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HELLO, I FEEL FUNNY WRITING THIS. WELL I HAVE BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND FOR 8 YEARS NOW AND WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 4 YEARS. I NEVER NOTICED THAT THERE WAS ANYTHING WRONG WITH HIM (MENTALLY). WE MEET IN ATL AND MOVED TO MY HOME TOWN. AND THAT IS WHERE IT ALL BEGAN. FIRST, HE STARTED ACCUSING ME OF CHEATING WITH CLOSE FRIENDS OF THE FAMILY. THEN IT GREW TO ME CHEATING WITH HIS FRIENDS. I CONSTANTLY HAVE BEEN REASSURING HIM THAT I HAVE NEVER STEPPED OUTSIDE OF OUR MARRIAGE (HE HAS). HOWEVER, HE CALLS ME A LIAR AND SAYS THAT NONE OF THE THINGS HE HAS BEEN SEEING ARE COINCIDENCES. I DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE BEING AROUND OTHER MEN IN HIS PRESENCE DUE TO HIS INSECURITIES. THINGS HAVE GOTTEN PHYSICAL WHEN HE IS IN A MANIC STATE AND I FEEL LIKE THE QUALITY OF LIFE THAT I NOW HAVE AND MY CHILDREN (2 & 7 YEARS OLD) ARE EXPERIENCING IS BEING SHORT CHANGED. I LOVE MY HUSBAND DEARLY BUT I FEEL LIKE ALL OF US WILL BE BETTER OFF IF WE SEPARATE OR MAYBE EVEN DIVORCE. NOW HE SAYS THAT HE WANTS TO LEAVE AND I TELL HIM THE SAME THING TOO, ONLY FOR HIM TO COME BACK IN A DEPRESSED STATE OF MIND BEGGING ME NOT TO FILE FOR DIVORCE. HE TOLD ME THAT HE NEEDS ME TO BEG HIM AND I TOLD HIM THAT THE BEGGING DAYS ARE OVER AND THAT HE KNOWS WHAT HE NEEDS TO DO AND TAKE RESPONSIBILTY FOR HIS ACTIONS. WHERE DOES THIS LEAVE ME? HE IS NOT ON MEDS AND HAS BEEN TO ONLY A FEW DR'S APPTS TELLING ME THAT HE DOES NOT WANT TO GO TO THE DR AND TAKE MEDS WHEN HE COULD BE RIGHT. PLEASE HELP ME?
Almost given up
Posts: 1 | Location: Dirty South | Registered: 10-19-2007
Sweetheart, my heart goes out to you and I am replying as no one else has as yet but what I have to say may not be what you want to hear... Get up and get out now!!!!! He will not get better and the fact that you have said that it has already become physical tells me that for the sake of yourself and your children you have to divorce him. I say this as someone who is still married to a Bipolar man and although we don't have children, some of the things you describe are identical. The heartache just isn't worth it, I learnt the hard way and stayed with my husband a year longer than I had too, it nearly killed me, don't let the same happen to you. I'm so sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear and I may sound bitter but if I can stop another person being caught up in what I have been through then I have made a difference. Good luck and stay strong!
I, too, have been married to a person with bipolar. I, too, have experienced abuse at the hands of my husband when he was manic.
I agree with Bev. Your and your kids safety and welfare are at stake here, and you must not compromise your basic well-being. I am sure that you love your husband very much, but that doesn't change what he has done to you and what he will undoubtedly do to you in the future.
If you stay, you are sentencing yourself to a lifetime of potential abuse and constant caregiving and picking up after the messes of someone who is supposed to be an equal partner in a relationship. Is this what you want for yourself?
And then there are your kids. Try to let the memories of their father be as good as possible. I tried to expose my son to his father when his father was more or less normal and to shield him from his father when he was manic. It is an awful thing for a kid to see his parent in the midst of a raging psychotic episode.
