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I have known and have been taking meds for bipolar disorder for several years. My father is also bipolar, needless to say growing up with a bipolar father was and still is hard. In fact we just had an argument an hour ago and i feel down. The funny thing is he is the only one who can make me feel like i am nothing. I don't want you to get the wrong idea he is a good father but he has poor communication skills when talking about any subject and we usually always end up in arguments. He tries to give good advice or input but has a horrible way of doing so and also with my mother and 2 sisters which aren't bipolar. It is really hard to talk to someone you confide in and you know were its going to lead. He takes meds but is very isolated and has nor wants any hobbies and that is the way he wants it. I on the other hand like to do things with friends and get out of the apartment but i don't have many friends and i live in a small town so that makes things a little worse. I have a girlfriend that lives out of state and this has been going on for 8 years and at this point i really can't feel any love for her as it makes me feel i wasn't worth being around as the excuses she has used for not being with me in the past were lame. Me and my father are on disability, i am thinking of trying to go back to work but am very scared as it has been 7 years since i was employed but the up note is the job considered is from an old employer who out of all my work history i enjoyed working with the most. The down note of the job is over the road truck driver but i would be home every weekend. This job is out of state but it seems worth it financially but sucks as i wouldn't get to see my family and what few friends i do have and last but certainly not least my daughter. My ex-girlfriend whom i have a daughter with is a whole other story, she is vendictive and i believe has a mental illness herself but is in denial.As you can see i got alot of bricks on my shoulders but the one thing i do notice about myself is i like to get out and enjoy life with people, at times i struggle to make conversation and have feelings that i'm uncomfortable but i tell myself it will pass and usually does, my bipolar is not near a severe as my dads.My dad can take spells were he is working on or in the house or outside for weeks or even months and yet 2 summers ago he wouldn't leave his own bedroom only to eat and use the bathroom and didn't speak to anyone much for a whole 3 maybe 4 months. I am 36 and that has yet to happen to me and dad is 62 and he has had those long spells of ups and downs since his late 20's, my dad also quit talking to people outside the family in his 30's, i on the other hand would love to talk to people. But its hard to find people to talk to or do things with that aren't on drugs or drink around here. I have a beer once in a great while but i will not make it an everyday occurrence. I believe if i wasn't so worried about child support payments i would try to go to work tomorrow but i had problems before with my ex as she see's me as a money train and tries to put my life in hell as if things aren't bad enough.Sorry for writing so much i just felt like spilling my guts and didn't care how it comes out just as long as it is out of my system at least for a day. I am tired of sitting in an apartment all day with nothing to do all tho i do get out at least once a day. It is tough when you have bipolar but it makes it a little tougher when your poor with bipolar and live in poor small town were nothing goes on.
wow. you have a lot on your plate. But it sounds like you have a lot going for you too. You like being around people and that is great. Going to work would probably make you feel good so you could be around others (even if you would be a truck driver), and can feel good about helping with child support payments. Its too bad about your dad, he must really be struggling and its sad he has not found the right meds to help him. I can relate to his isolationist tendencies. Sounds like you need a new girlfriend, I bet there are some nice women in your area who would love to go out with a nice guy like you. Take Care.
Thnxs for your uplifing reply. I am going to do my best to change my life around and they say you must face your fears to get over them so that is what i am going to do, scary but it must be done. Thanks again.
Marv, Hang in there. I have bp, I'm divorced. My dad is in bad health and I have been laid off and fired. A couple of times. I have three kids. I'm 47. Here's my take: Take small steps. Each day. Make a small list. Each day. Work toward goals. Job. Exercise. Health. Sleep. Pills. Kathleen is right. Getting a job will make you feel good. You could get a "bridge" job until you find what you really want. Get your health going better, mental and physical, then start the dating. You can pick up real quickly if a woman is going to be high- maintenance or materialistic or not. If she is, goodbye. You don't need that kind of hassle in your life. You need less stress. I'm trying to say: It takes time. But you can do it. Like my dad says, you have to take care of yourself. And your family. But if you're not healthy, you can't care for others. Good luck, buddy.
