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My wife was just diagnosed with BP. That just means a doctor finally said something was wrong. I've known it for a very long time. I am very surprised at the way I feel. All long during this roller coaster ride I've been very calm outwardly. Inside sometimes I have been quite angry, angry almost to the brink. Upon reflection I've acted in all the wrong ways. When you get married you make the vow about for better or for worse. I take that very seriously. I made the vow in front of everyone I cared about and God himself. My word is my bond. So I've stuck with the relationship through the the worst of it. All the crap. But one thing I forgot, is that there are two people in the relationship. Two people have to work together to make it work. Not one putting up with the other person's behavior. I see a lot of people saying things like have patience and all that nice stuff that takes a lot out of you. BUT... you can't forget about yourself. Upon reflection of the past 20 years dealing with this stuff alone, I find that I'm angry. I feel kind of guilty about it but I don't think I should. I feel angry at myself for putting up with it. It takes two people to have a relationship. For better or worse means just that. Sometimes things are worse. But, when things are worse, you have to take action to make things better. That means it's time for the person who is having issues to do something about it when they have a moment of clarity. If they choose not to, then they are the ones not participating in making things better. You have to remember that in order to experience real love, you have to love yourself first. Showing sympathy and understanding when someone is going through an episode is good for the person with the issues, when it's over though, it's time for that person to do something about it. If they choose not to, then you have to decide if that person is really in the relationship you think you're in. You have to maintain your own sanity. That's most important. If you don't take care of yourself, then you got two people with issues. I'm early on in coming to grips with this thing I can finally pin a name on; and there are drugs to help to. Hurray. My suggestion at this point is that if you think somethings wrong, then something probably is and you should seek help, not for the person that might have BP, but for you. Get the tools and understanding to actually do something, instead of just sitting there and helping to create the problem by enabling it. You will thank yourself in the long run.
It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who likes to vent. I've been married to my husband for 13 years and he's been diagnosed for around 4. It is so hard to describe to anyone who has not been in my shoes. So, forgive me for finding comfort in the fact that I'm not the only one that has times when a little venting helps.
I really liked what you said about mainting your own sanity. I call it "survival mode". Right now I can not handle my husbands issues. He says I'm not supportive and I don't understand. He's partly right, because I simply can not understand the things he does. But I do support him. I take care of everything in our lives. All the responsibilities in our lives falls on my shoulders.
So venting is a good thing. It's also nice to vent to someone who understands.
