Bipolar Depression

I just recently been diagnosed with bipolar. I have a one-year-old son and a boyfriend. After reading many of the posts here I am scared to keep on with my relationship.

My boyfriend has told me that he is teetering on leaving because things just don't seem to be getting better. I don't want to lose my family, but is it selfish of me to keep promising him I will get better when I may not or there is always the possibility of relapsing.

I have become agressive and hit him. I blow up about once a week over anything. He could tell me the sky is blue today and I will scream I hate him.

What should I do? I don't want to ruin his life his is only 24. We have a son together and that boy is my life, but some days I can't get the energy up to go to the store or clean the house. My boyfriend keeps telling me I have a horrible "I can't" attitude and there are many moms that do twice what I do. I am a stay-at-home mom and my house is never clean to his standards, I know he thinks I am lazy, but I try.

I have read that people say he should get out while he can, what do I do?

Is this even a life worth living?? I've cried too much, I don't want to be dependent on medication but is that the only way? I don't think I can have lasting relationships-- I've always ran to another state when things got hard, but now I have a child to think about. I wonder if he wouldn't be better off without me.

Shandy

shandy,
i replied to your guestion on the other post you did about what you can do.
sad to say but meds are the only way at this point in time.just as your not thirlled about taking them,i'm not thrilled that a bottle of pills is all that keeps mt wife sane.its not an easy life for the bp or the spouse.the meds dont just effect you.the side effects also have effects on your partner.just as you actions do.

how long have you been on meds.it doesn't sound like they are working to well.i saw major changes in my wife in 3 months. we can actually have a conversation for more than 5 minutes now.about serious stuff too.yea me!!!!of course the meds knock her out by 9 ,so most of my evenings are spent alone.but hey,i was alone before the meds too.and altleast now i know where she is and what she is doing.i suppose its a trade off.

as i said in the other post let him have his own feelings,let him make his own decisions.you cant decide if he will be better off without you.thats his decision.my wife told me alot i would be happy if she left.not true at all.i'll decide when i'm happy!just as your s/o.

also ,he needs to be educated on the illness.the more he understands the better he will be.he is just as confused as you in this.and he needs your help just as much as you needs his.

Thank you Rob. I just started meds 2 nights ago. Not sure yet on those. But you told me what I needed to hear, may not have been what I wanted to hear, but I know I do the exact things your wife does to you. I blame him for everything, I want him to get over me screaming at him that he is a horrible dad when I come down an hour later and say sorrry. I can turn a switch he can't he says that to me all the time.

But I just found out why I am this way, I never wanted to admit that this may be true till now. Who wants to admit they are the one that was crazy all along it was so much easier to believe it was him.

Thank you for giving me hope that this can work.

oh yes the light switch theory.its is amazing how fast one with bp can simply switch off and on.only being on meds a few days it may take some time for you to see results.chances are you will switch meds or doses several times.finding the right combination is time consuming.
how does your s/o feel about the dx.for me it was kind of a relief.knowing that there is a medical reason for it all.
the easy way seems to be a common trait of bp.its easier to lie,to blame others,to not accept truth.all these are learned behaviors that must now be unlearned.hopefully meds and therapy will help you accomplish this.

keep us posted on your progress,and wish you the best

rob

If it's something you want, don't give up. Having bipolar disorder is a challenge, but to some it gives more strength and resolve. I have bipolar disorder, and am weak in some areas, but very strong in others. If insurance will pay, or the cost is reasonable, counseling can help, both for you and him.

Keep reaching for wellness, it will come.

Consult your doctor or counselor. Pray. You need to figure out if you can do your part in the relationship.
I think bp people can do anything. I've met bp people with good marriages, good families. So anything is possible.
But both sides -- bp people and their partners -- need to practice good behavior. If you think you can do it, pledge that effort to him.