Hi All,
Although there is a lot of doom and gloom no the marriage of a non-bp to a bp person.
My fiance is finally getting help, she's in therapy twice a week and it has done some good, cause she needs some good perspective.
it's a fight in herself, she has to fight herself and she's been doing really well.
got a question.
My fiance is gorgeous, I not only mean I think she's gorgeous, but she's genuinely the girl that stops traffic and breaks necks when she walks into a room.
BUT, she's got some really low self esteem, and needs a good deal of validation from men to feel attractive. she KNOWS this now. intellectually she states that. guys at her work are constantly making comments to her, from things like, hey skinny, looking good today, to you have killer eyes and such a great smile, to her boss who's 73, touching her hair, to you are such a cutie, to one guy that took it to far and said, god having you in this office is like waving and ice cream cone in front of a kid.
she says you know, if it was one guy saying I look nice, but when it's ten separately, I feel strange.
at the same time one guy said oh come on you like, it, and she's told me, it gives me validation, subconsciously I like the attention, but inside I don't feel good about it, I don't want this kind of attention but at the same time don't feel attractive and need it. she thinks it's her fault. She's a very bubbly, sweet girl,laughs a lot, smiles a lot, gets embarrassed by compliments, and I say that the thing, it's not you, thats the guy, if a guy talks to you and you're laughing or being bubbly, a guys gonna think you dig him, or are flirting, even if you're not, they don't know you like others do and don't know thats just YOU.
now some good signs are, she's finally aware of all this, where before therapy she didn't have a clue, also, she's finally uncomfortable with it. and thats how we change I feel, we get uncomfortable with something enough, and we change.
I told her ONE, you are far too hot to be that bubbly and nice,
and two, you're at work, it's inappropriate for the guy to be doing that, so just keep it business, if a guy start saying something in that manner, to draw your bubbliness/flirtation out, go directly into a business manner. see she NEEDS to be liked, even by people who she shouldn't care if they like her.
anything else that could help her?
we are very happy and she's getting help and really determined to figure herself out and change that.
even though theres a lot of bad things on this site, it's important to know, that there IS a way to make things happy.
