Bipolar Depression

Just got in from a night at the Hospital, my Psychiatrist friend is on call tonight and I hadn't seen him for ages. We had a chat about my husband over a game of chess and he told me that staying away for the time being was the best possible way to deal with the situation as we wait for that crash.

Things have a got a little complicated with this friend and me - he has fallen for me in a big way and if I'm honest the attention is good. He held me tonight and it felt good, I've not had any intimacy with anyone for what seems like a year, it probably is come to think about it. I feel guilty but at the same time I told him that I wasn't going to sleep with him and he had to respect my boundaries if he wanted to remain friends and see me again. He agreed. I am attracted to him too, but realise that at this time in my life I am vulnerable and need to look after No 1. He made me promise that if I do waver in the future then I will at least tell him. I am flattered that I am desired by such an intelligent man, one that can clearly see that I am not mad. This is also reminds me that if things don't work out between me and my husband then I will be OK. I met another guy yesterday (a multi-millionaire!!) when I was out with my mum-in-law and she said that it was clear that he had taken a shine to me and quite right too. She wants me to stay with her son but at the same time she wants me to be happy and is fine about the fact that I may still have to walk away.

I'm feeling more positive now but I don't know how long it will last. Life is still lonely though, I long to cuddle up with someone in bed again while I drift off into an easy peaceful sleep...

I'm sorry but I had to confess.

Bev,

Your psychiatrist friend is right...definitely stay put & wait. I think you handled his affections well too. You need your boundaries, especially now. I'm sure you'll be fine should you and your husband end things. However, I understand your loneliness at night. When hubby isn't around for bedtime, I get sad sometimes. Your feelings are valid & I'm glad your friend is able to help you feel that way.

BYD

Thank you for your understanding as ever. I continue to clean up our house and pack so during the day it isn't too bad. The problems are always there at night...

My husband was meant to lodge his Court papers on monday and hasn't. This is because he doesn't want to say anything nasty about me - there isn't anything nasty for him to say as I haven't done any of it. He wants me to drop the charges and have his parents help me with the house and to sort out a divorce. His mum thinks that this a double bluff and I need to hold my ground. The divorce thing he has to stick to as he keeps on telling everyone that the problems are all marital. If they weren't then he'd have to admit that they are caused by his illness. His mum thinks that he's still in love with me but can't say that to anyone so by trying to push my hand then I might agree to the one thing that would let him off the hook - I'd be blamed if I divorced him right now and I'm not going to give him the control back. I realise that he is still trying to control and manipulate me even now and quite frankly I am not going there anymore.

Hope you are ok. X

I am doing well. Some days are easier than other. Today & yesterday have been good. Hubby has been in a brighter mood. He's watching a Clint Eastwood movie now & it's keeping him happy. I'm so sleepy...bedtime is coming shortly. I'm giving him his Spanish lesson tomorrow night, so that should keep things in good spirits.

It sounds like you're seeing things more clearly than you were when you first joined this site! Sometimes it takes time to see things in a better/more useful light. It sounds like you're holding your ground and not giving into your husbands' desires at this time. Great job! Here's hoping you keep sticking it out.

BYD

Just thought I'd touch base. My husband's statement has arrived and it is full of lies and inaccuracies. I am hurt and angry at the same time. He denies that he is Bipolar in it, I don't know if I can even be bothered with him anymore. It's like dealing with a sulky whinging child and it's making me tired.

I know I should remember that all this is natural but I feel like I'm being stabbed repeatedly in the heart as soon as the pevious wound heals...

quote:

Does it ever get better or should I just walk away? I am only 29 and we have no children so I guess I am lucky than most. His illness has nearly destroyed me as a person, luckily I am of a strong nature and have some fantastic friends and family. Having said all this I think people are getting sick of this whole saga. What happens next? Does this awful manic ever stop? Are there any other ways I could get him help. I still love my husband even though he clearly hates me so much. I'm trying to stay away from at the moment, should I just get on with my half-life and wait for him to crash? Sorry that this is so long but I have been needing to write this for a long time. I would appreciate any suggestions that anyone has as I'm now running out of ideas and beginning to lose the will to continue my fight. Bi-polar destrys many lives not just the Sufferer, and I will always hate this illness with a passion. It has robbed us of our future.

Wow, yes, you and I do sound Scary-alike! Right down to the age. These are thoughts that I have every day! I know it's not just me now! But my friends are getting sick of the saga, too. They can only be supportive for so long before I feel like they get sick of me and my drama. I have lost most of my friends, due to him showing up at their houses and throwing fits, forbidding me to talk to them, etc. I really feel like if he won't go to the doctor then this is just going to have to end. As hard as a divorce will be to go through I HAVE TO FOCUS ON A BETTER FUTURE! Maybe you should too?

Bev:

Just wanted to thank-you for being there for me on here--and I'm also here for you.

I'm praying for you daily--I'm glad things are going better for you. And I admire and honor you for wearing your wedding ring and staying hopeful.

Stay encouraged--stay strong--and stay being Bev!

Hi Guys

It's brought a tear to my eye reading what both of you have written here. I am still staying hopeful but I also now know that if this doesn't work out then I will have to walk away. To be honest with you, my parents will not tolerate me getting back together with him but then I married him against their wishes anyway - I fell in love with a person who happens to be of a different race to me but I stood my ground and I guess that's why I'm still rooting for my ill husband.

I've been out in London tonight, just got back. An old flatmate of mine took me to see a Mexican Duo called Rodriguez, they play the most brilliant guitar tunes, ones you can dance to. I think they've just toured the US. My friend did say that it was good to see me behaving more like the old me again. I too hadn't really seen any of my friends as all I could do was ensure that my husband was looked after and happy. Sometimes he would behave in ways that were embarassing too when we were with others. Recently, he had started hating all of my friends, he'd tell me to run back to my posh friends in London when he got cross.

