Bipolar Depression

Well, well , well... I saw a Psych Nurse today, and it turns out that they are trying to discourage me from making a complaint about them all including my husband's rubbish psychiatrist, who apparently is so good that I was never allowed to speak to her when his diagnosis of Bipolar was made. They are still dithering over with the diagnosis is correct or whether it's caused by the dope smoking. I reminded them that substance abuse together with the violent rages are all symptoms of this illness. God, how stupid are these people? This nurse didn't have a clue but did say that my husband is due to be re-assessed tomorrow and that I should have a meeting with his Psychiatrist - finally we're getting somewhere (I hope).

I have found more evidence today written by my husband that he has been ill for ages, one refers to him being high on life not being able to sleep etc - Manic phase perhaps? Another refers to him wanting to boil one of my bunny rabbits alive in a pan - Psychotic, Disturbing and Sick Perhaps?!!!!!! And they still don't think that any of this is strange. I'd be thankful if they just gave him an injection of medication as they know that compliance will be an issue for my husband. Had they done that last month then some of our problems could have been dealt with. I just keep everything crossed for tomorrow and pray that this is the begining of the end, can but hope...

April 29th is your anniversary? It's my birthday! I turned 32 yesterday. Interesting... I know it's hard to try to move on without your husband. I can't imagine the pain you've experienced. However, it appears that you're moving on with your life as well. It's great that you have friends on whom you can lean as well. I'm still friends w/ 2 of my ex-bf's & they're great sounding blocks. They have an insight into our psyche that even our dearest friends don't have. It's crazy!

I'm glad that things are looking up. Hang in there!

BYD

Happy Belated Birthday and thanks again for posting. Things are looking up for me in that I amtrying to move on with my life the best I can.

My husband did go to the Psych today but as his Dr had to do an emergency call, he couldn't see her and he refused to see her Junior as he hates her, a bit like he hates me still. He hates everyone that has clocked him and his illness!!! Apparently he has another appointment but I may get to see his Psych now before he does.

My mother-in-law spoke to her ex today who has also developed a hatred for me - brainwashed by his Bipolar Son. Apparently, my husband is completely calm and happy. Yes he might be, but he is trying to sell his car as he needs £10K for his hair-brained business idea. Manic or what? But then his father wouldn't see that as he remains in awe of his son. I think my father-in-law has some sort of personality disorder as he is quite odd to and I don't mean that in a cruel or nasty way, it's just an observation as he also lacks insight.

Thx for the b-day wishes! It was a good one. Had fun with family.

It stinks when family members aren't supportive. It's too bad your husband's father won't see things for what they are. Just try to stay in touch with MIL (mother-in-law) & see if you can keep tabs on husband until you're safe and on your own.

Hang in there. You can do it!

BYD

Just thought I'd touch base as I haven't been here for a little while. Had a few harrowing days considering what I have found written down by my husband. In a depressed state he says that he doesn't think that life is worth living - it's awful!! I also found cards that we'd sent to each other which showed that we did have good times once. I ended up sending a text to my husband saying only nice things but I got no reply - speaks volumes really and makes my lonliness worse. A bit of good news, we have found a house to buy and the offer has been accepted so I won't be homeless. Wish I could just share my life with my man... although I know that he has been messed up for ages and I probably don't even know him.

Hi Bev...good to hear from you. Listen, you need to know that you can't work your husband's program or tend to his needs. You can only tend to your own because that is all you can control. Your husband has to learn to take control of his bipolar disorder. You can't do it for him!

I've been reading a really good book called "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder." It's an interactive book and has helped me look at the cycle of the disorder. I have a journal that I write in about his moods and my feelings about them. The book recommends you do this so that you can get your feelings out on paper. It's very cathartic. I've been able to share the book with my H who has been reading along with me. Not only does the book help you deal with the cycle, it helps you see how to prevent certain portions of the cycle. I'm still reading, but thought that perhaps it would help you. (http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Someone-Bipolar-Disorder-Julie/dp/1572243422)

If you get a chance to read it, please let me know what you think. It may give insight into what you're experiencing. I know it has helped me understand more about the disorder itself. Also remember that your H will ALWAYS have bipolar disorder...it never goes away.

