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Hi. I've been on and off this site many times over the past few months, but I think this is only the second time I've posted.
Several weeks ago, my roommate (who has BD) asked me for something. Since I didn't have what she asked for, I told her to give me a bit of time until I could get what she needed. This ticked her off and she started saying nasty things. I got so mad at her, I reminded her about what she owed me and left the room. She followed me, shouting at the top of her voice. She started throwing things at me. She broke many things that day. I tried to stop her from destroying more things by holding down her hands. She grabbed my hair and pushed me down. She beat me up. I sustained a bruise on my thigh that's not cleared up yet till now. I also have a new scar close to my right eye.
She's never said sorry ever in the many times she has hurt me physically. But she's stayed and gotten back to her "normal" and bearable mood since then. All has been well for a few weeks now until tonight.
It had something to do with what I said. I simply reassured her that I was going to help her out as best as I could while she was still trying to find her footing. She accused me that I wasn't really out caring for her. She reminded me that I had said something that last time we fought (reminding her about what she owed) that made her realise that I don't really care. I reminded her that she provoked me. She said she wasn't sorry about all that she did to me in word or deed. That drained all the life out of me.
I don't know if it's worth keeping this friendship at all. But when I think about how all so-called friends have abandoned her, I hesitate. I know how it is to be abandoned. And I don't know if so doing helps her at all. My advantage is that I read up on BD when I can, so I'm pretty well informed. So I know that there are some things she does that are just so typical of someone in her condition.
I'm trying to find breathing space now. I actually know that she's sorry about what she did to me. But for her to say tonight that she isn't, it hurts.
I truly, truly am trying to hold on. I know that there is so much more that she can do with her life and that's the hope I hold on to.
