Bipolar Depression

Rob,

Are you saying that you hired her as an escort on a "long-term" basis and then fell in love with her? So then, you have had sex with her and she's not just a "friend", as you've intimated here. And, since this is her business, then can I assume you paid her for sex?

It's Dan, but actually I have not paid her for anything or even been intimate. I know it may sound strange, but somehow when I first talked to her our appt got scheduled for my birthday in March--a long time off-by idea..
But, we just started taolking and corrisponding and really connecting. Put it this way, some people don;t have minute plans as much as we taked on the phone.

But, a connection like that is unique, and especailly for me , since I was isolated for so long, That's what makes this so shattering to me. She had said that, since I had been fasting and praying for awhile that she knew I found her for a reason because she knew she would help me in some way because she had a good heart. And belive me, she shared things with me that she would not share with others such as about her son and his band because she trusted me. Also inviting me to stay the night etc.
No, I'm not in love with her, but I don not want her or that connection to go away--I don't know where it could have lead. Here is her last email to me that kicked everything off:

Hi Hon:

Sorry it has taken me this long to email. This surgery was VERY painful!!! But I would do it all over again ; ) The first 3 days were a doozie for me...oh boy, then just trying to adjust to the pain. Holly flew out on Saturday and I have been on my own and adjusting since. Today I am feeling better, and friends have been bringing me dinner, etc. I still can't extend my arms too high and have to be careful. They, my bOObies, look better daily....your birthday should be fun : )

I am sorry you binged : (...sometimes the stress of daily life can get to you...??? is that what happened? What happened? What did you drink? Your email to me wasn't out of the ordinary, you were playful and I didn't even know you, and could not tell you were drinking. No worries. I am sorry I wasn't there for you to talk to you.....

On the bright side, your business is growing!!!! Don't fall backward, move forwards...Please!!!

Thank you for the Angel reading. I have not received the gift card yet, but as soon as I do, I will schedule my reading. I need it! I too have things going on...we all do...we always will! : )

I will call you later today. I miss gabbing with you, but please understand that I have been out of it. Getting back to normal daily...Well, as normal as normal can be...LOL...

Hugs and Kisses...


I just don't understand it. She never called. Her phone was off, then I sent all the emails, etc. I just don't know what to do.

Dan,

You are still being very unclear as to what your relationship with this woman really is. How did you connect with her initially? Was it in her capacity as an escort, even if you chose not to pursue the sexual aspect of it? Or, did you meet her at the grocery store, the post office, through friends, at a bar, in a parking lot, etc.

Have you even MET her yet? You mention something about how your first "appointment" was scheduled for March and then you two just started talking a lot. Was your "appointment" for "escort" services?

This is starting to sound like you have developed some kind of obsession with a "hooker with a heart of gold" that you haven't even met yet. If that IS the case, this woman is "yanking your chain" while running around and getting breast implants. Maybe she has some sick, narcissistic need to keep you on the hook, so to speak, as a ego-boosting phone buddy.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: chattycathy,

I met her initially planning on being intimate through the channels one goes through. However, things turned into more than that. I looked at my cell bill the other night and one night alone we were on the phone for almost 3 hours. Just a great bond.

I just don;t know if bipolar people just can't help it or just make excuses. You know just use that as a blank check to get away with anything.

Howevr as you can see from her last mail, she was not trying to distance herself in the least. I guess her depression hit like a tim of bricks...?

Dan, I just edited my post, above, while you were writing. Take a look at it.

I can't believe I've been waiting my time attempting to give you advice. The woman is a HOOKER, for god sakes! You've never even MET her. The only "relationship" you have with her is IN YOUR HEAD. She doesn't care. It's a business for her, no matter what she may have said to you about her son, etc. Get a clue!

I just wanted to add that ti me it does not really matter if I met her as an escort or not. Our interaction went beyond that which she did not get a dime for. It's irrelevent to the bipolar behavior.

And I have to say that again it is irrelevant that she is a "hooker" as you put it. And I don't see how around 20 emails from her and hundreds of hours on the phone is "in my head" Do I want to marry her? No. Do I want her for girlfriend? No

But, there is called a serious connection with someone, and yes the bipolar is disruptive. Which is the topic ar hand.

Dan,

I'm going to chime in here again if I may. I agree with CC...the breast implants, the escort business, this doesn't sound like a stable individual who's ready (or even interested, for that matter) in developing any type of serious relationship. Just to pose the question again, have you even MET her yet?

I chatted endlessly with the guy I was involved with last summer before we actually met, and boy, did he sweep me off his feet with the words (phone and IM). Said all the right stuff to suck me in, and yes, even confided things to me that were extremely personal because I was "the only one he could truly trust". But in the end, the words meant nothing as they were not backed up by action. Everything he told me about himself turned out to be exactly the opposite of who he actually was. Once I finally learned that he had bipolar (almost two months after he disappeared) and started reading about it, I believe that I was nothing more than a manic fling for him. That could very well be what is happening here with you. During a manic or hypomanic stage, the world is grand and everything/everyone is wonderful. This seems to be especially true if they are not compliant with their treatment (which I know, mine wasn't). I also believe CC may be correct in suggesting a narcissistic quality. My "ex", I believe, also had borderline personality disorder in addition to the BP. He went from completely idealizing our relationship and thinking I was the "quintessential" woman, to completely abandoning it and acting as if I didn't exist.

