Bipolar Depression

I don't know where to begin so i'm just going to start writing. I know I suffer from some sort of depression but I don't understand what else is going on in my head. I'm 33 and have been taking Effexor for about 1 year. It has helped greately with irritability and my overall mood.

Over the last 6 months I don't feel right. I have 2 amazing kids (3 & 1) an awesome wife, a great job and I live in a city I love: with all that said for some reason i'm always looking for some form of escapism. I satisfied this urge for the last 2 years by playing online poker. I actually became very good and made a lot of money, so in my mind it was acceptable. Recently a bill was signed to make online poker illegal so I stopped playing. I've always had trouble getting full nights of sleep, never had problems falling to sleep but woke up constantly. I started taking Lunesta about a month ago and now all I want to do is go to sleep or be on my own. I just want to escape from eveyone and everything into my own world. It is definately starting to cause problems in my family relationships and i'm always looking for ecscuses to leave work and just go home to go to sleep.

I started taking nyquil as well as Lunesta and basically just look to escape from everything into my own world. I know something is wrong but I don't know what to do. I started seeing a psychiatrist but still don't have a diagnosis. I lose interest in things quickly, have trouble concentrating and internalize everything. I'm sick of feeling this way and don't kwow what to do about it. I was watching the movie 21 grams the other day and thought about what I would do if my wife and kids were killed in a car accident and I decided that I would become a full blown drug addict to just get away from everyone. I think i'm just reaching out to see if anyone else has had this type of situation and what you have done to solve it or make it better. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Jason,
Have you talked to your wife about any of this? I am sure that she has noticed a difference in your activities. Sometimes just talking about the little stuff can slowly open the gates for the bigger stuff to come out more easily. I think that it is very important that she understands what is going on, as much as you can explain.

Hi Connie. Thanks for the reply. I have had some discussions with my wife. I keep trying to tell her that my mood is not her fault and it is nothing she has done. I know she believes me but she is very sensitive and I still see that it bothers her. I can only imagine how she feels, but i'm sure if she was going through this I would think that I was causing it as well. I'm seeing a Dr. but just don't know how to handle this any longer. Have you had similar issues?

Hi Jason,
My first response was "no, I haven't felt anyhting like that." Then I thought for a minute more. Yes I do avoid things, I just do it differently. I bury myself in school work and in getting good grades. This way I don't have time to think about the "things" that bother me.

I think that in some cases avoidance can be good, but only after the issues have been dealt with. We can't dwell on the things that bother us, we can only work towards fixing them.

I am glad that you are seeing a professional about your feelings, that is a HUGE step in the right direction. What type of Dr. are you seeing? A therapist may be helpful for you too, you seem to be open to talking. Talking through feelings with someone that can guide you is invaluable. I am seeing a pychiatrist as well as a therapist and I think that therapy is just as helpful as the medication (I suffer from depression).

Probably sharing all of your feelings with your wife is the best thing you can do. You have to remember that you are not in this alone. She is your partner and is there for you to share the good times and the bad ones. I think you are on the right path but that it may not be as short as you had hoped for!

-Connie

I appreciate the words Connie. It is definately a tough path but I do feel that i'm going in the right direction. I'm currently seeing a psychiatrist but haven't looked into seeing a therapist yet.

I totally understand what you mean about wanting to be in your own little world. I experience everyday. I seem to never be able to get out of bed, not even to shower or brush my teeth or eat or antyhing. Of course I am bipolar though. Sounds to me like you need to get to a psychiatrists or therapists. Just letting ya know you're not alone.