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Don,
My brother, who is also my very best friend and roommate, is bi-polar. Yes, there are days where he stresses me out so bad I want to just strangle him (figuratively speaking), but most of the time I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I think, the best way you can help out the people who love you, is by understanding what the pressures for us are and helping us to understand what you are going through.
The stress (at least for me) is not only knowing when my brother is going to turn into this raging maniac at the drop of a hat, it is also how I react to him. I feel Guilty cause I got mad at him for whatever, and then once I calm down I remember its not his fault. I beat myself up because I know I need to be more patient. I become anxious because I wonder if it was me that set him off, did I avoid or help him eliminate his “triggers”. Then feeling even worse if I know I didn’t. Then you have the loneliness. I start wondering sometimes if he even wants me around at all. But then, he will come over and bug me or give me this big smile, and I feel like I am on that frickin’ emotional roller coaster ride right next to him.
Lately though, when we fight, after we both calm down and I say I’m sorry, he has been looking at me and saying “Its not you, its me.” And then tells me why he has been extra stressed that day...maybe he had to deal with more red tape, or the dog did something to irritate him, or he just isn’t feeling good. It can be just one or two sentences or one of those rare times we actually talk awhile. Either way, it is like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Of course I know its the bi-polar, but it is nice to have it confirmed once in awhile. Knowing what is going on helps me to realize that I haven’t done anything wrong (and that he still loves me and wants me around), and helps me see where he is coming from. It also lets me know and accept if there is or isn’t something I can do to help. Understanding is what keeps me sane.
So, to make a short story long, just keep them in the loop. That way they know that you do still want them around. Keep your humor. I tease my brother all the time that he is like a switch flipping, but it helps ease the tension and teasing him lets him know in a fun way (not accusing way) of when my stress level is rising because of him. Try to help them understand some of your “triggers” so that they can avoid them, or help you avoid them. And let them help you! If you hate paper work, have one of them fill the papers out and you just sign them. The more that they understand about you and vice versa, the less they will want to run.
Good luck!
Tina
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