One last thing I want to add. You mentioned that you yourself are in recovery, and it could be that you have formed this unrealistic attachment to this woman out of a codependent behavior. I'm not a medical or psychology expert but from everything I've read about it, this might be something to look into yourself. If you are basing your feelings about her on phone conversations/e-mail messages alone, it sounds like it's more infatuation than a genuine "connection".

I think the real reason I was drawn to her (or kept communicating) was felling a, and wanting a connection. And outside of bipolar land when something like that is happening people don't just "drop the ball"

Could she have been manic? Well, sometimes looking back i noticed that behavior, but I know a few times she slipped into depression. So..

If someone were to really just "lead" someone along like that and especially using their 14 y/o son and stuff, (who's christian band I saw online)they would be very, very demented.

I should add that her phone is constantly off now and no response. Is'nt this commin with bipolars?

Dan,

I understand that you're trying to find answers about whether this is common bipolar behavior, but I think an important question to ask yourself is, bipolar or not, is this acceptable behavior to you? Certainly if a relationship with this woman had already been established (I mean a real-life relationship) you would want to preserve it and do whatever you could to help the other person get treatment, etc. But if this was just about companionship or wanting a "connection" with somebody, this person is already not meeting those needs. Really, if you can try to step back from this and look at it objectively, maybe you can get a clearer perspective. Forget about the "words" and what she told you. People can say anything they want. Pay more attention to the actions.

Your original post was about whether or not lying is common among people with BP. I can only speak from my experience (which is a definite YES) and from what I've read on this and other boards. And like I said previously, mine had no problem fabricating a whopper of a story concerning his son just to excuse his poor behavior. I thought the same thing; how could he make up such a horrible lie about one of his own children just to hide the fact that he simply wanted to disappear for a couple of days?

And not to dwell on the escort thing, but realistically, that in itself is a "fantasy" job. She can recreate herself to be whomever she has to be for the "occasion" so to speak. Whether or not she received a dime for her interaction or communication with you, it wouldn't be too far of a stretch to think that maybe she was doing the same thing for your benefit. I know it sucks to believe something like that. My personal thought is be grateful it didn't go any farther than it did.

But the question would be why...what would she get out of talking on the phone for hours, sharing, and emailing. I don't get it...
Why would she trust telling me about her son, band name and all, to risk being found out, etc. And if it is just about business why is she not responding. I mean that last email, does that sound like someone with an agenda to you???I does not make sense.


It IS devestating for me though. I have been isoloated for many years emotionally,with alcohol and to begin to connect and just have it abandoned cuts me to the bone.

Dan,

No, it doesn't make any sense. And for two months I asked myself the same questions, over and over. Why would he say all those things, why would he spend hours (sometimes five or six at a time) talking on the phone or IM'ing, why would he share so many intimate, personal details about himself (his family, his kids), only to just bolt out of the blue like that? Sadly, though, the more I read about this disorder, the more pieces started falling into place. Their behavior can often times be terribly confusing (and from what I understand, not only to others but also to themselves) and downright hurtful. It sounds like you didn't experience any of the really negative stuff that others have described, with the exception of her just shutting you out. With mine, I got a brief but glimpse into it and it wasn't pretty. This was somebody who started out so loving, kind, sweet, thoughtful.

Then the Jekyl/Hyde transformation began right toward the end. He was cold, distant, easily irritated, started making mean comments, accusing me of being paranoid, etc. It was so confusing to say the least. He went from Mr. Talkative/Expressive to terse yes/no responses.

All I can tell you is that the more I read, the more I understood. If you haven't done so already, read through some of the older posts in this forum, and you'll find some of the same things you're talking about. In fact, the way I discovered this site was by typing in "Bipolar boyfriend disappeared". I couldn't believe how many results there were.

You'll drive yourself insane trying to make sense out if. You can't rationalize the irrational.

Oh I need to tell you something. The way you were talking about your ex with the crazy almost multiple personality thing, I actually did know someone who was bipolar a few years back. He was a friend of mine and although, I knew he was bipolar, I knew nothing about the disorder itself at the time. In fact the way he acted made me self-concious. Like, did I do something wrong? We used to talk on the phone or in person and joke around and then the next day he would be really venemous and imitate, critisize people etc.

other times he would come into the restaraunt in pajamas with a crazed look in his eye. a few times I made the mistake of asking him to cover my shift for me. Guess what? He would'nt show up! Or, he would come in midway shift, not to work but to order food! I am coming to realize that the thing about bipolar people is they are beyond self centered.
He was married too. Did not work--she did because he probably could not. But he was always critical and suspicious of her. Then some days out of the blue he was friendly like it was the model family. I found out later that his first marriage ended and involved him being violent. That is another thing I am noticing in many bipolar men, (women too?) is the tendency for aggression.

But speaking of the world revolving around them, I am thinking i have an idea what may be happening. I cought her breaking her word to me, and I not only expressed my hurt, but demanded she take responsibility and at the very least apologize. Imagine the nerve! I think I'm on to something here. And come to think of it, he did not like confrontations about his irrisponsible behavior or b.s. either. hmmm..

Hust to cliarify, when I asked his to covers my shift I did not yet know how erratic he was. The first time went fine, but after he just brushed it off the second time, naturally I never asked again.

All bp people are not the same. Some are excellent communicators and are in great conditions, working and raising families. I know them.
And I've seen outrageous and rude behavior from non-bp women and men who are takers and users and extremely vulgar and rude.
If you're with a bp person, all you can do is show you care and encourage them to get healthy, for the benefit of the two of you. If the bp person can't see the value of that, his/her loss. It's all you can do.