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my friend went into an episode last year , she became violent with me .she is still in and out of rage ,paranoia and delusions that she says i caused . did i trigger such a severe episodes? i was her best friend now i am her most hated enemy. she is in deial ,she will not take medication and she will not talk to me. is ther a way to talk to her the way we used to? can i get through to her ? very sad and distressed friend
Not sure if you "triggered" an episode. If you had a disagreement about something at the time it started it may have triggered this one she is in. I am not saying that you triggered it. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for a triggering event, it just happens and who is there when it does, gets the blast. She sounds manic and possibly rapid cycling if this has been going on for a year. If you haven't already, read up on the illness as much as you can. Let her know, if only subtly, that you are still there and yet let her have space. I can't promise things will return as they were, sorry. But once she "comes around" and you have done research maybe you can have a new friendship with the illness included. Can't promise that either. It is good though that you are still wanting to be her friend. Bipolars typically lose friends either by stigma or by residual collateral damage.
Try to think of the "triggers" involved in bipolar mania as arbitrary and spontaneous...because MOST of the time, they are. Certainly, stress or anger can influence an episode. But for the most part, the brain chemicals are calling the shots.
Having said that, can you get your friend's family (and/or others close to her) to intervene? We all have lucid moments during which someone can get through to us. She clearly needs to acknowledge her disease, and more often than not, the acknowledgement has to be reached at least partially through 3rd party observation and feedback.
Posts: 2 | Location: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: 01-16-2007
i do not know if anyone else will intervene . everyone does not care or has given up.when i do call she is angry . when i do not' she might call a month later.i called yesterday with a very heartfelt message . no reply which i feel is positive.i believe i was caught in the blast but right before it happened she said '" i run away" but i always come back".
I'm not sure of your friend's diagnosis as to bipolar but if it helps any...I was talking to a friend who I work with and her son has been diagnosed with a severe case of bipolar disorder which explains to her his lying all the time, acting out, etc.
His psychiatrist told his family that sometimes people that suffer from this disorder DO NOT REMEMBER the things they do from day to day..and thus the lies.
It wasn't you at all. Let it go and move on with the friendship.
Don't blame yourself. I like to treat episodes the same way I would treat a temper tantrum with a kid or teenager. Once they are upset, they lash out, like yelling at their parents I hate you! Who knows what set her off, and since she her emotions are still not stable, she is still lashing out, especially to people who are close because that causes even more emotion. Then, once its over, they just want to forget about it and come and give you a hug or take the car.
Now I am definitely NOT saying that people with bipolar are kids, but I have learned that dealing with episodes are a good comparison. Leave her alone for a bit and give her some space. Calling up every few weeks or so and then just leaving a “hi” message is a great way to let her know that you still care while letting have her space. Then try to let the “temper tantrum” go if you can. I know it is hard, and depending on what has been said and done, you may not be able to. If you can, wait till she is on calmer ground and when you have been getting along again for awhile, then talk about it and maybe you can also find out why she won’t take her medicine. Just tread carefully and try to judge her reactions so that you know when to stop pushing. If it gets close, just change the subject and wait till another day to try again.
Good Luck Tina
P.S. Just now realized this is an old post. Oh well, hope it helped anyway!
Triggers are things that cause stress and take a bp person into mania or depression. Those can be expressed as anger. Tough part is that some people don't know they are a trigger sometimes. I'm hyper-sensitive sometimes and when someone says something borderline snarky, I tend to shut down and not talk to them. For days. Inside, I'm pissed. You can only be loving. It's not really the words. It's how they are delivered. The tone. The context. I'm sure you're doing your best. Your friend needs to take meds, get sleep and avoid stress to be healthier and happier, and he/she needs to live a balanced life with activities and other friends. Balance. All right. But not always easy to do.
