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My husband has been so horrible for so long I am losing my mind, one minute he is so sweet and loving, within hours or days he looks at me like he would like to kill me. His eyes are so black and he is so mean and cold. He has had affairs in the past but only one when he was married to me that I know of, Lord knows that is enough. His sister recently told me out of 11 siblings there are 5 diagnosed with lithium deficiency and bipolar which gives me hope that we have a reason for the way he is but will this ever get any better. He wants to get involved in depth with different sex things I guess you would say, he spends time hiding the fact that he chats with other women, he has numerous accounts on the internet that he uses to keep it from me. He wants to have us get into the lifestyle of swaping and I dont want to so now he says he is going to experiment without me whether I like it or not. He wants to get into BDSM I hope you all know what that is because I am too exhausted to explain it. We are seeing a counselor seperately for now but not sure she is qualified to deal with this. We have 7 kids between us and the 2 youngest are graduating from highschool in May. He has told me he thinks after they are gone he will leave as he doesnt love me. Then he gets sad a day or 2 later and says he loves me and he cant go on without me and that it will all work out. Then he changes again, he tells me I am making him feel confined to a box and he wants to live alone. He has shut out our kids and grandkids. He loved going to the kids school functions and now this year he finds any and every excuse he can. No matter what he talks about it turns into an argument and then he tells me I am off on a tangent if I remotely respond to him. He has purchased anything from lightbulbs, family movies that NO one in our house would want, to book clubs, to male enhancements. We have had to let our home go which was too expensive anyway and have had to file bankruptcy in the last year. He has an appt. with the VA in March (earliest we can get). He use to read scripture at church, sang in the choir and loved to go and now he says he isnt going doesnt believe in God and never has. Please help me, does this sound like bipolar, I am going insane with the ups and downs, I want the kids graduation to be a happy time but I am so depressed trying to deal with this all that I am on anti-depressant and am so tired. I cant even enjoy the kids last months in school. HELP ME
I would say that, in my experience, this definitely sounds like bipolar. The mood swings, he seems to be cycling quite rapidly. The interest in sexual things and other women. I am surprised your counselor has not asked him or referred him to a Pscyhiatrist. If you could get him to one and get a proper diagnosis and get him on some meds, it might help. Read the other posts on here from the spouses of BP people, you will see we all go through the same things, almost exactly the same things. This forum and all the posts on here will help you to understand a lot if he is BP, but I would say your first step is to try to get a dignosis and get him on meds.
Thank you so much, I am sure you have an idea how relieved I am to hear I am not alone in this. We are going to a counselor seperately and NO she has never mentioned for him to go to a Pscyhiatrist, I tried to tell her I really thought it was bipolar and she said she thought it was adult ADHD and a sex addiction. One of our daughters is in the medical field and she has said all along that she felt it was bipolar. I am almost scared to go home at times, as I dont know what I am walking into. I thought maybe it was the influence of his new BDSM friends online that he was so demanding of his rights. I miss him so terrilby and so do our kids. He is so tired all the time and unmotivated. One of our older daughters is coming this weekend and although I want them to have a nice visit I want them to see the side we live with so they know it is the truth. One month he went from using maybe 60 txt msgs on his phone to 1050 to people in the BDSM lifestyle is what he told me. Let me ask, do I believe anything he promises? He acts so sincere when he promises he will be faithful but I dont know. I use to be such a secure strong woman now I am a mess.
Sorry, I don't know about docs in Nebraska, but maybe do a bit of internet searching, there are websites for mental health that list providers in each state.
I would say, that particularly if several of his brothers and sisters have been diagnosed bipolar, there is a very high likelihood that he is to. Bipolar is genetic, bad news, I am sorry to tell you, is that any of your children are also likely to have it.
I understand how you feel, living with BP wears you down and grinds you down until you are a shadow of yourself. That is why a lot of us end up having to remove ourselves from the situation for our own self-preservation.
