Bipolar Depression

Hello all! It is great to know that someone else (and it seems like many) is going through what I am going through.
So, to make a short story long...My husband and I have been together for 10 years...married for 6 dated for 4. He comes from a horrible background (Dad, Brother and Uncles are all alcoholics and addicted to drugs and physically abusive; grandpa killed himself). He was diagnosed with bp and put on depakote. It worked for a couple of years before he decided that he didn't need it anymore. He was fine for a little while. We had a baby together about a year ago and that is when I noticed the swings coming back. Out of the blue one day he went and bought a crotch rocket that goes like 200 mph in 2 secs knowing that we didn't have the money to pay for it. He went to the casinos and blew $800 in one sitting and then got mad when I wouldn't wire him more money. Then, one day at work he was showing off his motorcycle and was going 90 mph in between speed bumps and falls off and dislocates his shoulder. He was off of work for 3 months. This is when the depression hit. Then decided he couldn't concentrate so a new Dr diagnosed him with ADHD and put him on Ritalin and then Adderall. He was horrible on them. He never came down from the manic state it seemed like. He never slept, was irritable, no one could get along with him, he wanted to fight people all the time...etc. Some time during this phase he decides that I am the worst person on earth, the biggest bi*** he has ever known, etc and he packs everything and leaves. During the time that he was off from work, I had to borrow around $6K to pay our bills. He told me that I would have to pay all that myself that I wasn't getting a dime from him. I make really good money myself but not enough to pay for all the bills he had racked up. Anyway, I beg him to come back and not to ruin our family. The things he says were so hateful to me that I don't really like repeating them. Eventually he comes back and of course everything was my fault for the way it went down.
I finally got him to go to another Dr and this one gave him Geodon. I asked him if he had taken it and at first he lied to me and told me he had taken the med. I found the packet later that day and he hadn't taken any of it. When I confronted him about it he blew up at me and told me that I only liked him when he was medicated and that I am forcing him to be someone he is not. That is not the case at all. I don't know how to deal with him when he is manic. When it was just me I could deal with it, but now that we have a child I don't know how to deal. I don't want my child growing up in a home where mom and dad are always arguing and never knowing what kind of mood dad is going to be in. I want more for my kid. When I try and mention this to my husband, he gets extremely mad and tells me that I am calling him a bad dad--totally off from what I am saying. He is a good dad but where is that point where he can't handle it anymore and goes off again?
I guess my questions are:
1. How am I suppose to try and help someone when they don't want it or think they need it?
2. Will bp effect my child? Sometimes I feel like I need a tranquilizer to be able to deal with him...will my child feel the same?
3. If he leaves again, I am not taking him back...is that wrong?
4. If he will lie about taking the med, what else is he lying about?
5. Is there something I am doing to set him off that I need to stop doing? I only talk to him in between commercials right now and do all the housework/kid work myself...is there something else?
Lots of questions...thanks!

I don't have any answers per say, only the life experience of having lived with someone BP.

1. You can't help someone who does not want or think they need help, end of statement. Even if they did want it, all you can do is be supportive. You cannot fix this because you did not break this. His illness is not your fault, nor is it your cause. If you try to help him when he's manic and thinks you are the worst person he's ever met in his life, the only thing you will do is wear yourself down.

2. Yes, it will affect your child no matter how you and your SO try to hide it. Children pick up on the changes, no matter how subtle, in mom and dad. BP is hereditary, so it may affect your child in that way as well. You may very well need to see your doctor and ask about a depression med or sedative for yourself to help you deal. I did, and it worked.

3. Only you can decide if taking him back if he leaves again is wrong or not. Only you know how much you can stand and how much your heart can take. Only you can determine how much disruption you can handle.

4. The lying blows my mind. My SO was devout and extremely stern on us not lying to each other when we first got together (he had been cheated on several times before he and i got together), so we strove daily to be completely honest with each other. He now lies about taking his meds. He lies about phone calls, and he's had an affair, which he's lied about. I'm not comparing and I'm not saying that your SO would do the same.

5. I'd dare say no, you are not doing anything to trigger him; however, you may want to do some reading about how to talk with your bp spouse, especially when they are manic. I know there are triggers, but when my SO is manic i was his bullseye and the shear fact that i was breathing pissed him off so badly that he would rant and rave and leave the house. so no, typically you dont do anything to set him off except be in existance.

I do not say these things to discourage you or hurt your feelings. if nothing else, you can see that his attacks on you are not personal ....how can they be personal when they are a carbon copy of so many others out there? BP is a cruel illness that affects everyone in the family. i have suffered, my daughter has suffered and my so has suffered. he has lied and cheated. he has said some of the most vile things to me. i have not had a tear free day since september. i work two jobs that BARELY keep our heads above the water. i do all the house work and he still demands WHY ARE THE DISHES DIRTY??!? all situations are different i know and again, im not trying to discourage you, im just letting you know that you are not alone in your suffering. my situation has not ended well sadly. i had to leave and i will not go back to be abused. i cannot physically or mentally handle it anymore. the future may be different, i hope so because i still love him dearly. i hope all goes well with you and your SO, but please, dont get caught up in the wake of his distruction. take care of yourself and your child.