Bipolar Depression

I feel guilty lately that I have been trying to care less and less what my BP S/O does. I know sometimes he calls to get a reaction out of me like telling me he was drinking or going to a strip club which i really don't care. But the fact that I am focused on the kids and myself. I am relieved I don't have to worry what may trigger him and when he will go all out on his next episode. He refuses medication and is self medicating anyways. Even though he is BP 1 lately it almost seems like he is cycling through out the day but he is mostly manic. But has anyone else had that where the S/O calls to get a reaction? Stopped reacting? I just don't have the energy to devote to him and I feel guilty I wonder if she will be the one for him. Early on in their relationship I was stupid and reconnected (yeah DUMB i know) with him and that was a month ago. I told him I was confused and we had to stop. We have kids and I can't let them be confused. Its just my biggest fear is all the junk we went through and he is with her and everything will be what i wanted. I was willing to work with him but he ran to another. And he is always complaining that he is always broke and they live with her kids at her fathers and I just don't get it. Sorry its just i am going through alot of emotions right now

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Jennlilmagik,

I can identify with you, the guilt is awful. I have been separated for 2 years and I am much happier in myself, but I am wracked with guilt over my ex. I feel like I should go back to him because I know how much he needs help. At the same time, he drinks, treats me badly when manic, runs around on me, takes no responsibility. But when he is in depression, I am the one he calls and then I feel guilty for leaving him. He did the same to me, after I left him, I was willing to try again, but he was with someone else. Now I am with someone else, and I can't stop feeling this terrible guilt. I don't know the answer, but I can sympathise.

I know how you feel. I know that life is moving on and I am not making choices for him and he is causing himself havoc. It just feels like I am watching him stand in front of an oncoming train and I should pull him out of the way. But I can't. He doesn't want to be pulled and as the time has passed and continue to passes I am more and more agrivated by him. He complains but does nothing to fix it. I have 2 children that I take care of and I can't deal with a adult who wants to take no responsibility for his own actions. I know right now he doesn't really know what he is doing but its just frustrating. One of our mutual friends was talking to him and said he has changed so much since they first met and he said it was everyone else that changed. Yeah I know I can't believe that crap either. I just have to keep living my life. He has to live his. I can only improve myself and I try to daily. Its not easy and some of you here had been in long term relationships before it was enough. I was in 10 years and its hard to let go of what I now refere to the Ghost of my husband. But its gone and I know that. Sorry more venting

Hey I just wanted to say that I know how you feel about the guilt. I used to feel guilty about not being able to help my ex. I separated from him and although he still contacts me I realize there is nothing I can do to help him. At this point in my life I don't want to be caught back up in that situation that I am certain he is still living. Like you and many others, when my ex is depressed he reaches out to me. I'll have to be honest I used to wonder whether he could get himself together if I left him and I finally realized that he is not able to. He was depressed a few weeks ago and kept texting and calling me like there was some sort of emergency. I hesitated on looking at his texts or messages because again I don't want to be caught up in that life. I did finally think that it was an emergency and answered. He had so many different mood swings during our conversation that it was obvious to me that he hasn't been getting any treatment. He cried and cried for nearly 45 minutes straight. Said in the beginning of the conversation how much he hated me and at the end of the conversation I was his angel. When everything was said and done I told him that I did all that I could do to help him and that I'm not getting caught back in his trap. I advised him to get some psychological help and perhaps meds and try to focus on building a relationship with our child. I told him that if he is not capable of doing that then there is no reason for him to contact me again until the divorce proceedings start. After that he has called and texted me everyday and stated he made an appointment with his psychiatrist. Haven't heard from since he scheduled the appointment so I'm assuming he didn't go. I'm glad that I've gained the strength to realize even when they make you think they hurt so bad and want help, the truth is their actions continue to speak louder than their words. And those two things, at least in my experience are never in alignment. Oh and please don't think that a miracle occurs and they change when they are not with you. I hadn't talked to my exs in many many months and during the conversation we had he some points where he lied and continued to refuse to take responsibility for his actions. I'm of the firm belief that without meds and therapy they NEVER change. However, someone on here posted that even with meds and therapy some of them still never change. Not sure about this as my ex has never been properly medicated.

Hi givenup and jennlilmagik,

Givenup, my husband has been on medications for 7 years, but has still had a breakdown and manic episodes previous to that. Maybe the meds were not right, but also, he doesn't help much to get the meds right. He will go to the doctor but won't tell him much, particularly when he is manic. When he is depressed it's different, he knows he needs help and will talk. When he is manic, it's like "screw the world, I don't need anyone" type of attitude, so obviously it's hard for the doc to get meds right, if he won't participate. He is not in therapy, seems to have quite an aversion to that. I am hoping he will go into therapy soon to try to get over this depressive state, but I don't know if he will, and if he will keep it up. Likewise, I don't know if he will be able to stay of the alcohol for good. I fear not. However, when he is in a deep depression, I don't know that he can help himself honestly. I have battled this in my mind over and over, whether it's best to use the tough love approach, or whether help and support is really needed. From what I have seen, he seems unable to do much when in that state, and I can't just leave him like that. This of course, has implications for the future, if I am to move on in another relationship, I don't know how to handle this. Sometimes, I think it is all too hard, and I should just go back to him even though it is an unfulfilling relationship for me, but I don't see an end to this guilt and also the strong attachment I have for him, which probably comes from being his caregiver for so long.