I have a life back, I hope your lives improve too. You are all in my prayers and thank you for your support and friendship. Love and good wishes to you all.

Bev:

Hi, back at ya!

I had a "guitar experience" last night as well. My oldest son, sang and played guitar at church last night. He led the "praise and worship" music. Everyone in the congregation was clapping and I was sitting there crying. I was so happy to see him sing to the Lord. I wish his mother would have been there to hear him. He really is an amazing young man--his self-esteem has been greatly damaged. But, when he's behind a guitar, his true self emerges. It was the greatest gift I ever gave him when I gave him a guitar for his 16th birthday. It has changed his life for the better. It's serving to build his self-confidence after living most of his life under intense and mis-guided criticism.

Maybe one day, Bev, you'll pick up a CD in the store and it will be my son! (He's not that good; but, a Dad can dream can't he?).

GSUSLVZ

It's great that your son can use his talents to praise the Lord. I think my own faith keeps me going and I really do hope that oneday I will buy your son's CD even here in the UK.

I'm still being affected by my husban's illness. His father finally called me yesterday after having no contact with me for 6 weeks! Bascically he was calling to get me to drop the court case, apparently my husband still loves me and now doesn't want a divorce. However, after discovering that my husband has sold our car(on which I am still paying off a loan), together with the fact that he won't even talk to the loan companies, I'm starting to think that actually I don't want to be with him anymore. His Bipolar has made him a lying, cheating manipulator and I'm not sure I could live with this for the rest of my life.

I was out again last night. I actually met up with an ex of mine, who I tend to see for a drink a couple of times a year. He is married too but if I'm honest there is chemistry there and I like his company. I had a lovely night and feel more alive today than I have done in a very long time. I say again that this illness sucks all the life out of you and then all you have is numbness. I am desperate to start feeling again and appreciating all of those sparkles that life throws at you. I will embrace the good times again with open arms. I am happy to support my husband but I have decided that I want nothing more to do with him until he starts taking his meds.

Hello All, been on this site but I have been posting elsewhere, so I thought I should update here. My husband telephoned me for the first time on the 26th, only to manipulate me into dropping the court case. Didn't work though.

I am cross tonight as I have had to deal with his madness for 3 hours via text message. I have just got an offer of full asking price for our house and now he's playing silly beggers about paying our debts off. I had to call his dad tonight to try and get him to see sense. We either pay off all the debts from the procedds or we go bankrupt and our assets ie the house money is still used to pay the same debts off. Makes perfect sense to me but for my pain of a husband this isn't too clear. God I'm sick of it all and he still makes me think like this when we are living apart

I went back to work today and got praised for the way I look and how I behaved - I shone. I work in sales so I guess that's important Then I get home, find out that I will get another 5K for our house and then the c**p started... It's so obvious that my husband still isn't well as he is being mega difficult. I pray for the day for peace to retuen to my life again. Take care all of you and God Bless.

I have just read my post here and I can't quite believe that it's my story that I am reading...

Needless to say that I am in a better place now, although my husband remains unwell and still not taking any meds. We are not together and I will file for divorce soon - that's the sad bit as still love someone that was the man I married but to me he died when Bipolar came in...

Hi Bev!

Welcome back to the forum! I feel so badly for you and what has become of your marriage, although I admire you and what you are doing for yourself. I hope you don't feel any guilt for what you are doing, because you need to take care of you right now.

Will your husband ever take his meds? It is doubtful, unless he gets himself into a situation in which he is FORCED to take them. My husband would commit little crimes, get arrested, go to jail and behave bizarrely. The jailers would notice the odd behavior and a psychiatrist would be consulted, and they would give my husband psychotropic meds. After about a month of this, my husband would return to "normal" and we could carry on with our lives.

Sadly, he would go off his meds when he felt better, and that left him at the mercy of a simple, every-day stressor to send him back into a manic state. I would not stay with him anymore, after a period of time, and we remained married but living in separate apartments. This arrangement worked well enough, but it just kept me trapped in a relationship with no intimacy and feelings of guilt if I met someone I was attracted to.

In the end, my husband died from COPD and psychotic mania, and although it was very difficult for me (and my son), I think Bill is in a better place now, and I have been able to get on with my life. Had he not died, I feel certain that we would have gotten a divorce.

You hang in there and keep up the good work. I am so proud of you for sticking by your guns and doing what was right for you. So many spouses of bipolar people stay in the relationship, even after it has gotten violent and abusive. It is very painful to witness.

Take good care and know that you are not alone,

Kay

I haven't been on here for ages as I thought I was coping quite well and I know I have done very well but I still get doubts. I have finally started divorce proceedings, and it was my BP husband that triggered it. I hadn't spoken to him since last October, not seen him since last July and he called me up 48 hours ago and was his usual demanding self and ended up getting abusive. He is not only BP but I found out from his PsychDoc last November that he is a Sociopath as well - not good. What triggered it all off for me again was him saying that he pitied (sociopaths do not know the meaning of such emotion by the way so this is very ironic) the next guy I ended up with as I am such a "f**king bitch"!! I pity the poor 24 year girl that he is ruining now, he is nealy 39 and a loser as far as I'm concerned.

This website helped me through my darkest hours and if you are reading this because you are new here then I urge you to stay strong, you can and will get through it. There is a glimmer of light now. I am hoping that the divorce will go through as he is with someone, he can obsess with her and not me then. I also went and saw my own Dr and next week I will see a PsychDoc to get myself sorted out. Being with a BP with personality issues has been really tough and I know I have to be strong to emerge out of what has been the worst expereince of my life so far. Thank you for reading whoever you are!!

My heart goes out to you and I hope things are going to get better for you.