Bipolar Depression

I am new here. I have been concerned about my son's anger and outbursts toward me for quite some time now. I am a single mom and his Dad lives 3 hrs. away and won't hear of the possibility of a mental illness. His brother (my son's Uncle) was dx with BP several yrs. ago. It was amazing what the meds did for him - he was a responsible, rational person. He really got his life together.However, I just found out he stopped taking his meds, and his life is going back downhill.So much for the "talk" I was going to have him have with my son to explain that it's nothing to be ashamed of, and how much better he felt once he started on meds, etc.
His Dad's answer to everything when I call him upset crying and a few times scared - mainly for my son more so than myself, is to just "call the police and kick him out".He was a 1st Lt./Medic in the Army, and is not ignorant to BP. He's in denial, I know, but I need his support and help!My Mom and Brother-in-law are wonderful supporters, but this is "our" son! Anyway, I'll get straight to the point now. I'm so exhausted and stressed and worried and I want to do everything I can for my son and I will. I will never give up on him. Never. I'm pretty sure it's BP and have educated myself pretty well on the illness.
I have struggled with depression and anxiety for many years, and have a pretty good Therapist right now. I'm now 38.
I guess my biggest question is what do I do? He's 19 - I can't make him get help. He's a very, good kid/young adult. No drinking, no drugs, and has a few close friends.Other than his yelling and cussing at me there are no other major issues. I show him as much love as I can, and we've had 1 conversation about BP which of course didn't go very well.
He's just so angry and frustrated all the time and I know he could feel so much better but how do I talk to him and put it in a way where he'll at least think about it and not yell at me to leave his room.
He has said some horrible things to me. BP is the only thing that makes any "sense" to me. Of course, I'm praying it's just an anger issue but I don't want to be naive and blind. He works with my brother-in-law, and is working towards a degree in Computer Science. He has a promising future with the company my brother-in-law works for, and a job will be there for him. I know I can't make it all better. I know he's going to learn some things the hard way. However, I know my son is unhappy. I know he's depressed. Not so much that he can't work or spend any time with friends, but the boy I raised/know seems to be gone sometimes, and I just want to see him smile more. He hurts me so badly with his words, but I know it's the illness whether it's BP or depression only.
I'm somewhat confused, or is it denial? I will do anything to help him. I thank you in advance for any advice, any direction, anything you can tell me that may help him. Anything that may help me, too, so I can be strong for him. It's so hard because I'm very depressed and going through some tough times myself but I cannot imagine how horrible he feels to be yelling and cussing at me almost every day. He doesn't always yell, but there is so much anger.
He's not happy with himself, and the year after High School graduation is stressful enough, but he's only 19 and hasn't experienced some of the things/situations life teaches us that makes us realize we're only human, and it's ok. He's always been very hard on himself.
It's 3:30 a.m. here, and I just realized how long this is! I hope I'm making some sense here. I need your experiences/help so badly. I'm so scared for him. He's my only child and I love him so much.
So glad I found this site!

Julie

Hi and I'm sorry for your pain. I don't have a lot of experience with BP, but have you looked into Borderline Personality Disorder? Check out the symptoms and see if any of them match your son's condition. Then again, it may be an anger management issue, like you suspect. He may also just be "acting out" because of his lack of a close relationship with his father. Maybe his dad can take custody for a while and see if he improves. From what I have read, sometimes teenagers act out when they are unhappy and not having a same sex parent around to relate to may exacerbate the problem. Like I said, I'm no expert, but I wanted to answer your post. I hope you are able to discern the problem and rectify it soon. Your son is lucky to have such a caring mother.

Hi Julie,

This is a late response, as I am new to this site. I have a similar issue with my 19yr. old daughter. Maybe we can talk. I feel your pain. All I can say is know that it is not you.

I am scared too. Maybe we can help eachother.
Barbara