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I stumbled on this board by accident. I hope someone can help me because right now I don't know which way to turn. My husband has been diagnosed as bipolar. The meds he is on seem to be ok, I think, but I'm not sure.
A little history. My husband has always been a doting and loving father. Our kids always came first, even before me, and I was actually okay with that because he loved them so much.
He became disabled a few years ago after working too many years in the autobody industry & breathing too many paint fumes. He suffers from chronic migraines, and a host of other symptoms.
Well, a little over a year ago, he attempted suicide. This was about 6 months before he was diagnosed with bipolar. He hit the rock bottom part of BP, even though we didn't know that was what was happening at the time. Even after that, things got back to "normal" in our lives. He has talked about getting a motorcycle our entire marriage. A few months ago, I talked him into getting one. It pulled him out of his depression. But now, he has become obsessed with it. He is leaving me and the kids and going on bike rallies all of the time. He has become very ugly to me. He has these bouts of rage to the point that I could say the sky was blue & he would get mad about it. He doesn't hardly put in any time with the kids or me anymore. When he's not on his bike, he's on the internet. When I try to talk to him about it, he gets furious. He has completely changed. Everyone is telling me to divorce him. But I keep hoping, deep down inside of him, the man I love is still there. And every now and then, I get glimpses of him. But in a sad sort of way, it hurts worse sometimes when I see that, because it reminds me of the way he was. He got so mad at me a couple of weeks ago that he told me he was divorcing me.
The horrible part of it is, I still love him so much. And when he is in a rational mood, he says the same to me. I don't know whether to cut loose and me and our kids move some where, or whether to stick it out. It's coming to a crisis point, and I don't know what to do. He was seeing a psychiatrist, but he doesn't want to see her anymore. He's still got plenty of his meds, so that's not an issue right now. I guess I wonder if it's just the way he is now, or if it's the illness.
If it's the illness, I think I could stick through it. But if this is the way it is going to stay, I don't know if I can.
There's a huge hole in my heart, and I don't know which way to turn. There's no one for us to talk to together. He says I've treated him differently since the suicide attempt, and I suppose I have. I know I'm more cautious during his depressed times. Even though they don't drop as low as they used to.
I have people on one side telling me he's having an affair, and that is why he flip flops so much. We actually discussed that during one of of his rational times, and he assures me he's not. (Of course, I guess if he was doesn't mean he'd tell me, huh?)
I guess there aren't any answers. I just needed to talk to someone.
Whether it's his illness, he's having an affair, or he's going through a mid-life crisis. The only person you can control EVER is yourself, and to a certain extent, your children. You have to take care of yourself FIRST, not last. You also have to take care of your kids and right now, daddy sounds like he's toxic to you and to them. Maybe it's temporary, may be not. You'll always love him, that's fine. But that doesn't mean you lose yourself to the disease, too. Do what you have to do to take care of you and your kids physically and emotionally. If that means leaving for a while, or having him leave for a while, so be it. It doesn't mean you don't love him, it means you love yourself and your kids first.
I am bipolar and experience a great deal of irritability, anger and selfishness. I can't say if this is an "episode" your husband is having for sure, but I know I act that way and it is terrible for my spouse I'm sure. Not an excuse for him obviously, but I do think it could be the bipolar. She'll tell me how I'm acting and I agree, but I sometimes can't help myself. Don't know if that helps you or not.
It sounds pretty familiar. I agree that you have to take care of yourself first.
The first thing that comes to mind is that the medication isn't right. I hate to blame things on medication, and that's always an easy answer, but it's often a culprit.
Obsessive behaviors have always been a problem for me. It's a way to cope with the world by seeing it through the tunnel vision of the obsession. It can be as effective as drugs or alcohol for dealing with something like bipolar disorder. A genuine desire to change, and regular appointments with my pDoc helped me to recognize, and deal with, this problem.
