Bipolar Depression

I have been reading all the discussion board about bi-polar diorder. Most have made me realize that my wife has a problem that I cannot control. I love her very much and have spent the last 5 years with her. I supported her even when everyone told me to leave. She checked herself into a mental hospital when we first met and I was there for her then too, spending hours holding her hand. Now she wants a divorce, took everything from me, and will not talk to me at all. She was taking lexapro and continues to take it and stop throughout the month. When I bring it up she threatens me with divorce. I just want her back, is this possible or am I just crazy too?

Hello,
Divorce is really hard. You didn't say if your wife was dx'ed bp. Did you know that antidepressants only for patients with bp could trigger them into mania? Which posts did you relate to most. Hang in there. Everyone wishes their spouse would come back- whether they are physical gone or mentally checked out or both at the same time. You must make sure to take good care of yourself so that you can handle all that comes your way. These posts are so helpful- don't be shy.

She was diagnosed with b'polar in 2002 at the mental health hospital. She says they were wrong but a lot of the messages on here are a mirror of the way she treats me, everything is my fault, she yells at me, curses me, etc. I am not sure what to do. She generally does this same thing every year about the same time, except for last year. I usually always move out once a year. Do I give her time or do I let her go? It has only been two weeks since I have been out of the house, but it seems like eternity. I am not sure how to approach her about her condition without things flaring up. Right now she will not speak to me and when I do call she is so hateful. She said that she wishes she had never married me and that I would be better off dead in her eyes. Is the lexapro hurting her more? She was on zoloft and prozac before that, but she said she doesn't need them anymore since I am gone, and that I am the reason she is taking them. Please advise.

In your case I would really be concerned about what meds she is or is not taking. Research this- It probably is playing a big role in this current episode. Why do you have to leave the house? Does she tell you to or can you not take it anymore. Is your spouse distant non-responsive to touch at times? I know what you are talking about- it seems like the spouses have experienced the same things and most have felt all alone until they found a support group. As a spouse, I too have no clue what to say or do. The last episode I did nothing- I was unaware of possible bp. I wouldn't say I took great care of myself or the kids- I didn't know and was concerned about what was going on with their father and our relationship. Things were never discussed. I find it almost impossible to talk to your spouse during an episode. Mine just said it's not you. He tried his best to protect him and us from his bp but this time I told him what I suspected- It didn't come across loving and supportive- After 10 yrs. and then when the lightbulb turns on and you feel like your entire relationship was not real. What a shock to the system. It seems like all of us are saying how do we approach our bp spouses and not seem like the enemy? It really helps to read the posts from other people with bp. Not all things work for all people. Most say there is nothing we can do except sit back and wait. Well you get to a point where sitting back and waiting is unhealthy for you and your children. It is sad. Is there ever a right time to divorce your spouse due to an illness? (Especially when the bp souse is in denial and doesn't seek help). My spouse tells me I treat him like a 4 yr. old. All my life I just wanted to be there for him and be of help. It is verbal abuse all the stuff they say to us. I don't even think they know they say these things. You know that the stuff they don't say is running through their heads. I suppose the right time to go through with a divorce is when you are totally ready and don't recognize or even see this person as anyone familiar. When life for you is so much more enlightening without them. (Sounds like I am having a bp mania moment- strange eh?) They feel the same way about divorce. I guess when you get to a point the both parties are mutual and no one will face the long journey ahead, is that the right time? What if the bp spouse hits bottom and comes around again with the professed love? Do not live in fear or guilt. See my other posts. Just do alot of soul searching within yourself. Smile alot even when you don't feel like it- it makes you happy. (others too!)

I try to smile everyday, it is hard. People at work know when my wife is being good to me, they say there is a twinkle in my eye and there isn't any challenge that can overcome me. I have a very stressful job as it is and this doesn't help matters.

I left this last time because she said she had filed for divorce and I would be getting the papers soon. Also if I didn't leave she was going to get a restraining order against me in case I tried to come back and hurt her or the children. A lot of things she said were very confusing to me and I didn't know why she was saying them, all I knew was that it hurt, bad. I love her with all my heart and I wish I could take it all away and give it to myself. She is a beautiful caring and hard working person when she is on her game, but when she is not...DEVIL IN DISGUISE! I would do anything to be able to sit down with her and discuss our differences in an adult manner and try and resolve this problem. I grew up with an alcoholic and vowed that I would never do that to my family, and to this day I have not. I am a 37 year old man and I am committed to what I have started, I meant it when it said for better or worse, until death...I just wish I had the answers and the strength. Thank you for your responses, they have really helped me.