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I'll try to keep this short, both me and my friend are currently 22 and we have known each other for almost 4 years. Things started out normaly but pretty soon me and her would be seeing each other everyweek. i would take her out for dinner/movies/drinks/walks downtown/ect. things seemed normal enough and to be honest me and her became really close. After a couple months she now considered me to be her best friend and was more open to sharing personal information. She talked about how she was a borderline alcoholic and that she was diagnosed with psychosis (I know this is for BP, hang in there) Around this time i was still around 19 i think and i really had no idea how important that information was. I never really looked into it because i guess it never seemed like a issue at the time.
Just to give some history, Before we became basically best friends i asked her out, she turned me down. I was upset but in a way relieved. Ever since that day its been something that i think crosses her mind. She sometimes randomly talks about having a relationship and asks me if things would work. My reply is usaully something like a "maybe" or "we'll see what happens". Even today im not sure if thats what she really wants or if its something that her condition makes her think. Her parents also adore me and i know that her mom pressures her by telling her that she should be with me, ive actually witnessed a couple convos =/ Even with all the talk about it we still remain really good friends.
We had only 2 major fights over the years, the first one was last year. Me and her were planning on taking a vacation together to cuba for a week. I picked up the tickets and had everything planned. A week before our time to leave came we were talking and i guess i had a fairly bad attitude. I was going through alot of stress (got laid off, had to pay more bills then expected, ect)and she insisted to keep asking me the same questions. So i might have lashed out a little towards her. What followed was her telling me to never call again and a 3 month silent treatment. During the time i tried a couple times to apologize through email, txt msg, and msn. She asked me not to call so i didnt. During this time im not sure if she had a relapse or episode. she would eventually call me to see how i was doing and we worked things out soon after.
our recent fight was after visiting her friends and their newborn baby. Its another long story but basically im the godfather of this baby even though its her friends. they felt that i would make a good godfather after meeting me only once at a babyshower. The day that we went to visit she seemed to be extremely irritable, We thought we were going to go for dinner but plans changed and we didnt end up going out. I would later find out that having them cancel the dinner plans without notification upset her to no end. She put a smile on her face in order to be polite infront of them though. When we left her mood changed instantly telling me not to be so trusting. I questioned the reasoning and thats when things turned for the worst. her exact words were "why do you have to be such a f*cking idiot" I took that very personally and defended myself, but thinking about it now maybe i should have been more understanding. After that she once again told me basically to get out of her life and she turned her back on me and started to head home. I went my own way and took a mental break, after 5 mins i caught up with her and calmy asked if we could talk things out. she was obviously very flustered and wanted to go home without eating. Like last time she prepared herself to give me a silent treatment. This included things like deleting my email, msn, facebook, ect.
Just over a week passes and i get a call in the morning from her mom on her cellphone. As i said her mom adores me and she wanted to talk. The mom told me that my friend basically broke down after our fight. That she hasnt ate or slept, hasnt gone to work, and was crying consistantly thoughout the week. When her mom told her to call me and work things out she refused to, one of the reasons is that she believe i was no longer her friend and that i wouldnt be able to forgive her. She would eventually end up taking a handfull of sleeping pills to "numb the pain" The mom asked if i would be willing to go to the hospital and talk to her cause she had no idea what else to do. Even though we had the fight i would really do anything for her. I went a total of 3 times during the month of decemeber, after that i didnt return. I didnt really know how to deal with the situation so i thought it would be best if i figure it out before seeing her again. Im not 100% sure but i think she has been released as of feb 1st.
We talked a couple times on the phone and she apolgized for everything. she blamed it on stress and her condition. she said that she didnt mean anything that was said during the fight and really wanted me to still be her friend. I told her on the phone that i would always be her friend but things were gonna change. I thought about what i should do and i came to the conclusion that i should still be there when she wants me to be but going out 1on1 with her to dinners and movies might not be such a great idea. Maybe restrict things to the occasional coffee. She was diagnosed as psychotic but the way she acts seems to be more inline with BP, Im no expert but even the way shes acting now ... very happy and trying to get along with everyone, even people she hasnt spoke to in 6 months.
I was wondering whats the best course of action for me to take. Should I give her space and let her come to me if she needs something, or should i take even more initiative in helping her out? Im willing to do whatever i need to... as long as i know its whats best for her. But at this point im not exactly what i should be doing. On monday im going to be calling a local clinic that specializes in psychosis. Also i was planning on trying to get a private meeting with one of the doctors at the hospital she was staying at. Is there any other advice i could use?
you sound like a good friend for this girl. However, I think you may be in for a long road of confusion. I think you are doing just about the right things. Trying to be supportive but not getting too dragged into the situation and setting ground rules.
Re visiting clinic and drs: You could possibly get some general information about BP if they have the time, but if you are in the US, you are unlkely to get any specific information about your friend unless she has specifically designated that information about her be released to you. There are federal laws limiting access to specific patient information.
For information about the consequences of becoming romantically involved with a bipolar significant other (BPSO) read the posts on this site in the Friends and Loved ones section and Questions and answers section especially. You will find its not a pretty picture, although there are a few brave souls who manage.
