on with the pain for much longer than I should have.

In restrospect, my recommendation is to take your children & run as fast as you can, and as far away as practical, and start the healing process as soon as possible. You have a responsibility to both your children & yourself to end the cycle.

90-95% of all marriages to a bipolar spouse will end in divorce making it an inevitability (almost), but only 15-30% of children of 1 bipolar parent will be bipolar. If recognized & treated early in children, bipolar illness can be mitigated & managed. Every day you delay the inevitable only prolongs the agony & deepens the pain your children experience & puts them at greater risk.

I realize how hard it is to divorce a loved one, but steel yourself to it, establish new friendships that will help strengthen your resolve and get on with your life. Realize that you are not in love with the screaming, thoughtless, and out of control wreck that is now your partner, but that you are in love with the memory of that person. It is right to cherish the memory, but wrong to persist in trying to live on in it instead of addressing the reality of the situation.

If you are a glutton for punishment & can live a lifetime of pain, and watch idly as your children cope with even greater pain, then by all means, stay in the marriage. It will not get "better," and even with treatment (if you can keep your partner on any sort of program) will devolve into the destruction of eveything and everyone you hold dear.

You must accept the fact that your bipolar partner's ulitmate goal is self destruction and the destruction of anyone who is unfortunate enough to be caught in the vortex - and make a choice. My children have adjusted to being in a sane & secure household again & are thriving. I have met another woman & learned how to love again, enjoy peace, and reclaimed my life. I did not forget my oath and continue to take care of my ex-wife financially - from a distance.

The hope you must hold onto is that you have enough strength to save your children, and yourself, & that God will do the rest & provide the strength & love to at least manage & maybe even save your bipolar partner from themselves. Good luck. God bless.

Hi G

Thanks a lot for your honesty and encouregement!!

I have been married for 7y to my husband. I have an other post about my story with all the details. From what my usband tald me when he was 30y he ended up in hospital, because he sufferd from a serious deppression. He was going to anger managemnt therapy for years before we met. Now he is a very aggressive man, verbaly abusiv also physicly, I mean just an primitive jerk. always blaming, yelling, kicking things, etc... I don't know if he was diagnosed before as BP, never told me and never will. He told me that when he was 5y he was diagnosed with ADHD and was on meds for about 10y, afterwords he was on self-med (weed, alcohol). We went to diff therapy for marriage to talk about things we fight about and one therapyst told me from what he could see that he thinks either bipolar or borderline. I can see more bipolar symptoms in him. Well the thing is that he is blaming me for everything or blaming situations for his actions and telling me that I need help and probaly I'm the one with BP.

I guess I will never find out the thrue, because now I'm back home (oversees) and his family never talked about it (i didn't see them as much, they live on the east side). It's very hard to separte from someone you love, but I just couldn't feel the way I felt and also for the sake of our childern. I asked myself to many times, how can you love someone who is doing and saying and manupulatig all those things to you,? AND you are so RIGHT you love the good MEMORIES.

Now that I read the fact that you wrote about kids possibly could have the BP too. That is HAVY!!

Is that genetic or is it more if they grow up in such envoirement??

Also, my husband was here 3 days ago and wanted us to move back to the States, but I didn't, he said he is filing for divorce and he will fight for the kids.

Now, I'm not familiar with the rules in the States, but how can I get him to prove if he is BP to the courte?? Do you know by any chance?

AGAIN, thank you for supporting all of us that ARE or WILL get out!!!!

-D

I have 5 young children with my BP spouse and am having a heck of I time trying to decide on this topic. I am afraid that I won't get custody of the kids and I need to fight for 'em if I'm going to go through with it. The effect of living like this has taken a large toll on me over the years and I know it will affect the kids too.