Bipolar Depression

first of all i apologise to all cos this will be long n i am new to this. Husband diagnosed 5 weeks ago as bp, still in hospital. He was sectioned twice b4 we met 10 yrs ago for drugs etc. I have had past relationships where cheated on constantly but met hubby and trusted him 200% until found out he goin on webcams and chat behind my back etc. We worked thru things anyway (he was one of the lovliest blokes u cud meet n he is my soul mate so was horrified that he cud even do it 2 me) He got obsessed with porn 2 when i say obsessed i mean for hours on end when i werent there. Anyway he just been diagnosed with bp which the dr thinks he had for years (past sectioning) but was not diagnosed so now i am thinkin was all this webcam sex stuff part of his illness or is it just him. I really want to support him because the poor man has an illness. Have any of you had similar experiences?

hi apeybaby, im also new here and had post my piece at another board.

i suggest you read all the posted stories here and you will find that youre not alone in your predicament.

i made several researches about bipolar cause my fiance has the illness also and we are in a long distance relationship. he has 2 divorces behind him and i've never been married. we both have "trust" issues that makes it hard for me to really give him my full trust.

according to studies, the manic side of the illness is really uncontainable, your husband's obssession to porn and seemingly cheating could be possibly because of his illness, as they are sexually hyperactive on their "high" episode.

that's really painful to you as a wife as you gave him all your trust.

i have no idea if my fiance is doing that also but i also once saw him logged in in a website for singles, that hurt me but i did not confront him, im pretty sure he will just deny it. all i do for now is to pray for him as i cant do anything for him right now.just like you, i want to support him, despite the pains, everything will boil dowm to our love for them.

be strong and hang in there as long as you can.
God bless you and say your prayers everyday (if you are a believer)

heart and soul,
my husband logged into a singles web site. he said that he just wants to know if he can be attractive to other women. he tells me he loves me,i'm his best friend, his companion but does not have sex desires anymore. and he thought that he could get a sparks off the net. anyway i know he has been depresses for since april after he got sick. recently he had a siezure off his horse and suffers from a neck pain. he has promise again that he will stay off the singles line. but he has said that before. he stays in the house and only goes out if i get him out or out to docter appointments. He saids that he just doesn't have any sexully feelings anymore and he hopes that being a best friends can be enough. he swears that he will remain faithful to me but it's alot to take in and I have alot to think about. Being involved with bp will be uncertainity and takes alot to hope, faith and love. it still hurts though. Suez

hi suez,

its good to hear that your husband is honest enough to admit that he's going into singles website, what is quite confusing to me is that, why he wants to know if he's still attractive to other women?

why no sex desire anymore? is that his meds' side effect? what's his age? are you still happy with him. i mean of his being no sexual desires? im just curious.

i trust my fiance' though, i just want to think now that he's just trying to test his attractiveness also. btw, his last log in was a month and a half ago. i hope he wont log in again.

suez, im having second thought really about keeping my commitment with him. i've read many stories in this site about the "horrors" of being married to a bp. but yours seems to be peaceful(?)

i love him dearly, but i want a marriage that will work thru lifetime.

thanks for your reply.
God bless you as a couple.

heart and soul,
Well tonight wasn't so peaceful. He said that we need to decide to be together or not. And since the head injury it has effect on his feelings. he doesn't know about how he feels. When his dad died last year,he didn't grief much. He will finally be seen by a neurolgy surgeon about his injury and seizures. That maybe why I'm more at peace because I know he had a head trauma. From the head trauma his feelings toward me changed. His whole personality but he was able to cover alot when unmedicated from bp. I miss his mania sometimes.it could be lot of fun but then the drop will hurt. The family learned to live on his highs. Now our grown kids don't really stay in touch with him. Mostly me and my kids think the injury changed him toward me. Otherwise he was faithful. He thinks that it is not breaking the marriage vows to be trolling on the singles net but I told him women see it different. he thinks I'm controling b/c I check the computer to see if he has visit the web sight. i don't check his e-mail. and he doesn't wnt me even close to his phone so i think he probably has been on phone contact. He used to not worry about me on his phone. Anyway don't trust- your finance needs to earn the trust. Bp or not I don't think there are alot of men that can be trusted. I gave all my trust to Rod but he pretty much broke it by lying and sneaking. He knows I get on this support line and even has encouraged me to do so. He keeps saying he wants someone to talk to-but single women-come on. If they continue the guys will meet up with someone. My brother did, 2 friends did. So it's not safe, especially for someone with bp, head injury, seizure etc.. Good Luck you are in my prayers tonite, Suez

hi all, thankyou for your replies but i have pondered enough on this and it may seem like i am a heartless bitch but bp or not personally i think its an excuse or else they wouldnt be hiding things and i have come to the conclusion that i am NOT going to tolerate it in any shape or form! If it happens again i am off for my own sanity. I can cope with losing my house due to reckless spending, i can even cope with the drug taking but i am not going to put up with chat rooms (even tho they say its just talking!) Well if thats tyhe case then why hide it?! Dont get me wrong, ive been no angel, but i made a huge mistake and have learnt from it but some men just take the pee and if thaats what my hubby wants then lets see how the floozys from chat etc put up with his bp and lets see how much he can trust them when hes out knowing what they could be doing on the pc. Sorry if i sound a little bitter but ive wasted enough time on lying cheating men and i will NOT tolerate it. I will be having a good chat to hubby when he is stable to point this out. Good luck to all of you whatever the outcome and im sure you will all need it x

I agree with your thinking that this behavior is just an excuse. BP does not dictate morality - that is part of your character. My husband is BP and he manifests these problems in ways which are destructive but not immoral because that's the kind of man he is.

You are in no way a heartless bitch. The women of the world are not genetically the caregivers of the men but we are raised to feel guilty if we do anything for ourselves if it comes at the expense of taking care of the needs of others.

I am a strong, independent woman and I have been taking care of my husband for years. I am too young to be as worn-out and burned out as I am and I've had enough. I'm not micromanaging his life anymore and I'm taking care of myself. Yes, he has made mistakes without my guidance, some of them critical. But I only have the power to live one life, not two.

We love each other deeply, and when I started taking care of myself, he was actually HAPPIER because he didn't like to see me run-down, frustrated, and angry all the time. He wants me to be happy. And when I stopped micromanaging his life he was HAPPIER because he respected himself more. Granted, he is unhappy because of the aforementioned critical mistakes, but he knows that they are his mistakes, his life, his choices, and that makes a difference when it comes to self-respect.

See how BP is not a character trait?