With my husband - unmotivated, absolutely, except for things he likes to do. When he is manic, he will do extreme sports, ultra distance running and cycling, stuff like that, but a lot of the time he will also spend lying on the couch, wanting to be waited on hand and foot. He can't/won't make any kind of plan for our life. I don't think it ever even occurs to him that he is 47 years old, and he won't be able to work for ever and then what happens?
The sex and women thing - this is my take on it. It is part of the manic stage and it is called hypersexuality. When in this cycle they will do extreme things, like sports which I mentioned earlier, and they will also want a lot of sex and want to be associated with sexual things. My husband has surfed the personals on the internet in front of me. I have had dating services call my home. He has been unfaithful on several occasions. I have found disgusting emails he has written to other women etc. etc. etc.
I think that when they say they will be faithful, they probably want to be, because they know if will ruin everything, but unless they get their illness under control, I would sincerely doubt their ability to do so.
You will see a lot written in these forums about the BP person being willing to control and understand his/her illness. That is because, no one else can do it for them and if they don't or aren't willing to take responsbility for their illness and do everything they can to control it, it will lead to all the things you mention, and will destroy the lives of those around them.
This has helped thanks, today is a very bad day, have been home with everyone for a snow day yesterday and he is sick and running temp. But I get to work today and more $$ not much has been withdrawn from acct. for male enhancements, I blew and called and yelled at him which got kids upset, I blew it. He agreed to go to a dr. in Lincoln on Monday the 11th and now I am afraid he will cancel, now that I blew up at him. I am losing my mind, I cry all the time and feel like I could have an anxiety attack at any moment, then they will take me away.....and it is not me, but sometimes I start to think it is. Fortunately we dont have any kids together so I wont have to worry about genetics for my kids, but I consider his as mine. He told me this morning that unfortunately I need to get use to the drama if I want to stay with him or leave. I never know if he really means this or is this the BP, especially since we are not sure, but I have a gut feeling it is. Everything and every sign is there. Has your husband ever told you that he wanted a divorce and doesnt love you? I could throw up. My son who is a senior just called and wanted to know what in the world was going on, I feel I am losing my son through all of this. Baby
Sorry you are having a bad day. From what I know BP's tend to fall into two different catagories. One is the one's that are always leaving or threatening to leave. When they do leave, they nearly always come back once the mani is over. The second category doesn't ever leave, you can't get rid of them even if you try Of course, they make your life hell even still. My husband falls into the second category. He has never asked for a divorce or told me he doesn't love me, but he sure has acted like it. When I was with him he would belittle me, disrespect me, leave all responsbility to me, in and out of jobs, partying and drinking heavily even though he is on meds and not supposed to drink, other women, preoccupation with sexual things (internet etc.) This is the usual behaviour he shows, then once in awhile when he has a depressive episode, things turn around, because he needs me (like now). Even though we are separated, it is like he doesn't get it, and right now, because he is semi-depressed, he is being nicer than he ever has been. Probably hoping to win me back, I guess.
Your guy is right about the drama though, because unless he gets a grip on his illness, which he doesn't seem to be interested in right now, you will be on a rollercoaster at all times. This is why many of us choose to distance ourselves, because it is too destructive to us, especially when the BP won't take responsbility and control of his illness.
well we go see a psychiatrist on Monday, we are busy with his daughter coming this weekend and our son wrestling then his 50th birthday on Sunday so I am hoping we can keep him upbeat until Monday. He did say this morning that he is aware he has been mean to me and acted sorry but never said sorry. Thanks so much for your response it really helps to talk to you and the others, you hang in there and dont give in either, we are strong. Gods Blessings!
Of course, they make your life hell even still. My husband falls into the second category. He has never asked for a divorce or told me he doesn't love me, but he sure has acted like it. When I was with him he would belittle me, disrespect me, leave all responsbility to me, in and out of jobs, partying and drinking heavily even though he is on meds and not supposed to drink, other women, preoccupation with sexual things (internet etc.) This is the usual behaviour he shows, then once in awhile when he has a depressive episode, things turn around, because he needs me (like now). Even though we are separated, it is like he doesn't get it, and right now, because he is semi-depressed, he is being nicer than he ever has been. Probably hoping to win me back, I guess. 