Best of luck to you, as you make your final decision on what to do. My heart goes out to you, as I know this is one of the toughest decisions you will ever have to make,
My name is Myia and I am 19 years old. I've been in a relationship for the last 2 years, with my daughter's father. Our relationship was wonderful. He was my dream come true and even though I was only 18 i just knew he was the one i'd spend my life with. On december 26th 2007, i found out i was pregnant with my now 3 month old daughter. Then i suddenly realized that he had become strange. He out the blue began accusing me of cheating on him. Saying I cheated with his friends and family. I hurt really bad. Then it came to the point where he started beating me(while i was pregnant). I was devastated but i stayed with him. now we are still together but sometimes he say he is leaving me then he comes back and says he never says that. what should I do I love him to death and we have a little girl together? help me!
my boyfriend is also bipolar sometimes he makes me want to shoot him and then shoot myself! it doesnt help when your a sensitive person either! as you can tell im very frustrated as i fell in love with this man and thought he was normal but after moving with him noticed that he was not normal until his father confessed to me that he is bipolar. God is a funny person i dealt with my mother that was bipolar now my almost husbnd is bipolar! yes he is very insecure and accuses me of cheating all the time even though im always with him. Im in love with the Sick f*ck i cant let him go but i need a way to convince him to take his medication. he breaks up with me every 8 hours!!!!! its driving me bonkers!!! He tellls me hurtful things and then he forgets what he tells me. I cry almost every day.also he uses drugs sometimes that when his demons get released!!! omg i think i must be crazy for sticking around this crazy man!
I just had to come here. I never knew anything was wrong, she always seemd so full of life and a little ditzy at times. I noticed her having severe panic attacks on a regular basis. She would be sleeping then all of a sudden she would sit up real fast, panting and saying "I cant breathe, call 911" At one time she sat up in the middle of the night, ran into the bathroom, turned on all the faucets and shower/tub then came back to bed, layed down and went to sleep with all the water still running in the bathroom. She physically and mentally abused me during our marriage. I have been called every nasty, hateful name during our marriage. She seems that she is never happy or she would be happy with something one minute and hate it the next. We cant even order food in a restaurant or drive thru without her making numerous changes or "Special" requests and when they do it her way, she ends up not liking it. She planted a garden one weekend and loved it, two weeks later, she hated it, dug up flowers and plants and returned them. She will argue with me about something then 5 minutes later act like nothing ever happened. She is obsessive/compulsive and cleans constantly around the house. She would be vacuuming the house a 2am then get mad at the kids and me if we were not up helping her clean. Heres a classic..... She would start an argument with me, get angry and yell, when I start to get angry she would look at me ever so calmly, smile and say "Why are you so angry hun"?? I caught her cheating several weeks ago. She went to visit a man that she met on-line at his motel room. Heres the clincher, she took our 2 year old daughter with her and brought her into this mans motel room. She had only known this man for less than 3 weeks and exposed our daughter to this kind of danger. She said that there was nothing wrong with what she did because our daughter didnt get hurt. In talking with her family this weekend, I found out that she has been abandoning all of her children many times for months at a time with not even a phone call. She left them with anyone who would take them. Grandparents, aunts, uncles. Her kids have spent more time with their grandparents, aunts and uncles more than with their mother. I cant cope anymore with her and must move on taking our daughter and trying to make arraingements for the care of her 2 daughters.
Where to begin. I am not married to a bipolar man, but have been through everything with one in the past two years. I know you don't want to leave, but today I am. Well, he is. I didn't ever want to lose him, but you need to remember yourself. I have lost me in the last two years.
omg! I could have written your post, our stories are exactly the same. My partner also thinks I'm sleeping with any male that comes in to contact with us, friends etc. I, too also feel paranoid around males in his company. My partner has just stopped takiong his meds (again) and I don't think I can go through this again, I love him but for my sake and the sake of children , he's going to have to go. The medication is needed and I can't force a grown man to take them.