Congrats on closing on your house! That's great. I know it's a huge relief.

BYD

Thanks for the the book details. I tried ordering it but had issues as it was saying that my card wasn't recognised by amazon. I will persevere nonetheless. I have already started writing about what is happening with us etc and you are so right it does make you feel better as I can vent my anger through words onto the paper. This is a priceless exercise and I think that we should all do it.

I went to another wedding on saturday and met another lady who has had a similar experience to mine with a previous partner. We spoke at great length and I ound out that she now works for 4 hours every sunday with a mental health service in London in the neighbouring borough to the one where my husband is living.

The information I have received has been the best so far. I was told that we cannot help our Bipolar husbands, they need to be helped in an objective manner and this is why I need to distance myself further. She confirmed that it is very common for BPs to be very manipulative and they do this with all and sundry - so it is a symptom and not a characteristic of my husband's alone. She also told me that it is common practice to set boundaries for Bipolar sufferers and this is what often helps recovery. She suggested that my husband is riling against me at the moment because for the first time in his adult life someone has put their foot down and said NO! She said that I should be proud of what I have done not feel guilty - I don't anymore... I understand now that my husband was pushing me to see how far I would go and was actually asking me to draw the line in some warped way. It is obvious that he is still crying out for help. Apparently help is there and I have got some ideas now on what I need to do next and who I need to speak to.

I have been doing more clearing today and found that my husband had printed off lots of info on depression last October from the website of the British Psychological Society ( heavy detailed stuff), I also found a post-it note in the back of a book written by him that suggests that one of the things he thinks he has is Bipolar and that it should be considered. It also describes his despair and how he hates his life etc. Shouldn't people be taking this all seriously? This clearly shows that my husband does have some insight into his condition and how he feels sometimes. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? What have you done with such information? I worry that I now have a ticking Timebomb.

Even though we are apart and I have my peace back the problem doesn't go away like I wish it would sometimes but my marriage vows still stand. There's been an article in the press that talks about the founder of Jimmy Choo shoes having been married to a Bipolar guy whom she has now divorced. Her husband's behaviour rings true with that of mine where he would always lose things, needed to be looked after at all times and had no control with money. These people are multi-millionaires and whilst we were no way near we had a combined income of over £100K a year gross and now we have nothing as the debt takes its stranglehold and this I find suffocating. He still doesn't seem to care or want to take any responsibility.

Rant and moan over so you guys can all wake up again - sorry for going on.

Bev...so glad to hear that you're becoming more informed and you sound much healthier. Things here are becoming more stable as I learn more about my husband's condition. I'll post more soon.

BYD

More twists and turns. I went to see the GP today and got signed off for another month. I'm getting better but I'm still very tired and run down. Still losing weight although I've started eating again. I was cross after see this Dr as he was the guy I saw when I took my husband to the GP in february. I begged him for a referral to the hospital but he never did it. He said to me today that I was doing the right thing trying to get help for my husband but there was nothing that they could do to help. We just need to wait for another crisis when he is hospitalized again. Great just what I wanted to hear. I came home and cried because surely this shouldn't be my job? What's the point in having professionals if they don't do anything to help? I'm fed up to the back teeth with the Mental Health System in this country and this is coming from someone who has served on a local council and wants to go to parliament - I still have my dreams.
What hope do normal people have? It's unfair and out of order that people with mental illness are not dealt with in the same way as someone with diabetes (another chemical inbalance of the body).

Hi Bev...

It would be nice if health providers could see mental disorders the same way as physical problems. Please pick up a copy of a book for the partner of a bipolar person. The one I mentioned is good as well as others out there. It really will give you some insight into your role in all of this. Sometimes I have to step back & re-evaluate the way I'm handling things.

Something that happened today: Hubby was visiting family in a town 30 minutes away. He called me at work while in a grocery store parking lot, stating that he was too afraid to drive home. I ended up having to stay on the phone with him for 15 minutes (luckily, my job is pretty flexible) just to get him from the parking lot to the local highway (motorway). I worried that he wouldn't make it home & although he did, he said someone pulled out in front of him on the highway & he almost plowed into him. *sigh*

Keep posting...it helps me to know what you're experiencing so that I know what I'm feeling is "normal" for the partner of a bipolar person.

