Bipolar Depression

HELLO, I FEEL FUNNY WRITING THIS. WELL I HAVE BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND FOR 8 YEARS NOW AND WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 4 YEARS. I NEVER NOTICED THAT THERE WAS ANYTHING WRONG WITH HIM (MENTALLY). WE MEET IN ATL AND MOVED TO MY HOME TOWN. AND THAT IS WHERE IT ALL BEGAN. FIRST, HE STARTED ACCUSING ME OF CHEATING WITH CLOSE FRIENDS OF THE FAMILY. THEN IT GREW TO ME CHEATING WITH HIS FRIENDS. I CONSTANTLY HAVE BEEN REASSURING HIM THAT I HAVE NEVER STEPPED OUTSIDE OF OUR MARRIAGE (HE HAS). HOWEVER, HE CALLS ME A LIAR AND SAYS THAT NONE OF THE THINGS HE HAS BEEN SEEING ARE COINCIDENCES. I DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE BEING AROUND OTHER MEN IN HIS PRESENCE DUE TO HIS INSECURITIES. THINGS HAVE GOTTEN PHYSICAL WHEN HE IS IN A MANIC STATE AND I FEEL LIKE THE QUALITY OF LIFE THAT I NOW HAVE AND MY CHILDREN (2 & 7 YEARS OLD) ARE EXPERIENCING IS BEING SHORT CHANGED. I LOVE MY HUSBAND DEARLY BUT I FEEL LIKE ALL OF US WILL BE BETTER OFF IF WE SEPARATE OR MAYBE EVEN DIVORCE. NOW HE SAYS THAT HE WANTS TO LEAVE AND I TELL HIM THE SAME THING TOO, ONLY FOR HIM TO COME BACK IN A DEPRESSED STATE OF MIND BEGGING ME NOT TO FILE FOR DIVORCE. HE TOLD ME THAT HE NEEDS ME TO BEG HIM AND I TOLD HIM THAT THE BEGGING DAYS ARE OVER AND THAT HE KNOWS WHAT HE NEEDS TO DO AND TAKE RESPONSIBILTY FOR HIS ACTIONS. WHERE DOES THIS LEAVE ME? HE IS NOT ON MEDS AND HAS BEEN TO ONLY A FEW DR'S APPTS TELLING ME THAT HE DOES NOT WANT TO GO TO THE DR AND TAKE MEDS WHEN HE COULD BE RIGHT. PLEASE HELP ME?

Sweetheart, my heart goes out to you and I am replying as no one else has as yet but what I have to say may not be what you want to hear... Get up and get out now!!!!! He will not get better and the fact that you have said that it has already become physical tells me that for the sake of yourself and your children you have to divorce him. I say this as someone who is still married to a Bipolar man and although we don't have children, some of the things you describe are identical. The heartache just isn't worth it, I learnt the hard way and stayed with my husband a year longer than I had too, it nearly killed me, don't let the same happen to you. I'm so sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear and I may sound bitter but if I can stop another person being caught up in what I have been through then I have made a difference. Good luck and stay strong!

Hello!

I, too, have been married to a person with bipolar. I, too, have experienced abuse at the hands of my husband when he was manic.

I agree with Bev. Your and your kids safety and welfare are at stake here, and you must not compromise your basic well-being. I am sure that you love your husband very much, but that doesn't change what he has done to you and what he will undoubtedly do to you in the future.

If you stay, you are sentencing yourself to a lifetime of potential abuse and constant caregiving and picking up after the messes of someone who is supposed to be an equal partner in a relationship. Is this what you want for yourself?

And then there are your kids. Try to let the memories of their father be as good as possible. I tried to expose my son to his father when his father was more or less normal and to shield him from his father when he was manic. It is an awful thing for a kid to see his parent in the midst of a raging psychotic episode.

Best of luck to you, as you make your final decision on what to do. My heart goes out to you, as I know this is one of the toughest decisions you will ever have to make,

Kay