This is the first time I have ever written anything on any website. I found out about 2 months ago I was pregnant by my boyfriend of 4 years who has been diagnosed as suffering from bipolar. While he has never been an affectionate or "loving" partner, he was a good friend. I have known him for over 20 years and have been through everything with him. I am sad today to say that even while pregnant, I believe I must finally walk away from this relationship. I have tried everything...going with him to the doctor (he is med compliant), encouraging therapy, and nothing has worked. He still hates his life, hates me and is miserable all the time. Yesterday we fought over going on a vacation we cannot afford with a baby on the way. He speaks to me in the most hateful voice I have ever heard. He calls me names and repeatedly insults me. Blame it on hormones, but I allowed myself to get so upset I had trouble breathing (pregnancy thing) and all he could do was say he had every right. We fight almost daily now. I have two other kids and last night I took them to a hotel to escape his world of madness. For the first time in a really long time, it was peaceful. I turned off my phone and just walked out. As I left, he simply waived as if after 4 years and a baby on the way, I meant nothing. I hate to sterotype and mean no insult to anyone, but I often wonder if a person with bipolar is capable of really loving someone and being attached to them.
I am new to this site Sorry if this is long and a little rambling- I just found out three days ago that my husband of 7 years and the father of my children has been going to hookers for two years and then yesterday he was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. He actually was diagnosed with a mood disorder/hypomania almost 5 years ago. He was prescribed lithium but it made him feel horrible. This was a time that we were going through a terrible tragedy in our life so he thought his moodiness was the result of that and not a disorder so he stopped taking the lithium. The doctor then prescribed Lamactical which he took for a couple of years and seemed OK. After our first child was born almost three years ago he stopped taking the lamactical because a doctor that he was seeing told him that he didn't think he had a mood disorder. He then started taking lexapro (for anxiety) about two years ago. About 18 months ago the strange behavior started which everyone I am sure knows exactly what I am talking about-the biting anger that comes out of nowhere, the hateful words, the spending money out of control (he ran up around $30,000 in credit card debt in one year on nothing), the staying in bed all weekend, the ups and downs, the staying up all night, the extreme self-confidence one minute, dark depression the next, etc. He was also now drinking almost every day so I was thinking that his weird behavior had to do with that. But then after many arguments over drinking and after me threatening to leave about 8 months ago (right after the birth of our second child) he tried to give up drinking. During the past 8 months he would not drink for about 5 ot 6 weeks and then would have a bad drunken episode or two or three and then would not drink for the next 5 weeks. The drunken episodes would involve him getting in fistfights at bars, he got arrested for public drunkeness, got arrested for a DWI, got in fights with strangers (both verbal and fist fights), etc. Every time we get into the slightest argument he would say how he wants to get divorced, he hates me, I am obese (I am two pounds over the healthy weight range for my height at the moment but I just had a baby 8 months ago and am still losing the baby weight- hardly obese). Last week he got really mad and blamed me because he accidentally threw something out that was important. He started saying mean things, we should get divorced, etc. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was like fine- and I took the two children and left to go to a hotel. I was like "why do you hate me so much? What have I done to you?" He calls me the next morning extremely apologetic and crying and says he has been with hookers for the last two years, that he thinks he actually is bipolar, that he can't live this way anymore, he is living in pure hell, that he hates himself, etc. will do anything to get us back- he just wants a normal family life with us. Then the next day he went back to his psychiatrist and told him the truth about everything and the doctor was like "there is no doubt you are bipolar" and put him on Topomax. He begged me not to leave him now as it was the loweest point of his life and he needs me. I told him that I would stay with him for as long as he proved to me that he was getting help but that if I did stay it would be on my terms- and he wouldn't like that because I was going to be the enforcer and make him stick to his treatment. He was like "fine- I understand". That was yesterday. So he started the Topomax and today stayed home from work because he was a little overwhelmed, which i understand. But then he ended up playing golf with his dad which I think is nice, but he didn't call one doctor like he said he would (he is supposed to be getting a specialist in this area since his current psychiatrist is not really a specialist in this area and also doesnt' do talk therapy). I got mad at him when I got home and said that he had to make this his number one prioirty, not playing golf. He got all mad and walked out of the room and went to sleep. Now I feel guilty like I was too hard on him and should cut him a break. How do people know when to be tough on the BP and when to be supportive? I feel like given everything he has put me through in the last two years (including going to 20 differnet hookers) he is in no position to get mad at me for making him go to a doctor. Is that how it is going to be? We have a two year old and 8 month old. I am a professional so I earn enough on my own that I don't need him financially. But he is a great father overall and I at least thought he was a good person. On the other hand he is becomoing someone else. What do I face in the future? Where do I begin? Am I stupid to have not already tossed him out? (I do have an appt with a divorce lawyer in two weeks but I can always cancel). I feel like I took marriage vows to help him in sickness and in health and I do understand this is a sickness but am I in for a life of major problems and will my two sons be screwed up if they grow up with him as their dad? How can I figure this all out? Also I am not that upset about the hookers because I understand also that it was the disease but at the same time it happened for two years- he obviously had plenty of healthy moments in those two years that he could have realized something was wrong and spoken to his doctor insead of going there once a month and getting his lexapro prescriiptino without telling him what is going on in his life- so I feel like he was using this as his excuse so he could enjoy these escapades.
