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This year I finally met a really what I thought was a wonderful guy and we really hit it off. It was a very loving relationship at times, with the only "odd" thing being that my "friend" would come on strong and then "disappear" for days, sometimes weeks at a time. I knew he'd been divorced and he said he was scared to get so close to someone again, so I was patient.
There were, however, some odd signs along the way (he told me that he was "crazy" and that “I have no idea” and that it was “dangerous to feel comfortable with him,” but would not explain. He also said I "deserved someone better," etc., but I just chalked it up to his low self-esteem). He also would get very intense (telling me how much he liked me, texting me for hours at all hours of the night, getting very sexually explicit in some texts/conversations, etc.). He told me he was married for 17 years and that his wife “kicked him out.” He has college-aged kids.
He just told me that he was serious in telling me those things - that he is severely bipolar and will NOT take meds. He says he gets violent when in these cycles of his illness. He says he “has a paper signed by doctors” proving that he is “certifiable.” (What does THAT mean? He’s been hospitalized?) He also said he “thinks about hurting people” and “cannot promise that he wouldn’t” hurt me! Yikes! I don’t know how he keeps his job, if he is like that.
I have been so sad. I really feel a strong bond with him and have intense feelings for him, and would love to be there for him, etc. but I also know that what he is telling me is very serious and that I cannot put myself in harm's way. I grew up with an abusive father, so I know all about how bad things can be, and I know that I don't deserve that any longer. But I haven't SEEN that side of my dear friend, because he hasn't had any "Bad" days when I've been around. I also know that unless HE wants to accept treatment, nothing I do can help.
I guess I just need a hug because I really love this guy and the best thing I can do for him is be a friend but not allow myself to get hurt. I also think that if he gets violent and thinks of hurting people, he has a responsibility to take meds!! Am I correct? He says he is required to go to a therapist twice a week but will Not take meds. He said, “It’s the world’s problem,” not his.
Sorry for rambling. Any advice and/or hugs would be appreciated.
Welcome to the forum. I will definitely be sending hugs your way. Being in a relationship, whether friendship or more, is very difficult when the person refuses medication. Trust me...I know. I've had someone in my life for 3 years now, who will not get treatment of any kind. It is emotionally draining and a constant stress.
I go though good times and bad, generally a reflection of his moods. He hasn't wanted much to do with me for the past month, and as time goes on, it does get easier...well, until my "friend" returns and wants me in his life again. It seems like a losing battle, and one I hope to leave behind someday. But it is never easy, so I completely feel for you. Please know I'm here if you ever need to vent :O)
