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I am new to this posting thing, so forgive me if I have written too much. After eight years of treatment and nearly a lifetime of "knowing" I have come to the point of finally accepting the fact that this illness, in my case anyway, has become increasingly more dibilitating over the years and is considerably harder to manage than I anticipated. I have been able to reconcile the fact that I am a mere carcass of the person I used to be. And, in doing so, this recognition essentially affords me the opportunity to start my life over from scratch, regardless of what little I have left from my previous existence and the incredible "smallness" of my current world. The transformation from being a vital, energetic, intelligent and productive member of society to a recluse incapable of functioning for a portion of each month has been brutal to the point of feeling totally immasculated. However, even though this illness has gradually beaten the living crap out of me, I have made it this far and I will continue to move forward with renewed resolve and a considerable measure of previously lost dignity. Suprisingly, there comes a certain sense of inner strength, peace and emotional freedom in accepting the reality of the situation. The chaos and incessant suffering have become almost tolerable which, at a minimum, affords me the opportunity to start living again in the midst of new ideas and activities. May your experience be filled with hope as well (anyone reading this).
I really appreciated your encouragement. I have been suffering for a number of years now and find it very hard to accept the illness. Especially the depression side of things. If I could emulate your positive thoughts and start with what I have and working within those limitations I may be on the right road. Thank you.
Posts: 1 | Location: Cornwall England | Registered: 11-13-2007
Hi there. Im new myself at posting here, but I was takin a look around and found your's, so i wanted to tell you it was really good. I think I have found some peace as well from acceptance. I accepted that I could not be the same person I hoped and wanted to be, but I can function within my comfort zone. As long as I am in my home with my family and pets Im ok. I do venture out to the grocery if I feel I can, but most of the time I have to take anxiety medication before I do that. I have to accept the fact that Im not a self confident individual who can relate easily with others, that I get very angry and agitated sometimes without warning, and then go from happy to extremely sad all in one day and it never seems to be under my complete control. It is scary to say the least, but i have come to an understanding of what is happening to me, and at least I know my limitations and I make allowances for myself. It is so hard to trust anyone, so I remain trapped within the boundaries I have set for myself, but at least Im somewhat safe here. Thanks for putting out such a message because what you said...so easy to relate lol yeah I heard the note of sadness there in that you feel you have succumbed. I like to think rather that you are aware of your situation to the fullest degree and have decided to make the best of it. Here's hoping the positive feeling will over come the negative. sincere best wishes, Briar
