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I don't know where to begin. My husband was diagnosed as bipolar II less than a year ago. I have thought for years that he was and finally convinced him to get diagnosed. He has accepted the diagnosis he won't "get help" for it. I am 7 months pregnant and we have 2 children. I feel selfish for planning to have another child w/my husband b/c I am at the point where I just can't take the cruelty and abuse anymore. His episodes always seem to ruin holidays without failure and I just don't know if I should "blame" his behavior on the BP or what. He blew up at me on Xmas morning right before company arrived b/c I put his shoes away in the closet. His sleep has been excessive and/or up all night/restless. On Xmas he also blew up at me in front of family and told me to "shut the f---- up". Also made comments to everyone that I basically don't do anything good enough. The next day he snapped at our 2 year old for climbing on his back so I of course got upset and told him to be nice and he told me he was going to spit in my face. The fight continued and he brought up some stupid thing that would make sense to no one but himself. Told me everyone except for my family members thinks that I am a bitch, I said who is everyone and all he would say is "everyone". He then implied he was going to hurt me as soon as the kids were in bedso I left for 2 nights. Kids were begging to go home so we did, everything was ok for 24 hours he acted somewhat happy, fell asleep at 5:30 pm and my older daughter tried to wake him up at almost 8pm to see if he would play a board game w/us and he snapped and started flipping out, very angry. I checked the history on the computer today and it looks like he is looking at flatscreen tv's and trying to pull credit, which we can't afford. I feel like I am just rambling on, but I feel stuck and don't know what to do. I do not want to subject me or my children to this anymore but have no job, place to live, and have a baby due in 2 months. I am sick of the Jeckyl and Hyde. He can be such a loving man and I always get ready to leave him but then he is back to the nice guy who interacts w/his kids, etc and I feel guilty for giving up on him when he has an illness. I guess the question is how do I know what to blame on bipolar and how far do I take "for better or worse" Thanks for listening
Your post caught my eye because of the pregnant aspect, but it is different for me.
I am currently pregnant. I am not medicated and I am rapid cycling.
I can relate to your husband and I can tell you how I feel after I go through an episodic period like his, but I think the biggest difference between him and me is that I have a greater degree of self-awareness.
Yes, sometimes I do abuse the people I love, but mostly I am just paranoid and accusatory. BUT, I am able to recognize this and after I have a fit I am able to verbalize to people that I am in an agitated state and so on and so forth.
What your husband is doing is not voluntary or chosen. I promise you that he does not like this and that he is suffering.
BUT BUT BUT it is WRONG of him not to do what he needs to do to manage his illness. There are ways to control these episodes and he is not doing what is right.
I do everything I can to protect my loved ones from the demons within me. Right now I can't, so I have to micro-manage my own life. I can't work and people need to tip toe around me. On meds it does not have to be this way.
IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THAT WAY. Your husband needs help. His behavior toward you is unacceptable and NO ONE in your family deserves this suffering.
