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My boyfriend of 6 years and the father of my 4 year old son has just been diagnosed with bipolar. I knew something was wrong in the beginning when this wonderful man starting lying and cheating. At first I thought he had to be "evil" for the things he was doing because I knew how much he loved me- he was obsessed. We have always fought and I usually was the one yelling trying to figure out what the hex was going on- why couldn't he keep a job, why did he lie about everything. I even tried to break up with him several times, but I loved and love this man. I never could stay away long. For a year now we have been living apart- several states apart and I have to admitt, I miss him desprately - but not having to fight everyday or witness his lies was nice. During a recent visit - he had a break down- very bad. I had to have him admitt himself into an emergency ward - after much crying and yelling. However, they released him undiagnosed and with no other help. He had to go back to work so I had his family come pick him up and promise to get him help. After another episode - while staying with family he was committed for a week and finally diagnosed. Now that he is out he is angry, very angry and now that I am willing to give up my job, family and friends to be with him, he's not sure he loves me anymore- Someone please help me. I love this man and want to make him see that we are in love and that I want to help him.
Please read all of my other posts in the general discussion bit under what now? Also read the other big post under this section.. You will see that by being apart from your man you have done the best thing. This problem will not go away, so plaese don't throw your whole life away to get him back. I would stay where you are and get him to come to you. However, just because he is diagnosed doesn;'t mean that it will all be plain sailing from here on in, it will get worse. They always say they love of one moment and then they don't the next, it's hard on both of you. Please don't enable him by allowing him to manipulate you and blame you for things. Please keep yourself safe, you sound strong so stay that way if you are able to. All the best.
Thank you for the advise. I have decided to stay where I am and pray that he gets all the help he needs and focus my attention to our son. Again Thank you!
You are very welcome. I know what this illness does to everyone but you have to saty away if you can. The other ladies have been with threir BP men much longer than we have and their lives do not seem to have got better. I'm sure if they had the luxury of hindsight they might have done something different. We are lucky, we have got our warning a lot earlier on, take this as a sign and get yourself sorted. Only you can look after number ONE - that's you. The rest will follow nd you never know your man might get help and you may get him back. Good luck!
Just saw a posting of your's on another part of this website. Another 5K for your house? Thats great. You are truly admirable. You've stayed so strong throughout this whole thing. I am going to think of you each & every time I waiver. I'd vote for you some day if I were in the UK!!! How do you do it? How do you handle the loneliness? My daugher is 13 and has her own terrific life. I let her go live it. But that leaves me alone w/ thoughts. feelings, anger, resentment, hatred. What gets you through that???
I know you have other outside interests (good for you!!), but what else?? What do you do to keep your mind from getting in the way?
That is one of the lovliest things anyone has said to me in a very long time and I feel truly humbled - thank you!
What keeps me going is the friendships that I have built up on sites like this. It allows me to vent my emotions in a safe way. The one thing that I have found that helps me is talking about what has happened. We all have a tendancy to be embarrassed about our individual situations as we are dealing with mental health, however the one thing that I have learnt in all of this is that everyone has a story or expereince and if we were more open then maybe mental health services in both the UK and US would improve. There is such a stigma attached to all of this that we all bottle up our feelings and this isn't good for our mental health either. I'm so happy to hear that I am able to keep you strong but please don't forget that you guys have also given me the strength to carry on. When I get lonely and upset, I rely on my faith in a higher being. My grandma said that God only sends these issues to the ones who can truly cope, it's here to make us better people apparently, although when I'm in the thick of it I doubt this very much. I also remind myself of the really bad times, and am thankful of the few small mercies I have in my life. You have a daughter so you are blessed too. I can do what I like, when I like and as selfish as it seems I can finally focus on my needs.
The other thing I have been doing is writing my thoughts down, whenever I feel like it and I re-read these whenever I'm struggling with myself. I have also opened up to my family a bit more. The last thing that keeps me strong is the knowledge that if I don't stay like this then there is no way I can help my husband in the future when he will no doubt really need my help and assistance. Outside interests are good and if you can join a group like a bookclub or something it will make you feel normal for a while and it can only get better from there.
Finally, you will always have your friends here for help and support and that includes me. I may not have met you and may never will but all of your stories are in my heart and when I say a little prayer, I do it for all of us. I am not always strong. I sob and hurt too but at least we have our health unlike our loved-ones whose illnesses we will always hate. It's OK to be weak, I give in too sometimes.
For years even before my husband was diagnosed, I found that my thoughts turned to anger, resentment, frustration, etc. the moment it was quiet & I had nothing to focus on. So I made sure to always put on the car radio while commuting, play a DVD or a book on tape while cooking dinner, and I also started taking a book to bed every night in order to fall asleep peacefully instead of staying awake with those thoughts.
I couldn't bring myself to write about my experiences, but I have found that I can draw them. I draw specific scenes from my life or specific imaginary ones. They help me because through my drawings I can acknowledge to myself what I am going through, and this makes me feel peaceful like I haven't felt since before my relationship began.
Lastly, when he's not home, I play a little blues riff on my piano and I sing about my troubles. I don't worry about rhyme or meter or running out of things to say or who's going to hear me. I just sing the blues.
These are solitary activities because I don't want anyone else in my life. I rarely talk to my family and I rarely talk to my friends. I'd rather be alone most of the time. That's why it has taken me so long even to decide to search for a site like this. I say all of this because I think Bev's suggestions are helpful and healing, but only if you're people-oriented. If you're not, maybe you can benefit from the ideas that I shared.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: anon_vision,
Anon, It's funny that you mention that you prefer to be alone. So do I right now and, believe it or not, I AM a people person. I've worked for the same company for 8 years and this is the first time I've told any of my friends there that my husband is Bipolar. It was really difficult. It was also embarassing to admit to them what I've been through for all of these years. They were so shocked! They know me as a strong, independent woman who only talked about the good guy I was married to. I have 4 really close friends at work and they have been so supportive and so loving. I'm so grateful for them. At the same time, it's almost as exhausting to talk about this as it is to live it. So I don't talk much. But, they are so keen to what I am going through that they know when my days are dark. They'll hug me or let me know they are thinking about me and it helps. It has been easier for me to talk to all of you because you know exactly what I am talking about. No one else could imagine, could they, what this is like without living through it? Are you and your husband still together? There are people on this forum that are inspirations to me - Bev, Karen, Tara, to name a few. I've gotten on this site every day since I found it. I've learned so much here. The most important thing I've learned is that there are others out there that feel just like me, who have gone through the same things - leaving, lying, cheating, I love you today, I don't want you tomorrow, wonderful, heavenly days and days from hell. You are all in my heart every day. And I'm grateful for each of you, too.
