Bipolar Depression

My wife and I had been married for 12 years when she left. She had a history of verbal fighting, sexual indiscretions, etc. It truly devestaded me when she left. About six months after we divorced, she was diagnosed with bipolar(while living with another man). Within the next six months, she left her boyfriend, came back to me and convinced me it was all the diseases fault, she was getting treatment, getting better. Shortly afterward, we remarried. Things were still rocky at times but better than it had been in a long time. That was four years ago. Now we're right back where we were only now I'm the one who wants out. She is pretty much back to the way she was before we divorced(spending sprees, indescretions, etc.) She doesn't want us to seperate but I find that I can hardly live with it anymore. I know it's a disease but maybe I'm just not cut out to handle it. I've never been unfaithful to her and have always supported her both emotionally and financially. I care about her well being but don't feel that I love her anymore. Yet I feel guilty about wanting out. We have two chidren almost grown. I feel like she uses bipolar as a crutch sometimes for the things she says and does. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Hi William,

I see you're a new member here. If you haven't done so already, read through the many posts in the "Friends and Loved Ones" forum, particularly the one posted by (I think) "G" about the BP/Non BP Relationships:

http://forums.healthcentral.com/discussion/bipolar/foru...f/2651085/m/75710961

(Hopefully I posted that link correctly).

There is also a topic on another support site

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-support-forums/general-support

called "Support or Enabling" (it's among the top five or six subject headings) and it's extremely helpful at differentiating between the two. It might be worth taking a look if you want to continue in your relationship.

There was one posting I just read on that site (a different topic) where the woman, who is BP, said that she had had several affairs behind her husband's back during her manic phases, and never felt guilt or remorse about them. And in the next breath says that she loves her husband dearly and knew that if he found out he would leave her.

This is something so foreign to most of us, and if I may say, completely disgusting and unacceptable. Some say they can't control it, but I don't buy it. It's one thing not to be able to control the thoughts or the impulses but another not to be able to control acting on those impulses. Perhaps it's a lot harder for the BP to do than somebody who does not have the disease, but I agree that many just use the disease as a crutch or an excuse for their behavior. These seem to be the same people who compare the disease to any other disease like cancer or diabetes and say things like "Well, you wouldn't just walk away from somebody or not get into a relationship with somebody because they had cancer. It's not fair to do it with somebody who has BP." I know people who have/had cancer, diabetes and other diseases and they never behaved badly or hurtfully toward their loved ones. You simply can't compare them.

hey william,

welcome.i understand your guilty feeling.try loking at it this way.you gave it a second chance.i'm sure you gave more than that,but you've done all you can.

do you think that the knowledge of bp has you seeing her diferent than before.i sometimes wonder if mine didn't get dx'd if i would see it diferently.
i'm also curious if she is on a meds,and any history of therapy.if so then what happened that she got worse.that is my biggest concern right now.i'm basically hoping the meds do thier job.but thats alot at stake.having to reley on a little bottle of pills to have a somewhat normal life isn't very conforting.


mistified,i went and read that post you refered to.its called "cheating". i regret reading it.not sure how i missed it before.now i wish i had missed it.i left a rather blunt responce for them.its very disturbing how there was no remorse from them.the one woman is forsed to get an std test everytime she tells her husband she cheated.STOP CHEATING.hello!if she could go to the dr for an std test why not gets meds for bp?
the one lady said she is able to look back at all she's done now that she is medicated.makes me wonder if they ever do have normal thoughts.supposedly there is a normal period in between episodes.so why wasn't she able to see it then.i hate this disorder more and more each day.the more i read the more confused i get.

and no you certainly cant compare this illnes to anyother.a cancer patient wont dilerbately empty the bank acount,cheat ,lie,or run away for no reason.