Make a connection, ask a question, share a concern, give advice or just chat. Our message boards connect you with a community of people who understand where you’re coming from and what you’re going through.
Originally posted by Mystified: And while I may have been naive to fall for everything he dished out in the beginning, I wasn't so naive that I didn't pick up on the lies and I wasn't so meak as to be afraid to call him on it. And that's something I feel good about. If that's the kind of woman he seeks...a pushover who will allow him to behave that way and not dare question him about it, then I was definitely not the woman for him...and vice-versa.
This was part of a reply I had posted yesterday in response to somebody else, and as I re-read it this morning, it occurred to me that might come across as insulting to others who are or have been the S/O of somebody with BP. If so, please know this wasn’t my intention at all and I apologize if offended anybody. The last thing I was trying to suggest was that anybody who puts up with some of these bad behaviors is naïve or a pushover; on the contrary. I have read so many of your posts and that is the last thing I see. What I see is strength, courage, determination and fortitude. Obviously, the fact that anybody has come to these boards in the first place tells me that. Everybody here is seeking answers and trying to understand/help loved ones or themselves; trying to find solutions to problems and trying to make the best possible decisions given whatever the circumstances might be. There is hardly anything naïve or “pushover” about that. Again, if that’s how my comment came across, it was certainly not intended. The person I was replying to seemed to be second-guessing herself for having questioned her ex about his lies and behavior, and felt that she caused him to disappear as a result of that. I was trying to point out that rather than beat herself up about it, she should feel proud of herself for standing up for what was important to her…namely, honesty and honoring one’s word.
The only thing that I had invested in my “relationship” was emotion (and countless hours of phone and IM time). I guess I was fortunate that this guy’s true colors came blaring through in a very short time. If that endearing charm and engaging personality had continued for longer than it had before I got to witness “the dark side”, I’m sure I would not be sitting here writing it off as a “learning experience”. When you’ve invested many years into a relationship (not to mention money spent to bail them out of trouble, or sharing a home and raising a family) there is a great deal more at stake than just badly hurt feelings and a temporary state of shock from having the rug so unexpectedly yanked out from under you, as was the case for me. I think everybody here has enormous strength to be able to stand on two feet after living through some of these nightmares, never mind being able to offer great support and encouragement to others. If it were me, I’m afraid I’d be in a loony bin somewhere.
You must be one hell of a good woman to be so empathetic as to be concerned with hurting others' feelings by the wording of your post. My hat is off to you. Whomever this idiot of a guy was who let you go, he probably made the biggest mistake of his life. People as intelligent, thoughtful and caring as you are few and far between.
And, thank you for putting it out there in an attempt to help me. As you can tell, I am still badly hurting and there is no end in sight to my misery. I feel OK for a few days, then I spend a week in bed, crying and getting nothing done. I have no one else to vent to except the wonderful, supportive, experienced people on this board - so I thank all of you and hope that someday, I may be able to provide similar aid to someone in distress.
Posts: 150 | Location: u.s. | Registered: 11-17-2007
i dont feel an applogogy is needed.speaking for myself,i was a "pushover" and most definatelty naive.not ashammed to admit it.now i push back,but i end up calling 911,but hey whatever works.my regret is not pushing back sooner.now i'm more cold and numb.but i guess all that we(non- BP) go through,thats to be expected.i think alot of us forget that there is another person hurting too,the bp.to this day i still find myself emphasizing on my hurt and what i've been through,and forget about what my wife is experiencing.yet alot of her pain is self inflicted by her own actions.ofcourse her actions were controled by her illness,so its all not her fault there.bit of a paradox!honetly at this point i think i have more pain because i cant help relieve her pain. anyway i just wanted you to know that you called it right for me with the pushover and naive,thers probably more just like me.
