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I just found this group. Getting desperate on what my actions are. I was diagnosed just over a year ago. Sometimes things are going well, then I go into endless iterations of problems in my head. I sometimes just want to end this all and not deal anymore. But I have a wife and two kids. So I think of them and come back around. I don't like my wife anymore, she irritates me. She is trying very hard to help me through this for my sake, the family, and our marriage. I want to help, but I take everything too personal and my head starts to swim. I have come a long way, but lately in fact the last 3 days have been hell. It is now 3:16am, I have been up since 12:30 after going to bed at 10:00. Not good to screw up the sleep pattern for BP people I know. I am going to try and see my Dr. tomorrow. I feel sick and my head is sore from thinking. This is a bad illness. I have been a very successful business person for the last 20 years, but almost blew up from the pressure. That is when my wife noticed something was wrong. Sounded great on the phone one minute, confused, and angry then next minute.
The Dr. told me to stop my job for a bit and change carreers, she just thought I was stressed and gave me some antidepressants, which everyone knows kicks in the manic side of the puzzle. I calmed down for a few weeks and then went off the deep end. I found a shrink and she diagnosed BP. I said no way. She said sorry, but that is what you have. blah blah blah.
Well I am not doing good again, Driving off a cliff sounds about right. But I am sure I will not do anything, just talking, but my brain will not stop. Oh well, maybe I can get some sleep. Sorry to vent, but it does feel a little better. I need to find a local support group now. I can't do this by myself. I find myself going to movies alone, taking drives to other towns 1-2 hours away. I want to keep driving away further and further. That can't be good....... Good nite.
Sorry you're going through such a bad time right now, but you've got the right idea in finding a support group. Being with people going through the same changes really helps, and you'll be able to share information on doctors and medications as well.
Hang in there not just for your wife and kids' sakes, but for your own, too. It is possible to get stabilized with BP and have a good life.
Good luck with it all, and let us know how things go.
My husband hasn't been diagnosed with bp yet, but he suffers the depression and manic episodes. I've read everything I can get my hands on to educate myself. We've been to the doctor and he prescribed brupobin, which worked for the depression, but now he's in a vile manic episode that is so ugly all I can do is sit and hold my head in my hands and cry. He says he still loves me, but not like he should, and in the next breath he says he cant stand anybody or anything. I wont ever turn my back on him because I love him so very much, but I dont know how much more I can hang on. He pushes with one hand and pulls with the other. He cant stand me but he doesnt want me to leave and in the next breath he's dragging up everything I've ever done wrong since we met 5 years ago. Please, someone, am I alone?
You are not alone, so hang in there. I have gone through periods where I made lists of everything my husband did wrong. And yesterday, I was so irritable I told him he was irritating me just by being alive. Fortunately, I was able to recover the same day and apologize. My husband has been with me through many ups and downs over the last twenty-five years.
So give your husband a chance to get out of this manic episode before you give up. Most important is to get him to a psychiatrist because he needs a mood stabilizer that won't kick him into mania or depression. It may take more than one medication, and it may take time to get the dosage right, but he needs to get started right away in solving this problem.
I don't want to overload you with suggestions, but medication is not all that's necessary to function well with bipolar disorder. Has your husband seen a therapist? Newer methods like cognitive therapy should be helpful to him.
My newest therapist has suggested I attend DBT classes which focus on controlling moods and emotions through life coping exercises, etc. Only there are no openings in my area until December. There also doesn't seem to be a support group in my area even through the DBSA or NAMI. I also expressed this frustration to my newest therapist.
You'd think as prevalant as Major Depression and Bipolar apparently seem to be that there would be more groups. All I can find is Schizophrenia, Narcotics An., and Alcoholic An.
I've also decided to stop posting at Pendulum.org for their message board can get very profane and vulgar at times (a lot of times). This site lists them as a top website but it can get very vulgar sometimes.
I like posting here because everyone is very adult and respectful even in their most painful and despairing moments. No one feels the need to use 4 or 5 letter words.
Thank you for the post, it helps just to know that I'm not alone. My husband has not been to a therapist and is dead set against it. I've asked him if he would consider seeking a professional, but he says that they dont know him and he thinks they are just out to get his money. It makes him quite angry when I mention it, and we have so little "good" days together that I'm afraid to even mention it again. He has been talking with someone who suffers from pbd...a woman. And now he tells me that because she understand and I dont (because I dont have the illness) that he wants to be with her. We ran the gamet of emotions last night again. He told me that he still loves me, but not like the day we got married. He told me that if I would leave him and if the other woman wasnt married that they'd probably be together. I just dont accept that as fact because he will literally change what he says from one minute to the next. He says he wants me to go, and then turns around and asks me please dont go and to please not give up on him. He pushes and pulls at the same time. I told him that with or without me I wanted him to be well and get the treatment he needs, but there is little to no reasoning with him. I just can't and dont want to turn my back on him or on us, not when I know this is not him talking. Is anyone else in a similar situation?
Hangingon, I'm not in a similar situation but I can see how very hard on you this has to be. In the past I have been on both sides of where you are right now and niether side is all that fun. The only advice I can truly give is that no matter how much you love him and want to be there for him you have got to protect yourself. I'm not neccesarily talking about from physical violence. His pushing and pulling could very easily set you up to have a lot of emotional issues yourself and could damage you psychologically. I would suggest that if you intend to stay with him you might want to see a therapist yourself in order to have help coping, someone to vent to, someone to give you ideas on subtle ways to help him, etc. To safegaurd your sanity, so to speak. Just remember you can't help anyone if you don't help yourself.
