Bipolar Depression

Strangely I have not read many posts from those with BP dealing with relationships.

I have gained much from reading the very honest posts from partners of BP's but would very much like to hear the experiences of those like myself with BP. Sometimes it would make such a difference to hear how another deals with the guilt and anxiety that comes with subjecting the person you love to BP. I know that I also give so much to him but more and more I see the toll it has taken. We are both so tired.

I have been diagnosed with BP for 6 years. I have tried many combinations of medications that have for a time worked and then the side effects become so dibilitating I need to start all over again with another.

I have been with my partner 4 years. We have lived together almost all that time. We live overseas most of the time and travel alot for our work. Neither of us has a routine which effects me greatly.

I love my sponteneity and passion for what I do but I know this can scare him at times and he becomes more and more careful and safe in what he does. Which I find stifling and unattractive. This makes me so sad as I know this is only a coping mecanism on his part.

The side effects of my medication at the moment are very bad. But I seem to have exhausted the list and can't face trying to begin a new lot of medication all over again. This combination does steady my rapidly changing moods so I am almost willing to put up with the effects. However some of these effects have begun to so significantly effect our relationship that I am thinking it is not worth remaining on them. I have lost all desire to be intimate and consequently all elements of our relationship seem to be scrutinised by him. Also his confidence has suffered immensily and I am afraid he is depressed. I am so foggy (more than normal), i can't remeber words or things that I know I know, and I have lost so much weight (I was already small) and I feel an extreme lethargy. For months I had no appetite or desire for food. This meant that I did not understand the need to eat or his needs either. This is neglectful on my part. I can only imagine that he must feel I am selfish at times.

The burden of all of this on me only makes me unwell. I feel terribly guilty with the responsibility of this.

Sometimes I would like to be alone and away so no-one see and be effected when I can't function, can't leave my bed, can't talk, just can't...

anyway I hope someone out there has some advise or wants to share with me what is happening for them

Melanie,
thanks for sharing-it gives clues to my own relationship with my husband who has bipolar. I can't trust him because of the illness. He does stuff that hurts alot, for instance he joined a singles internet group and posted a profile. Then I find out only because he forgot to sign out and read from a women 'i love you i love you' others who have sent him pictures. We are in counseling because we have thought of divorce. He said he cancelled the service and the funny thing is; it is Dr. Phils. match.com. site to build relationships. I'm throwing out any thing I have from Dr. phil. My husband had a head injury which could of been what triggered the illiness. He only know about is illness from therapist. He will not read or study about it. Suez

I have a lot to say about bp and relationships, but I'll try to be brief.
I have bpII. I'm 47. Have a girlfriend. Got divorced about 10 years ago and have dated and had some long-term relationships.
I have taken lithium, wellubutrin and zyprexa. Among other things, I have been tired, gained weight, lost weight and had some sexual side effects. They are all aggravating, but overall, we've been able to work through them. The women I've dated have had health issues as well.
The main stressor for the relationship is my bp--the highs, the lows, the hyper-sensitivity, the need for attention sometimes, the anger sometimes. I've learned though that I need to take good care of myself. Constantly. Exercise. Sleep. Meds. Better mix of meds. Friends. Activities with friends. This is work to keep this balance.
There are also male-female issues. Can't speak for all men, but I like attention, I like to feel like I'm a priority, I like to feel like I'm king of the jungle. Respect is more important than love for men, in many cases. In exchange, I try to be very loving, very devoted, benevolent, fun and exciting, among other things.
I've learned: Yes, bp puts a strain on the relationship. But I believe that the love comes through. It's not the words. It's how they are delivered. The tone. The intent. You know if a person cares. I have met successful people, who have raised families, with bp. It can be done.