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I feel lost. I feel as though I will not survive this again.
I know I must take meds and yet meds and me don't mix well. It isn't that I'm med non-compliant, I'm med intolerant. If it has a side effect I get it. It it has an adverse effect I feel it. Meds and me don't mix. Yet all anyone wants me to do is take meds and preach about how you must take meds all the days of your life or you'll not manage this.
Yet then you find folks who you think are "stabilized" by the way they talk or blog and then wham.. they come derailed just as I feel right now. So, do the meds truly stabilize you? Right now, not thinking so.
You see anything in your life can through it all off, take your cable car off the line and plunge you headlong into the gorge, all the while you are taking your meds as told to do. So it isn't a total med thing apparently.
I remember the social workers telling me that if I got on the "right" meds then in a year or so afterwards I could experience a better quality of life.
In March it will be a year since diagnosis and I'm on no meds because me and meds don't go well together. So does this mean my quality of life will be further and longer down the line? Will I ever experience it? Will I ever see it? Or will I die having never experienced it?
Yes I know it is all in the way you see things and all in the way your attitude is. Mine has never been too positive and cheery. It isn't that I haven't wanted it to be, it's just life interrupts and reminds me why it isn't sometimes. That interruption is the depression that overwhelms and overtakes me. Just as it is starting to do again.
I have had problems with side effects also. I take lithium, but have still experienced episodes while taking it. I don't know what the answer is, but I wish you luck. Hang in there.
Try Julie Fast's website, bipolarhappens.com She is incredibly med-intolerant & has a great way of handling things. She's written some great books, and her health cards are a life saver. Good luck!