BYD

Feel devastated today. Went to see my Husband's Psych Nurse who showed me a letter from his Psych Dr to our GP about last week. Basically, he has denied evrything that he has done and said that he has never been ill and wasn't even when he was admitted to the hospital. He is now calling me his estranged wife and that too breaks my heart and I'm now asking myself why I am still so bothered with him. They said that he was neither depressed or manic but I know that he only went to the Psych last week so he could exonorate himself, it's part of his clever Bipolar Manipulative Plan. He won't take his meds and if that's his plan then he is going to have to face the full force of the law next month. They are going to leave his case open and think that we just have to wait for a crash to happen.

Interestingly it was mentioned today that my husband could have narcissitic personality disorder and this is something I have suspected for the last 6 months as well. Knowing this doesn't mean that it gets any easier. I also got told that my husband said that he didn't love me anymore and this is what hurts the most. I have done everything for him and quite frankly this is typical Bipolar Behaviour. What I am sick off is the fact that everyone keeps on focusing on our marriage when it isn't that at all. Maybe I should just file for divorce and get it over and done with? It's easier said than done though. Is this normal? I think I'm getting on top of things and then I get kicked again. I just want to be loved like I used to be...

Don't rush any decisions right now. Perhaps a divorce is in the cards, but right now, you need to worry about yourself. It's really sad that your husband is calling you his "estranged" wife. I'm sure he's doing that to upset you. His reality is so far away from what you're seeing that anything he says or does will seem irrational to you. Please don't take these things personally any more than you have to. Your husband is not well.

I'm not saying that so that you'll hang onto a possibly impossible relationship. However, I've jumped into decisions and regretted it a great deal in the past. I've learned that as long as I'm safe, I usually do well to take my time.

I hope this helps, Bev. You're in my thoughts.

BYD

Thank you sweetie, I know you are right. Hasty decisions are usually full of regret so I know I have to wait. I am safe away from him so waiting isn't so bad. I helped his best friend move house yesterday. He hasn't been in contact with him either which is very telling. We both agreed that we would just wait for his crash, which I know will come eventually...

His mum spoke to him yesterday when she called up her ex, she says that he has his head burried in the sand about everything. Thinks that all will be fine without having to lift a finger. He didn't ask about me but then that's no surprise. He's going out to gigs like he's still a teenager, he's nearly 38!! Oh and apparently he's on a health kick, now why would you want to do that if you were completely well and fine as that's whathe tells us?!

I still remain frustrated and lonely even as I continue to lead my life. Went out last night and going out again tonight. It's not the same though, I do miss my husband though but not Mr BP from Hell and I have remember that I've not had the normal him for an eternity anyhow.

It's the deadline for him to lodge his response to the Courts on monday. Not too worried as it will all be full of lies.

It never feels "fair" to have to deal with a bipolar person's illness. It just plain sucks that we have to deal with their irrational thoughts and cover up for them or hide from them. I can totally relate. Sometimes H does things & I just flush red. I don't think he thinks about certain things before he does/says them.

I know it's hard to be patient, but that's about all you can do at this point. Keep me posted!

BYD

Things seem to be moving on a bit. Apparently his father is giving him money - is this sensible? My father says that he wouldn't give me anything if it was me but then my dad is one of the most together people I know!!

His mum told me that she's been told that my husband is sighing a lot etc - could this mean that he is finally coming down? He wants to sort our situation as well but by using his parents. My husband hasn't been completely honest about the injunctions that are in place - no surprise there really. I'm not going to give in and he still needs those boundaries.

My mum-in-law has told her ex that she thinks that my husband's family has treated me really badly and that they owe it to me and my parents to treat me with respect after everything I've done for their son. I went out last night. Met two people with links to BP. One person had gone out with a girl (a Dr) for a year who turned out to be BP and another guy's cousin actually had to be sectioned on holiday because of BP - he used to smoke a lot of weed, another successful person. This seems to be the pattern - all these people are highly intelligent but it reminded me that BP is a lot more common than I think.

One good thing - really starting to like the way I look now, slimmer and prettier, I have my husband's BP to thank for that. Self-esteem is up too...