Bipolar Depression

I have been wondering how you know what symptoms are from mania vs. depression? My husband (we are currently living apart) has times where he will not talk to me. Wont answer my phone calls, return calls, or anything. At times I leave messages telling him I am worried about him and just need to know he is alright. When he does talk to me, sometimes a week or month later, he says he just has not felt like talking. Are the episodes coming from mania or depresssion? This illness is so devastating to both the one who suffers from it as well as all who love them.
Thanks for your responses.
Bren

Hi Bren~Well, of course everyone is different. But in my experience, it would be either. My b/f and I have been off and on for 3 years. I've got his moods and cycles down to a science. Here's what I mean from it possibly being either or. My b/f is currently depressed. He is not really talking to me, barely answering my text and calls, and if I didn't contact him, it's very likely I may not hear from him for a month. And his excuse is always he just doesn't feel like talking. So, in his case, he is like this when he is depressed.

Now, it is sometimes like this when he is hypomanic too. Sometimes when he is in a manic cycle, he can't get enough of me...can't give me enough attention...and wants to be around me as much as possible. However, sometime during his manic phases, he wants very little to do with me. He is too busy going out and socializeing. He becomes aggitated, annoyed and irritated by me, and tries to avoid me at all costs...because he knows I know he's bipolar, and when he's "high" he doesn't want to be around me for fear I'll bring him down because he'd rather hang out with people he thinks don't know about his illness.

It is a devestating illness on all parties involved. I don't know if what I said helped, but I wanted you to know that I completely and totally understand how you feel! I wish you the best!!!

What I don't understand is how these guys can continue on with their lives and interact with people at work every day, but not be able to interact with their loved one? I mean, if they just tuned out from everyone in their lives and just stayed home, it would make more sense because they would not be dealing with people in general.

CC -- I can't help but think the DO show this evidence at work. But, not to the same extreme and coworkers aren't going to take a non-talkative spell as personally as a loved one. I know my husband is being destructive to relationships at work and with friends -- but they only deal with it in short stints. We get the full force of it every time.

Chatty~ I completely agree with stonecold. In my case, my b/f can maintain relationships with his family, friends and co-workers because he thinks they don't know anything is wrong. When in all actuality, many of them have asked me if something is wrong with him or say sometimes something seems off with him. However, none of them confront him about his behavior, so he thinks all is well. And I don't come out and tell them he's BP cause I feel it's not my place. But with me, see, he knows I know. And I think alot of the time he doesn't want to face it so he completely avoids me. Like I'm gonna be his kill joy. Depressed or manic. I wish more people would call him out for it...maybe then he'd get some help.

But I'm about at the end of my rope. NEVER thought I'd reach the point where I would break up with him (he's always broken up with me). But I deserve better than this...not saying better than him...but if he's not going to take responsibility for his behavior and do something about it...I can't stay and continue to feel worthless and insignificant. I think I have finally reached the point where I believe him when he says he'll never go on medication. And that's just not something I can live with. VERY SAD!!!

I guess your responses confirm my suspicions. My guy was a surgeon, so being quiet and weird is not as noticeable in his profession. Plus, doctors get left alone by people the work with and he was a "hired hand" - it wasn't his practice.

I also think you're right about the "killjoy" thing, my guy just abruptly stopped talking to me when I began to notice odd things about him and started asking questions. We never even "broke up" - he just didn't call me one day, so I called him and his demeanor was different and he said he needs his "space" and that was it. It's been 5 months now, and in the weeks before the "shut-out", he had me come to his state to meet his kids and look at houses for us to live in together (he wanted my approval before he rented one). And, he wanted to go shopping for an engagement ring for me! And, this was after being together only 2-1/2 months! We hadn't even had sex yet! Not that he didn't try. I think I met him when he was "hypo-manic" and then he cycled into some other place when things became too "real" for him.

Then he went manic on a dating website, changing his profile every other week for the last four months and now he's not on there so much anymore. I also called his office recently, pretending to be a patient and he's not there half the time because there haven't been a lot of patients for him to see, but he's thrown himself back into religious activities again, on the planning committee for this and that. With all his financial problems, he really needs to be doing marketing for his practice to bring in patients. He has the potential to be enormously successful and I was supposed to run his marketing campaign and also consult with prospective patients. I just know if I were still in the picture that he'd have tons of business.

I guess I'm just a sicko! He could give a squat about me and I still check up on him and care about him. In spite of his internet dating activities, he isn't even seeing anyone. A friend of mine thinks he's sorry for what he did and can't find anyone to compare to me, but can't call me up again because he's (a) too embarrassed at what he did' or (b) told everyone there such awful things about me to justify what he did, that it would be exposing his dysfunction to get back together with me! So, I guess his ego is more important to him than I am.

From what I can deduce, he was manic when we met (August-October), then 3 months later a depression got triggered when I noticed odd stuff about him (November-January), then 2 months after that, he went manic again (end of Jan-mid March, because he was posting on the internet in the middle of the night and at all other hours and now he seems to be depressed again (not in the office, not posting online, etc.). Maybe his lack of patients has triggered the depression? All the other docs in his speciality are very busy right now.

Does this sound how the cycles work? I am new at this, and even though I've come to terms with the fact that he's never coming back, I am still curious about this disorder (which BTW, he was never formally diagnosed with). He admitted to OCD for which he was on 160 mg/day of two different anti-depressants.

Mania is the medical condition where patients suffer severely elevated moods at all times. Normally it is associated with mood swings when the patient goes through extremely elevated or happy mood at one time and at the other time may feel depressed.Depression is a listed mental disorder which includes altered mood; it may occur daily associated with diminished interest or pleasure in most or all of the activities. Depression is considered to be a disorder.
http://www.mydepressionmedication.com/

Bren, I think this results from depression. I do the same with my girlfriend. Can only speak for me, but sometimes not talking is because of being sad or angry. I have bpII and am hyper-sensitive. If someone says something borderline snarky, I don't care to talk to them. I'll go where I get positive attention. Not saying this is what you guys are doing. This is just me. It may very well be inappropriate. But I've read bp people can hunger for attention. Plus, people like to have control in their lives and not just react. It's great that you're caring and hopefully he will value that and return to regular contact. You're right, it is a tough illness.