Bipolar Depression

My wife has been diagnosed as bipolar when she was about 13-14. She has been taking her medication for a long time and is still on them. She is going through a recent med change and it has not been completed yet.

For the first couple years of a our relationship and first year of our marriage, her bipolar was managed pretty well, but some unfortunate problems with a couple co-workers has caused her to have two med changes and she now has insomnia and occasional depression and more constant mania.

She has always been more of a night owl than me, but now she can't go to sleep until 2:00 to 4:00 am and I wake up at 5:30.

I miss falling asleep with her, holding hands and you can imagine what else. Her not being able to sleep gives me insomnia sometimes, I can't sleep and when that happens, I get cranky and say stupid things.

Because I was having such a difficult time falling asleep (nothing like she has had) I started taking Ambien, this helps me sleep. I don't know why her not sleeping next to me bothers me so much.

I was divorced for like 7 years and lived by myself and I slept by myself most of the time. I got used to it.

Being a man, I really want to fix things, but I have found out by talking with others that there isn't much I can do. Is this something, that I will have to get used to?

I don't seem to say the right thing at times. I ask her what I can do and she can't tell me or won't. I feel so helpless. My most recent strategy to deal with her manic episodes is to try and ignore them and just go to sleep when I need to and sleep without her, but I hate that.

She has started a new job, that she thought would be less stressful and at first look it seems that way, but I am afraid that this job will do the opposite after while and it will exasperate things.

She has felt guilty that we have money problems because she hasn't worked very much in the last year (can't seem to keep a job), so that doesn't help either.

Does anyone have any advice for this type of situation? Thanks

I don't have any advice unfortunately, because I am new here. I did want to say however that I will keep you in my prayers friend. I've recently fallen in love with a woman who is bipolar and it's the most trying thing I've done. I have so much respect for you trying to make this work.

God Bless.

Talk to her doctor. Her lack of sleep will eventually cause physical problems. Just make sure that any new meds do not send her into a depressive state.

My wife went through the same sleep cycle issue. Her energy levels where way up, but she peaks into manic episodes. She is sleeping better now (Seroquel) but is also slipping into a depressed cycle.

Work together. Watch the effects carefully. Make a behavior chart to share with her doctor. Speak with the doctor daily if needed. Keep heart.

I know it can be a very trying time. Patience is definetly a key. I know its hard, my wife goes into her cycles aswell. You definetly have to be involved with her and her doctors not overbearing but understand her sessions and what the doctors are doing. You have to pay more attention to her meds than she does because you are going to see the effects more than her. my wife and I will sometimes sit down and I will discuss with her what I have seen and feel how she is reacting to them. Nothing negative just a discussion. and she will relay it to the doctor and they can go from there on maybe adjustments or what not. It is also good to attend some sessions and explain what you see and feel. nothing negative though. I know it is hard and sometimes there will be times were you will say not the right thing. As long as she is willing to be open with you it will make easier if not it will be very diffucult. I know sometimes your head will just spin and wonder how and why. Research is also the key understand her meds and how she reacts to them because my wife started to take abilify and her doc said to take it in the morning it will give her a boost of energy and it did the opposite made her sleepy. I looked online and saw some reviews about from other people and they started to take it at night and it worked better. So we talked about it and she agreed to try it and it works she sleeps better at night and has more energy during the day. So I hope this helps alittle.

"I miss falling asleep with her, holding hands and you can imagine what else."

"I really want to fix things, but I have found out by talking with others that there isn't much I can do."

"I don't seem to say the right thing at times. I ask her what I can do and she can't tell me or won't."


All of these just tore me up inside, because I know exactly how you feel. I know it must be hard to feel so isolated from her.

When you talk to her, are you feeling nervous about her reaction so much that what you planned to say comes out differently than you wanted? The reason I ask is that I wonder if it would help you talk to her with an intermediary--a psychiatrist or counselor. Have you guys gone through marriage counseling when she is well enough to think clearly?

These are just tossed out ideas. Just know there are others of us who are right there with you in being frustrated and feeling like we too are doing the wrong thing. Hope you're taking care of yourself, as well.