Bipolar Depression

My husband has not been actually diagnosed yet, I do feel he is bipolar though based on my research. We have been seperated for over 2 years now, living apart but, still seeing each other at times. His moods have been up and down and up and down. At times he will go for weeks without speaking with me or answering calls from me or his 9 year old son. Then he comes around appologizing and trying to explain. Which is the manic and which is the depression? All of the sudden after 2 weeks ago him telling me he was ready to come home, then no contact for 4 weeks, today he all of the sudden "doesn't love me anymore and wants a divorce". Also today I spoke with the person he has living with for the last couple years and they told me he has been sniffing pain pills. What the #@*&. I never considered it. Where do I go from here and how should I act or react to this news? I don't want to push him away further but, should I enable him? Please help

Bren

you're living separate from him may just be a good thing still. his moods are changing rapidly and it may be rapid cycling which is a quick jump between mania, depression, and normalcy. he also appears to be self medicating with the pain pills so he must not be on any psychiatric medications and you didn't say if he sees a psychiatrist or therapist. i take it he probably doesn't. there isn't much you can do actually. you are living apart so you do get a bit of a breather so to speak and so does your child. sounds like a lot of instability going on his side. again, unless he presents a danger to himself and/or others there isn't a lot you can do except wait it out and see where he lands. i'm sorry i couldn't be of more help.

I hear what you are saying. NO he is not seeing a therapist, is not medicated and is really not diagnosed yet. He was diagnosed with adult ADD 2 years ago and was advised to go for further testing and evaluation. At that time he is when he decided to move out and be 'on his own' for awhile. Although there is really nothing I can do, surely there are things that will make him see me in a little better way. More of his friend and less his enemy. Should I continue calling him to let him know I love him and am still here willing to do what I need to do to help him or should I stop calling and wait for him to call me or whatever happens. I truly am worried about him but, at the same time have been praying for so long that he hit bottom and hopefully gain some insight regarding diagnosis, treatment etc. I don't want to act or react in any manner that will further alienate him from me. Thats all.

Bren

bren, I feel the same way. I don't know what to say or do to help my husband. I feel lost. Sometimes when I call him I say I love you sometimes I don't. He never does anymore unless I say it first. This is so strange without a diagnosis. My husband also was dx. with add about 3 yrs. ago. I believe he has had it since childhood, but now with knowing his strong family hx. of bp and being with him through all those cycles that I didn't understand until this month. It all makes sense now. But what was easier, being unaware or now suspecting that he is bp and is in denial. My husband is on the job traveling for a few days. Funny- it does make life a little easier. But my heart still wants to help him. Take care of yourself and your child. Smile :}

I am so sorry Bren and "you go girl". I didn't realize this was so new to you like myself--- "YGG". Bren you must be very strong if it has been 2 years, I don't know what I would do--it has only been 20 days, yet, this time, 2-3 months last time.And I think that at least right now all we can do is take care of ourselves (and your children) keep coming here and where ever else we can for support and pray. Our hands are kind of tied---mine is thinking "maybe" in the future we might be friends. It's hard to understand how anyone could do that to someone they recently said they loved, and shared 11 years together with. I am glad that I met you two, at least we can share our stories and it's good to know that we are not alone.

To All- I am so greatful for this site. For 10 yrs. I really ignored the roller coaster ride. This is my 2nd marriage. The 1st one was for 7 yrs. I thought I would be smarter and recognize any signs that the relationship was in trouble. But when you are ignored and rejected it is had to say what's wrong with us- it usually had boiled down to what's wrong with me. My husband would get mad and say it has nothing to do with me. How confusing. Did you read all my other posts. Getting mad at the illness not the person helps a little. I don't even know my husband anymore- that helps too. Sounds weird, but it takes some of the pain away. At times I wonder if a miracle would happen- not that he be fixed- but he seeks help and finally work together as a team on the same page. This illness is so stressful on the family. My husband is very mad that I am seeking for a reason why he doesn't "feel the same way towards me anymore". He doesn't understand when I tell him that I noticed definite cycles and patterns. He knows he had ADD as a child and as I said about 3 yrs. ago he did see a psych who said it was adult ADD. Got meds for a very short time-stopped and we did nothing else. What a shame. I wish I would have suspected bp then. Have you read Arthasolidor's posts? It has helped me to understand my husband (an explanation-very healing) I feel compelled to help. So I know that if my husband was to seek help I'd be there. This phase right now is so hard. He wants nothing to do with me. It is hard for me to be kind/a friend while being totally rejected. I must protect myself and my children. This waiting game hurts. Especially when after 10 yrs. I told him them perhaps we should get a divorce. ????Is there ever a good time in a bp person's life to whip out with the "D" word? I don't know how to be a friend to him and I know I am his worst enemy in his head and because of all the resentment and rejection I don't feel the same way towards him. I know relationship counseling would not work if a person is in denial about bp. I'm the crazy one according to him who just doesn't understand that "This is who I am now and I don't want to get back to my loving self. You wouldn't like me If you knew who I really am"(this is my only explanation from my husband.) I'm scared this time, he is drinking more hard liquor- he says it's every day to relax. It's 101 proof and he says this is not a problem to him- it's my problem. I sound really down and negative right now. Really I'm probably just tired since it is 3 a.m. Perhaps I shouldn't post this late. Last night at 2:30 a.m. I wrote my longest- most honest post and then my laptop overheated and shut off. I guess it was still healing to me to have typed it. Take good care of yourselves and smile. Did anyone try my smiling experiment? See my other posts. Good Night to All- Think happy thoughts-Smile -YGG

Hi "YGG" it's Ty, I feel such a connection to you,we seem to be going through the same stuff at the same time. I wrote in a reply post to " Outragous Sun" today who wrote me and gave me some hope, maybe you could read it. I am so sorry for your pain right now. And I don't want to tell you that you are wrong with thinking that you may not love him anymore, but i know I have been there too, and I have to say for me the love IS still there, just kind of like them(Bp's)---hidden under all of this hurt and trauma. It is extremely hard! And as I told Outragous--today has been the hardest day---deep depression. You can only take so much pain and rejection without breaking down. I was in the bathroom at work today on my knees praying to God, because this pain is so unbearable! I know that we have to keep going for our own sake(and children) so that is why I come to this site first thing when I get home---it so helps to have people around for support, and words of wisdom, it keeps me going. I of course don't know you or what your marriage is really like but I can bet that the problems don't stem from you.That's how my husband made me feel; he would say almost the same thing to me too that "he wants to be himself, and that I wouldn't like who he is"---but it's not my husband--it's Bp. The characteristics have quite a lot of similarities, from person to person. I know with having depress. and being a perfectionist myself that I probably didn't make the situations good--I have too high expectations, and you know with Bp you have to be careful--I wish I would have known then that he had it. Don't forget that we are all here for you. And it WILL get better I am saying that for my own good too.We don't know when this episode will pass--BUT it "will"pass.
Try to do something nice for yourself and your kids---you DESERVE it. I know it's hard to do when your in despair---but when you can it does help. Take care, my prayers are with you all. Ty