Bipolar Depression

My mom has BP and has been suffering with it for as long as I can remember. I am 43. Yes I know it is late in the game to start asking for help, but I guess better late than never. I have been responsible for her since my grandmother died when I was 21. She has been fairly controlled on medication for years, but there are some parts of her personality that I am still having a problem with. I am not sure that they are related to BP but from what I know I think they are.
She is young mid 60's and has a lot of medical problems. She has chronic lung disease and is on home oxygen and is frequently hospitalized for that.
I guess what frustrates me is that she has "waited" her whole life to get well. She has always been dependent on me and her aunt for everything and complains about every ache and pain she has. If someone says they have a headache then she has a headache.
She seems to be childlike in that she can only see her point of view. She wants me to drop everything and do whatever it is she wants.
I don't want to make it sound like she is horrible or anything I love her, but I also have a family and a job.
I get frustrated because I feel guilty for trying to live my life as well as be a caregiver to her.
I work full-time, go to school have a husband ana ahildren and I can't plan anything becaue I don't know how mom is going to be.
Then I feel guilty because there are many other people who have it much worst than we do.
Am I just being a selfish daughter?

My mother was 60 when she died of Lung Cancer in 2000. I was 34 years old and had suffered from debilitating and life threatening bouts of severe depression since I was 8.

My mother also suffered from severe depressive bouts as well as high manic bouts. It wasn't until after I was diagnosed correctly as Bipolar II while hospitalized last year (after many years of incorrect diagnosing) that I found out that my mother did suffer from BP I. Yet, my mom refused to be medicated and treated.

I was her "support" person for many years and she was in similar to your mom with the personality that what she saw was truth, what she knew was right, if some horriable illness came up she had it, everything revolved around her, and no one could plan anything involving her because no one knew how she'd be. She didn't even know and would remark so. So I kinda understand your issue.

You are not a selfish daughter, you are a concerned slightly burned out daughter. You have a family of your own which you must care for and you have your life as well.

You may want to see about getting some relief for yourself by possibly asking other family members for help, or if you can - hire someone. There are programs out there and organizations that may be able to help. It will just take some research and some time to find.

NO! You are not being selfish! It's incredible that you are doing what you are doing, but your children and husband need you, and you have to live your own life eventually. I would not feel guilty about stepping away when things get too difficult. You know it has to be done at some point, you will be unable to care for her forever. It's up to you to decide when.

Best of luck, Donna.

You're definatly not a bad daughter by any means!! You're doing everything you can.

I have a similar situation:

I believe that my husband has bipolar disorder. I'd been searching online tonight for hours..found many useless sites..and I'm very thankful to have stumbled onto this one!!

He has many of the symptoms including a few of the ones that you described your mom having.

He only sees his point of view. For years I thought this was just a "guy" thing as many of my friends complained about their husbands/significant others as only seeing things as black or white.

However, I've learned in the past few years that my husband isn't "like" other husbands in his thought process as he becomes very addictive to his point of view and almost flips out when I disagree.

When I DON'T agree..he develops a passive aggressive personality and will do almost anything for revenge in order for me to give in.

In other words, he wants me to drop everything in order to take care of him..irregardless of the fact that it might put my job in jeopardy..

I have a job and he runs his own business. It's extremely hard for me to take on a job with a lot of responsibility since..I never know when he's going to call me and want me to "save the day" again.

It's like you said..he's very childlike and can only see his point of view. He wants me to drop everything all the time and do whatever it is he wants me to do at the moment.

It's very frustrating because I have a job I love..love what I do..and I'm sick and tired of babysitting!!

Yet..at the same time..I feel guilty for feeling that way.

I love my husband very very much after nearly 20 years...but every day become more frustrating than the next.

I'd love to hear someone elses take on this since misery loves company.