I just had to reply to you b/c I too am new to this site (and just tried to register as "LB" to find out it was taken!), and there are some jarring similarities in our stories. The day you posted, I had my first court date to try & enforce the temporary restraining order against my huband of 7 years (whom I've been with for 13). Over the years, my husb has also had scary, angry, irrational outbursts - the anger has been almost solely aimed at me - constant drinking, drifting from job to job, contributing less & less financially, etc. The major episodes have been far enough apart (spaced by years in most cases) that their memories would kind of fade, I'd use his difficult childhood as justification to myself. I never had any idea he had a mental illness, never had any idea about his family history of mental illness. Our son was born on 4/5/06 and while never much of a provider, always seemed to be a great dad and was very involved in our son's care. Then a few months ago, his behavior began to change. He began to inflate his role (how could I ever get by w/o him?), began to get more & more demanding (in addition to being the main provider, as I too am a professional, main caretaker for our son whenever I was not at work, helping him run his small business, as he was never good with paperwork, organization, computers, etc. - he now demanded that I clean more, cook more, be at his beck & call for sex). He started being very suspicious - accused me of doing drugs & having affairs. I confronted him about his behavior - suggested counseling and alluded to the fact that we just might not work as a couple (again, having no real idea about a mental disorder). The mere possibility of me leaving him sent him into a major manic tailspin...he spent an entire week verbally, mentally & eventually physically abusing me. He blamed his mental state on me completely, accused me of everything under the sun (in addition to what I already mentioned, being an alcoholic, having a plan for years to ruin his life, of stockpiling his non-existent fortune (since I was responsible for the finances) to fund it, of having no "family values", of being a gypsy that has cursed him). He took my son for "father/son time", during which he left him alone in hotel room & left him alone in the car at a rest stop on the highway. He trashed my work laptop, my personal computer, and then while I was trying to call 911, wrestled me to the ground to get the phone out of my hands & broke that too - all in front of my son. While I was at the police station filing the domestic violence report, the police found him in a parking lot, where he was rambling about killing himself, and had him taken to the hospital. It was as I was being handed pamphlets about battered women and hotlines and shelters, that I realized I could not believe that this had become my life. I'm college educated, a professional, from a respectable family...and here I am being counselled about being abused...how did I ever let this happen? He was held for a 6 day psych evaluation, and would not release any of the info to me. I've since found out through friends/family that the meds he was prescribed related to BP, but it doesn't appear he's being compliant with treatment. I've read up on BP & the symptoms read like a textbook...now I can see something has brewing for quite some time (hindsight is 20/20 I guess!). I'm in the process of trying to make the restraining order permanent, mainly b/c I'm terrified he'll continue to try & use our son as pawn to retaliate for "what I've done to him", and have already filed for divorce. The pain and guilt I feel in doing this are overwhelming. I know his behavior is not all his fault or a concious decision, but that does not change the actions. And I know that putting my sweet, defenseless baby and myself first is the right thing to do...regardless, it still hurts like hell. I'm gearing up for an ugly fight, the accusations and delusions continue, but know I must see it through. Please read the post in the below link. It's truly scary how accurate it is....I basically got to point #7 and consider myself & my son lucky for the wake up call sooner rather than later. This site has been really helpful in dealing with my feelings of guilt & reaffirming that I'm doing the right thing. The point that resounds most strongly is that your children have to come first, that is your responsibility as a mother, and their only sane parent. Good luck & stay strong!
